Antidisingenuousmentarianism

Dan sent me this lovely video of Townsend doing "Pour Some Sugar on Me," and I must say, despite the rippling masculinity of the song and the presence of bikinied girls, it is about the gayest thing that I've ever seen. And because of that, does that mean they're secure in their maleness? And thus super-manly? Or what? Because I'm not sure I can put it together. I just know they can kinda dance.

Here's the dress code thing showing up again, this time at a mall, which, though technically a private establishment, is really more of a public space in many ways. Note incredibly disingenuous headline, which is missing more than half the story. I haven't watched the video since I don't want to go bother get Real, but feel free. [via Kottke]

I've been busy, kids. Taking all next week off, so I have to get things ready for that. After today, don't expect any new posts until September 7.

This Slate piece by Philip Carter proposes a rewriting of the Geneva convention because, well, we've been violating it, and that seems easier than simply not violating it. It reminds me of arguments I had in high school in my junior year history class (called, simply, War and devoted to the study of such), where there would be discussions about "if you think the enemy is hiding in a Red Cross facility, can you then bomb it? What if doing so would save more lives than not doing so?" and so on. And I tended to be the only person in the class going "no. You can't." The problem with applying a cost-benefit analysis to situations of this sort is that there are always costs that aren't taken into account, mostly to moral standing and to the world because of precedent. Things get very slippery when you start allowing violations, so it's considerably better not to allow them.

And he does acknowledge this:

The Defense Department began pretrial hearings this week for its military commissions that will try some of the men now held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The government has justified these men's detention as "unlawful enemy combatants" on the grounds that their organization, al-Qaida, does not fight according to the laws of war. Ironically, al-Qaida's operational doctrine agrees, rejecting international law both as a Western construct and as impractical given the necessity of unconventional warfare in response to U.S. battlefield superiority. So now both the United States and its enemies are defending breaches of international law on the grounds of necessity. That says something about the ambiguity of the war we're now fighting, and the extent to which it has corrupted our moral and legal framework for warfare. It should also sound a note of caution, for there are few slopes more slippery than that from small war crimes to large ones. Any wartime action, no matter how heinous, can always be justified by some battlefield exigency. We must give our field commanders the legal and ethical framework they need to decide which war crimes are really worth it, if any.

The difference, of course, is that a) al-Qaida isn't a state and b) isn't really something to emulate. The Fray (Slate's reader discussion forum, linked at the bottom of every article) is well on it, including one fabulous post that concludes, "When moral questions about whether we should or should not torture people in pursuit of our aims, maybe it's time to reexamine those aims."

Earlier peeve rearing its head again in the new song from Moby/Public Enemy: "Make Love Fuck War." I mean, a comma wouldn't have been right, but it would've been something indicating a pro-love, anti-war sentiment. The way it's set up now, it sounds like it's telling me to do something that I don't know could be accomplished, seeing as the two elements are abstracts rather than concrete and, thus, probably don't have the appropriate genitalia.

Some months back, "watching" the MTV Movie Awards, I noted the confusion over how one spells Farnsworth/Fonzworth Bentley's name. It appeared about equally in both spellings, leading me to assume MTV had fucked up half the time, which wasn't bad for them. Truth be told, it turns out they had, but I didn't pick the right half. Mr. Bentley's informed the New York Post that the world has

been spelling his name wrong. Commonly spelled "Farnsworth," the umbrella-wielding style maven "wanted to make it a little cooler," he said. "And who's cooler than the Fonz? So I remixed it a little bit, as we do in hip-hop."

Does this mean that, as with Sprite Remix, we can expect it to be Ffahwnswuth in about six months? Cross your fingers. It could happen.

Or is it the heady fumes of Olympian athletic displays that are getting to Costas? Yes, it was a nice little featurette on Rulon Gardner, the Olympic heavyweight Greco-Roman wrestler who overcame a night stranded in the wilderness of Wyoming, during which his body temperature dropped to 80 degrees (past the usual point of passing out). And we learned about how he lost a toe, but keeps it in a jar in the fridge. But when it concluded and we came back, did Costas really have to make a crack about late-night snacking trips and the possibility of the unthinkable if Gardner thinks he's reaching for the pickle jar and, um, isn't? That's for us blogger-folk to do, or The Daily Show or whatnot. Not for the primary anchor of the biggest sporting event in the world, in primetime. Seriously. He's been loopy the whole time.

It's seriously stacked this week, necessitating a link to the whole thing and a mere hitting of some highlights on here.

Fight: On Aug. 17, a resident of Salem Road in Farmington reported his home had been damaged. The man, in his 20s, suspects his older brother did the damage following a dispute earlier in the day while they were playing golf at Lane Creek Golf Club. The victim said he, his brother and two others were playing golf when his brother made a putt and the ball hit the victim's marker on the green. This upset the brother and he began shouting obscene names and accused him of cheating. He said his brother ran toward him and he pushed him to the ground, which only made him mad. Later in the day, the victim returned home only to find someone had entered the house and broken a ceiling fan, some mirrors and water pipes and knocked holes in the wall. No charges have been filed.

And the scary:

Arrest: On Aug. 21, Deputy Ralph Kanouff was patrolling Ga. Highway 53 when he watched a vehicle turn in the road, then weave in the roadway. He stopped the car and saw the driver's face, head and mouth was covered in dried blood. The man said everything OK, he and a friend had been wrestling. John Jay McCraw Jr., 43, of Gainesville was charged with DUI. McCraw also asked for a blood test at a hospital.

And the titular (I say this one wins the week):

Arrest: On Aug. 19, an Athens man came to the sheriff's department and reported a man who had worked for him was suspected of cashing some checks stolen from him. He discovered the forgeries, when he learned from the bank his account was overdrawn. Deputy Shane Partain went to the Butler Motor Inn on South Main Street in Watkinsville, where the man had been living, but he was not there. He then drove to Arbor Glen Mobile Home Park, where he was known to hang out from time to time and might be on a red bicycle. Partain also learned there was an outstanding warrant for larceny on the suspect in Louis County, Mo. Partain went to a trailer where he asked a man if the suspect was inside and the resident said no. When Partain asked if he could just go in and look around, the man agreed. Partain, after walking in the trailer found a man sitting in a tub, who he believed was the suspect. The man denied being Harold Cooper, but Partain read him his Miranda rights and searched him. He found $896 cash on the man. At this point, the man admitted he had cashed the victim's checks but a "dude" had taken the checks and asked him to cash them. A wallet with more checks was found behind the toilet. Cooper, 31, was arrested on five counts of theft by receiving and two counts of forgery.

The NYT is correct in that Vanessa Carlton's "White Houses" is a pretty darn good song, with a semi-cool video. I could never remember her name when "A Thousand Miles" came out; I just kept catching the video and going, "hmm. I like that song." So perhaps now I will remember. VC. She rocks it one leg up style. Also, nice pairing with Avril's "Don't Tell Me"? You be the judge.

As has been linked around lately, the new full trailer for I Heart Huckabees is up, and it's quite a piece of work. Fighting! Schwartzman smacking Wahlberg with a big rubber ball. And vice versa. Lots and lots and lots of Schwartzman. Plus Jude Law, for those who don't appreciate the charms of the tiny, hairy, dark American (i.e., folks usually referred to as normal, but actually deluded). And also much spouting of philosophical concepts relating to existence.

A brief question: is the explicitly philosophical detective novel/story on the upswing? There's The Intuitionist and Motherless Brooklyn, plus The Big Lebowski, which could be proposed as the re-kickstarting of the trend--a reinterpretation or just reinvoking of Raymond Chandler.

And why now? I'm not sure any of us are thinking more about our place in the world and why we're here and what we're supposed to be doing than we were ten years ago. I know I am, but then, ten years ago I was in high school and a frustrated bundle of hooha that wasn't able to think as clearly as I can now. I wouldn't say there's less musing these days, just not necessarily more. So why?

So now, in the Ruffalo facial hair poll, stache is barely edging out stubble, 5 to 4. Admittedly, I still haven't voted, and I'd clearly vote for stache, giving it a two-vote margin, but can it really be this close? Poll will be disappearing soon, so think hard (dudes, you are not exempted from this) about the relative hotttness and cast your vote.

Gothamist draws our attention to Robosapien, which is kind of similar to an Aibo or whatnot, but humanoid in form and more versatile. Its fantastic Cody Banks-esque ad is available for watching here, but the real gems on the site are to be found in the "more" section, which contains frequently asked questions like "Why can't Robosapien pick up low objects from the floor?" ("Robosapien will damage his fingers if he bends down too low. He can only pick up items that are greater than approximately 2” high, such as paper cups, socks in a ball, bent business cards, crumpled paper, etc"), "How can I make Robosapien quieter?" and "Why does Robosapien have lights in his palms?" The answer to the latter is surprisingly obvious, especially when one considers that Robosapien doesn't just pick things up and walk around. Oh no. Robosapien can also "kick, dance, kung-fu, fart, belch, rap and more." More? There need be no more. Other than the previously mentioned "more" section. (Parenthetically, also a big fan of "kung-fu" used as a verb.)

This is a letter that was recently published in a prestigious publication, not one that prints a ton of letters and thus tends to be relatively selective about them.

John Kerry complains to Gourevitch that President Bush invaded Iraq without sufficient support from the international community. Australia, Italy, England, Japan, Poland, Bulgaria, Romania, and Ukraine all supported the war in Iraq and sent troops. In Kerry's view, I guess, these countries are insignificant. So why should Bush be considered the one with a narrow view of the world?

This is what happens when you try to be all fair and balanced as far as what you print from your readers. You have nuanced, intelligent letters from liberals picking at small details for why they do or do not support Kerry. And then you have idiocy like this. This guy lists eight countries. There are approximately 193 countries in the world. 193 - 8 = 185. 185 > 8. Wait, who has a narrow view of the world? Also note: doesn't mention Spain. Wonder why. I think it's insulting that said publication would even print this letter, not because they shouldn't give airtime to different sides, but because they do still have a reputation of sorts.

Mewsic has Steely Dan's "Dirty Work" up currently (there's a political tie-in), but go listen and take another step in the process that is inevitable with this song. First you'll hate it. It's corny and faux soul and full of falsetto vocals. Then you'll develop an ironic appreciation of it, especially if you watch the Norm Macdonald movie of the same name a few times (and I do recommend that; it's kind of overlooked). You'll be all "heh. There's that crappy Steely Dan song again" (as you walk through Walmart or wherever and it comes on over the speakers). Ah, but enough times through, and when the soft sax part kicks in at the beginning, I swear to God, you will close your eyes in sheer happiness that the song is starting. I warn you. It happened to me. I'm thoroughly nuts about it, and there ain't an eyedropper-full of irony left.

Salon weighs in on how poor Bill Cosby was just misinterpreted and his words taken out of context. Oh, and he was trying to be funny, too. And, um, people will of course listen to him and change their evil ways, which I'm sure will happen. I think it's insulting to suggest that no controversy should have resulted, though I've moderated my views on the man himself somewhat.* I'm not saying he shouldn't be allowed to say what he said, mind you. He can dig himself a hole all he wants. I just don't think that it's necessarily an overreaction to be pissed at his comments, which reflect a social conservatism and a bootstraps mentality I don't agree with. Many people do. And if they're mad about it, they probably shouldn't be. And perhaps they're the folks this article is directed at, since it's not interested in

...liberals of every race who believe prominent blacks should only talk about the failure of America to educate African-Americans, never about the failings of black Americans themselves. Their fear is that Cosby's comments will be used to blame poor blacks for their predicament and further erode the programs that exist to help them. This perspective was crystallized by San Jose Mercury-News columnist Joe Rodriguez when he wrote that he "cringed" at Cosby's comments because the "wrong jokers will embrace the punch line." But many other people were comfortable hearing Cosby say publicly what they believe privately: Black America won't thrive until it gets help from within, not just from outside.

Let me introduce you to my friend "ends," and over here is my buddy "means." They're two different things, and the former gets a lot more attention than the latter.

*And how can one not, in response to this, "Next week Cosby heads back to Springfield, Mass., where he's already promised to pay the college tuition of four local high school graduates, for a community forum on crime, poverty and education."

Not with thoughts but with a link to a nice one. Of Montreal doing "She's My Best Friend," which is a fantastico song anyway. They do a nice job with it: fun and fuzzy (guitar-wise, not emotionally) and fast-paced. Fellas, this is quite possibly the feeling you should have before proposing to your special lady.

Bronze/pottery is apparently in order. Let me recommend this whole set-up to all y'all with a non-high-maintenance attitude and a desire to hang out with your best friend all the time. It totally rules.

What would you do if you were flipping around and heard something like this? I bet you'd damn well watch whatever show it was. And that's what Team Brown did. We only caught about half of Unsolved History: Ninjas,* but damn if it wasn't bad-ass, especially the Navy SEAL vs. ninja bit, which is what we came in in the middle of. Basically, there was a safe house set up, with Navy SEALs protecting a target. The object was to get close enough to the target to knock his hat off, and others were seen to fail. Now, did the ninja (the old white guy with the beard in the clip) sneak over the rooftop, clad in black, and shimmy down a rope? He did not. He pretended to be a bumbling P.A. involved with the show who kept needing to clean the lights they were using. And he did this for hours. Slowly building up trust with the SEAL guards, slowly working at their defenses until they let down their guard, and Booya! Hat knocked off. I wasn't even sure ninjas could get any more awesome than I already thought they were, but apparently my perceptions were skewed because they clearly could and did. Thank you, Discovery Channel, for increasing the amount of awesomeness in the world.

*check out the clip

So Van Den Hoogenband is positively creaming Thorpedo (9 to 1 at last check), but the crucial Ruffalo poll is deadlocked between stache and stubble, with three votes each, and two votes for clean-shaven. Clearly, no one likes the half-beard, but surely more than eight of you have a preference among the three other options.

Dvdfile reports:

Last but not least, the 16th will see the release of Richard Pryor: I Ain't Dead Yet, #*%$@!! - Uncensored. Boasting over 30 minutes of extended interview footage with Dave Chappelle, Denis Leary, Jennifer Lee Pryor and Chris Rock, the disc features a 4:3 full screen transfer and Dolby 2.0 surround track. Retail will be $19.95.

Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be listed at retailers yet, so no knowing whether this is how the title will appear on the cover. Cross your fingers that it is.

TCM is running a series of films chosen and introduced by U.S. Senators in October, and this article gives some details. It's so cute the way Edwards says this about Dr. Strangelove:

"I believe that one of the messages Kubrick was trying to send was that putting this kind of power and this potential holocaust in the hands of human beings, no matter who they are, is an extraordinarily dangerous thing," Edwards says of the black comedy released at the height of the Cold War.

And yet it also makes you wonder when the last time he saw the movie was, i.e., considering that the real problem in the film is that there aren't any human decisions involved in the potential holocaust (Slim Pickens's aside, since he doesn't know he'll trigger WWIII/thinks it's already on). Yes, the larger point kind of stands, in that it was earlier foolish and fearful decisions that led to the situation. But still.

McCain likes Kubrick, too, going with Paths of Glory and saying

"the lesson is the incredible obligation that any government has and, in our case, our government has for the expenditure of our most precious treasure, and that's American blood."

Ooh. Ouchie. Esp considering this (charges later dropped).

The DMCB final show makes it into the Red & Black's Opinion Meter today, with this great bit:
While we're sad to see the local-favorites go, we're thankful for all the fun years they gave us. A DMCB concert was one of the few places that townies, hippies and fratties would band together in music and alcohol induced bliss.Hmmm. Townies? Really? Y'all folks not from Athens may be more familiar with the usual definition of townies as just townspeople who don't go to the university, but here it's akin to "hipsters." I'll admit my wrongness if it's extant, but I'd almost put good money on it that no townie has ever willingly gone to a DMCB show.

I was just watching the cornball video for The Postal Service's cover of "Against All Odds"* and thinking about the fact that appreciation of the cover song as an art form is reaching critical mass lately. Stereogum posts them frequently. Copy, Right? is entirely devoted to them. The Covers Project is documenting them. Jessica Simpson already had a hit with "Take My Breath Away," and Brit-Brit's "My Prerogative" should be out fairly soon. You can't turn around without running into a cover song or someone expressing their love of cover songs. And I'm no exception. I know I tend to be interested in them, especially when the song and the singer come from different genres (or eras or cultures).

So how is this different from the Hollywood trend toward remaking everything? I'm not sure that it actually is, though I tend to hate movie remakes. Perhaps it's that songs are still usually over within five minutes, so if a cover sucks, it's not taking up much of your time. So anyway, why now? Clearly, it's got something to do with the Feiler faster thesis, which applies to everything now, not just politics/news, and (if anything) comes from the fashion world, which is always playing around with the past and looking to it for ideas, at an ever-accelerating pace; e.g., nostalgia for 2003 is just around the corner, kids. So when the time available for analysis exceeds the time necessary to process the thing itself (the thing being poked at), analysis and appreciation become highly circular. Witness the discussion, immediately after Kerry's big convention speech, about not the speech itself but how the speech would play. We've come so far that we can skip talking about the thing itself (not that we necessarily should, but we do).

So, the entertainment world is subject to the same process, a la Best Week Ever, and most of us who keep up with pop culture are apt to do it too. And this leads to a huge imbalance, again, in analysis over things, and analysis is a hungry little bugger. It needs to feed to live. Therefore, there's a strong desire for product, and specifically product that can be talked about, and this is where cover songs come in. The basic construct is already there, so it would seem to take less time to do a cover than to write a whole new song, getting product out faster. And the connect or disconnect between the new artist and the old song provides valuable fodder for discussion, i.e., it's easier to talk about something in context, and a cover song has built-in context. This is just like** the bits in Ulysses when Joyce's Hamlet references become very noticeable, or like any literature that more obviously pays tribute to its forebears. And the process of analysis (and desire to do so) are damn similar as well.

It should go without saying that none of this is a bad thing, but neither is it a good thing. It's just a thing and a characteristic of modernity.

*Yes, I know I'm the one who wanted a Phil Collins comeback, and this is indeed the first sign of it; I'm just not sure it's going to go the way I wanted to.

**Okay, maybe an exaggeration. How about "similar to"?

Holy crap! Why is Olympic water polo not on in primetime? Wedgies, dunkings, people trying to bite each other's noses off, and quotes like this from U.S. defenseman Dan Klatt, "A couple guys got punched in the face and a couple got kicked in the face....But that's just part of the game." [Registration required if you haven't already at The Washington Post, but it's worth it.]

Bug Me Not dead.

Heather Havrilesky's latest piece on Salon, an interview with Jon Kroll, producer of Amish in the City and The Amazing Race, goes way wrong from the tag line that was stuck on it: "Can reality TV shows be documentaries for the masses?" Ooh. Growl. As though documentaries a) can't be on TV b) are only for snooty, wine-drinking stinky cheese consumers c) must be explicitly educational and d) are incompatible with the reality TV format. Boo to all that. Reality TV is documentary. And though I haven't watched Amish in the City, I have seen Devil's Playground, which gets a mention in the article, and I wasn't that impressed. Great topic, semi-poor execution, as is the case with a lot of documentaries that try to cram too much into an hour and a half. In many ways, television is the ideal medium for documentary filmmaking, since it's more open-ended and has way more time. What's the plot in a typical episode of Newlyweds? It's usually not much more than Nick and Jessica hanging around here or there, eating, arguing, etc. It's more a portrait of their daily lives, which are interesting in that they're both much like ours (dealing with stinging insects, moving) and also very much not, and sometimes these like and not-like things overlap, as with the episode where Nick's auditioning sexy dancers for his video and Jessica's getting all jealous--the exact situation wouldn't arise in most marriages, but something of the sort certainly would. So, basically, most of these reality shows already are documentaries, just not explicitly so,* and while I admire Kroll's impulse to do something more serious or in-depth, I also don't think there's anything wrong with what he's currently doing.

Anyway, the article is still interesting, and I still love Heather's stuff. It just struck me as very... Salon. Clickthrough required and all that.

*e.g., Fear Factor is a documentary on what people will do for money/minor fame and how they react to different situations.

Actually, this doesn't seem to be entirely Perdue's fault, but still.... You have got to be shitting me. [bugmenot]

What really sucks about this is that one wants to point to it as example of American ingenuity, of taking the bad and turning it into the good (or at least the funny). But, of course, it's not even American. Anyway, enjoy. This one's my personal favorite, largely because of the expression on the victim's face, which I suspect may even be affected. [via]

Now that the Red & Black is back to full-time publishing, I'd expect to see a lot more anti-Adams coverage, and Andrew Moore's piece in the sports section certainly falls under that. Looks like the editorial board didn't get the memo though, unless it's just that they're not putting the pieces of the puzzle together. And Russell McLendon's cartoon (which is, dare I say, mildly amusing) might be more attuned to the zeitgeist. Not that the opinions of students mean anything, but if enough of them complain, we could get this ball rolling... really slowly.

DJ Dangermouse, back in the old hometown, taking advantage of the free food and drink at Infusia's special little party. He's slightly less recognizable out of the costume, but was (of course) low key: dressed down and chatting on his cell phone a lot. The question is, in terms of hipness, does he outrank Stipe? Is this the best OSIS entry so far? I'm thinking Kim Basinger at the grocery store is still better, since that was a celebrity engaged in a mundane task and this was a celebrity at a vaguely cool (or at least attemptedly cool) shindig, but you be the judge.

That's what it takes to write this ABC pick. Compliments have already been sent via email, but I want all the rest of y'all to take notice too. Also, sidebar, am very amused by the photo of said band. Yay! Obligatory black guy!

Check it, y'all. A little cyberstalking that a) showed up in my references and b) seems to have ended up in the right place. Unless there's some other HB hereabouts, which is possible but unlikely. Hiya.

Bush say: "Me for incredibly costly, unnecessary, stupid missile defense system that doesn't work even in tests designed for it to pass with ease."

Kerry say: "Me for it too, just a little less so." [bugmenot]

ABH little editorial today re: potential naming of Sanford Stadium to Sanford-Dooley and how the Sanfords aren't happy about it, etc. It was really the headline that triggered the flash of brilliance though: "Name game aside, Dooley must be a part of stadium." Well, dang. That's easy. Just put him next to Ugas I through V.

As y'all know, it's the little things that count, as in this entry:

Theft: A former resident of Circle C mobile home park on Monroe Highway reported that in early August she had her landlord keep a pink electric guitar for her, but he gave it to another man to return it to her. That man said he left it on her front porch, but the guitar has not been seen since.

It's the fact that the guitar was pink. It's the tracking of its movement. It's the Amelia Earhart quality of its disappearance.

Theft: On Aug. 1, a manager of a gas station in Bishop called to report a man known to him pumped $7.15 worth of gasoline then drove off without paying. The victim said he asked the man when he came into the store, if he had pumped any gas and the man replied no. However, a customer who followed him into the store, said he had seen the man pumping gas. The victim said the same man has done this at least two other times during the past two weeks. A deputy drove out to the man's home located south of Bishop, but no one was home.

Also, I'm always a big fan of dialogue rendered in this fashion. And the slightly sad way it just trails off with no one being home.

There is, however, no question what this week's highlight is, and I present it to you now, with favorite parts highlighted in bold:

Arrests: On Aug. 13, four deputies went to a house at 1331 Old Greensboro Road on a tip Chase Conway, a man they have been looking for, was at the location. Deputies Paul Maxey, Michael Rowland, Kevin Nolley and Watkinsville policeman Tim Haller arrived at the location about 11:50 p.m. Rowland went around back of the house to a shop and upon walking up to the shop, he smelled the aroma of marijuana smoke. He looked inside and saw six people, including a blue tray with what looked like marijuana lying on it. When the group saw Rowland, one of them, identified as Melissa Hale, 34, began shouting and cursing, telling Rowland to go to Bogart and pick on someone there. Rowland also spotted plastic bags of mushrooms. A Dale Earhardt Jr. cooler was opened and it contained 17 baggies of marijuana. Also, a small tablet of ecstasy was found. Hale, along with Kevin Lee Hale, 39, both who resided at the house were charged with possession of marijuana with intent to distribute and possession of psilocybin (mushrooms). The other three men and a woman were identified, but none was Conway, who remains on the lam.

Klosterman/Simmons face-off, yo. And guess who kicks more ass. Hey. Y'all should know. The whole Reality Bites v Singles debate, however, is one on which I really don't lean either way. Both of those movies kind of suck, but neither sucks so much as to either beat out or be beat out by the other. [via]

There's a long and interesting discussion going on in the comments to the Xiu Xiu post here, farther down the page. We're at 42 comments at last look and counting (hopefully). Folks who you'd think would've liked it didn't and vice versa. Also, are Athens bands screwed out of the gate?

Corey Feldman's new show looks kind of awesome. Not to mention vocals from Tom Kenny, Mark Hamill, and Wil Wheaton and the ever-lovin' growl of Clancy Brown.

Lists of Bests has just added the Online Film Critics Society's list of the top 100 overlooked films of the 90s, and it's a doozy. First, the criteria for making the list, "While some were recalled by Oscar voters and many managed to squeak out a modest box office return, these films nonetheless failed to click in the memory banks of both the critics and with audiences." So, it's not really based on anything, right? I'll admit there's one on the list I didn't remember (Deep Cover), but only one. And I've seen 68 of them. And there are a lot of real dogs included, like Mystery Men, which not even the writer of its blurb seems to be able to muster a ton of enthusiasm for, and Very Bad Things, which comes in at #41 and which you shouldn't even bother to watch on Comedy Central, even if you're really really bored and there's nothing else on. On the whole, it's mostly about mediocrity, like Beautiful Girls, The Spanish Prisoner,* and Matinee. I guess the list would be helpful if you haven't seen any movies, but if you have, meh...

*which both halves of Team Brown maintain is one of Mamet's weakest, despite the fact that everyone seems to love it so much

For those folks who hate a) the dreaded T.S./peeping thong or b) any V.P.L. at all, I suppose, comes the backless brief [warning: there's most of an ass in this picture]. I don't know whether to say "good for you, Jan Digney," or just keep staring at the photo, but methinks it'll be the latter. So makin' with the Coppertone girl styling.

Fab NYT fashion piece on the (clearly mega) swing from "goth" to "prep" in teen fashions. We get anti "Funky Monkey" t-shirt sentiments. We get this study in the circularity of modern image management:

Students are "taking themselves a little more seriously; they're thinking a little more of the image they're projecting," said John D. Morris, a retail analyst who holds focus groups with teenagers in malls around the country. "It's a backlash to what was sexy, what was distressed or dirty or grungy. Now they say that look is too affected."

We get collar popping for the cameras. We get a categorization of a crocheted poncho as "prep." And we hear that "Young people are telling researchers that they are, specifically, off tacky celebrities." Clearly. It must be us old folks driving the numbers.

UGA's back in the top 10 this year, after a brief absence. We don't even crack the top 20 in terms of "happy students," though, proving that being arrested for wandering around with no pants doesn't lead to life satisfaction. Big shocker.

Charles Taylor fails to think through what he's writing. Again. And this time it's on books, and not just books, but politics.

He reviews Nick Baker's new one, Checkpoint, a conversation between two men, one of whom wants to assassinate W and the other of whom is trying to talk him out of it.

He writes,

When Ben tells Jay that killing Bush would be a capitulation to the very violence Jay claims to hate in his target, Ben understands that the use of violence always diminishes us morally. If Jay had read Hannah Arendt's "On Violence" he would no doubt agree with Arendt that violence is always launched from a position of weakness, after negotiation or defense has failed. But like his creator, Ben seems unable to understand that violence is sometimes necessary, so he becomes an inadvertently damning portrait of liberal squeamishness.

And a mere two paragraphs down:

This myopia makes sense in a writer who has never evidenced a worldview larger than that of white, affluent metropolitan America. Ben's speech comes from a cushy, liberal, white, reasonably prosperous point of view. If Baker wanted to prove that Ben really had the courage of his convictions, then he needed to write a scene in which Ben confronts Southern blacks who can go to the polls and vote without being harassed, the elderly who have Medicare, the kids who have been through Head Start, and tries to convince them that Lyndon B. Johnson was a bad president. Baker would need to write a scene in which Ben justifies his revulsion at Clinton and Wesley Clark's bombing of Belgrade to the Bosnian Muslims who were saved from Milosevic's genocide.

Part I want to emphasize is bold, of course. Because it's not like there was this guy who did some stuff in Selma in 1965 wrt black voting rights or anything. What did he believe in again?

One of the things I've been thinking about while watching the Olympics is how there is something very similar about it to the fancy dog shows Animal Planet likes to broadcast. It's not that it's about prancing around and looking pretty and judgments seemingly based on whim, and more that one starts to notice the extremely different body types keyed to each sport and how these are analogous to the purebreds entered in the dog shows. That is to say, the build of a (male) Olympic swimmer (very tall, extremely thin, lanky arms and legs, huge chest and shoulders, tiny waist) is incredibly different from that of a gymnast (stocky and compact, muscles that bulge out everywhere), which is different from that of an Olympic badminton player* (one tall guy, one short guy, both with incredibly thick, powerful legs from lunging this way and that within a limited space to get the shuttlecock, but also long arms if possible). There are always exceptions to the type, but essentially, you're seeing the same thing as chihuahua versus labrador retriever versus bulldog.

*badmintoner?

This would be great. But it is so not happening. CBS, much as I love them sometimes, do not have a real great reputation as far as "cool" goes. Or "edgy," for that matter. And I don't think Amy is one to sit back and make her audience feel comfortable.

Police arrested a 20-year-old Athens man after he was found in the Chi Phi Fraternity parking lot wearing a green polo shirt, one leather sandal and nothing else.

Jeffrey Ezell was charged with public indecency, public intoxication and underage possession of alcohol after police found him wandering around the 149 N. Lumpkin St. parking lot around 5:30 a.m. Saturday, Athens-Clarke police said.

Ezell could not tell police where he'd been or why he was partially nude, but assured officers he could have answered their questions if he was not so drunk, Athens-Clarke police said.

Link is here. Impressed with his ability to realize how drunk he was and explain this to officers, but not to recall location of, say, pants. Also, yay! The students are clearly back in town. Police central betta gear up. [bugmenot]

With all the hand-wringing over UGA's smaller number of African-American students in this year's freshman class (and this happens on a regular basis), it seems odd to me that articles damn near never point out that location is an issue.

Here is a map of Georgia. Note the location of Athens, about 60 miles to the east of Atlanta. Now, go to this site devoted to historically black colleges and universities. Click on "states" and then on "Georgia." You should notice that Clark Atlanta, Morehouse, Morris Brown, and Spelman, all famed historically black colleges/universities, are located in Atlanta. If I were a gifted African-American student, and I knew that I could get a pretty comparable scholarship to one of those four or I could come to UGA, which is fun and great, but doesn't have a large minority population and, in fact, has more than one frat house flying a large Confederate flag, I might also opt for the more comfortable choice.

Not to say UGA shouldn't keep trying--just that there are a lot of factors and that my guess is that other USG schools have similar problems, being located in a state with so many great HBCUs. [bugmenot]

So, this Xiu Xiu show that I had been bitching about for at least a month. Y'all know I'm not a fan of the band. I think they're whiny and (far too) annoying and so on. But now I'm completely admitting that I was wrong. Because they put on a fantastic live show. Am considering writing it up for the F-Pole if no one else is.

The France also proved themselves to be something to be experienced, though it was commented that perhaps they could use a few more guitars up there.

All other events of the evening perhaps should not be posted on the blog, right?

And the evening of the day of. 

The evening of the day before 

This does. Lots and lots of cat news on the UGA staff listserv and encouraging of adoption and so on, and this is just... good timing. (and super-poor quality)

Is Mark Ruffalo actually bringing the mustache back? And not in some sort of ironic way, not the way it's being worn around town by the hip kids or for fundraising. Mark Ruffalo is doing it in a Burt Reynolds way. Those who know me know that is no kind of joke, especially at Burt's expense. He looked damn good with the mustache and so does Ruffalo. So is he a lone wolf or will more leading men start to step up and wave their facial hair freak flag?

Hence the poll on the right, to determine if I even have company in preferring the stache. If you can't immediately conjure up all the images evoked by the potential poll answers, here's a little help:

full-on stache

generally clean-shaven

light stubble

stubbly beard growing in

If that's not enough for you, feast your eyes.

Holy hell. So I hadn't been in the UGA Bookstore for at least a semester, but it's a whole new world in there now. Wood and glass and carpet and shmancy checkouts. It's been FTX-ed. And (this is the best part), as you're waiting in the winding roped-off checkout line, when the next cashier is free, they wave a red, foam bulldog paw in the air (with a number written on it) to let you know. Not humiliating or anything. At least, not enough. They should have to bark the number out as well.

I love it when officers, even security directors not endowed by law with their power, quote their heroes, men of giant figurative stature who tower over successive generations, inspiring the boys in blue (or whatever color security directors wear) with their bravery, keen sense for crime, and sharp intelligence.

Since Beau's not currently providing us all with our regulation dose of urinary news, I'm linking today's Gothamist interview with Craig Wedren. Normally, I just scan through these quickly, as it's rare there's something really great, but this one is worth reading to the end. Scroll down to the last question ("There are 8 million stories in the Naked City. Tell us one, but try to keep it to a New York minute.") for your pee-pee.

But damn if they're not awesome. Scissorkick has their new video for "Needy Girl" up, and it's worth your couple of extra minutes, most especially the phone break in the middle, when the full extent of their "studio" becomes clear. Previous musings here.

This round-up of upcoming books by/about musicians contains the following entry:

“Postcards from the Boys” (Chronicle, $24.95): Beatle Ringo Ringo Starr loved postcards, and asked his bandmates and friends to send him one whenever they traveled. More than 50 of those postcards are reproduced — writing, doodles and all. October.

So why the past tense? We could take it as merely conveying that while Mr. Starkey once loved postcards, he no longer does. Or... we could take it as the kick-off to the new "Ringo is dead" rumor. I could swear I see the grim reaper reflected in his eyes. [via]

Golly. Okay then. King Kaufman actually stuck my name in his column today. Over a nit-picky little detail I compulsively emailed him about. So being a nerd gets you your name in lights, albeit small and not very twinkly ones. Let that be a lesson to you, cool kids. If you know something that a columnist doesn't, you should totally email that columnist immediately with the relevant information. Because they clearly love it.


*J knows the correct way to pronounce this is a la Liz Taylor announcing the Golden Globe win for Gladiator

Kottke points to the fab sidebar to the Atlantic Monthly's article about terrorism and the Internet, a list of, well, fashion tips as far as fitting in with the infidels, i.e., if you're a dude wearing a t-shirt with a decapitated Che, a Spiderman thong, and a hefty dose of Glow, someone might notice. Then again, they might very well not.

Here's another idiotic article from ESPN's website, one that's clearly statistically flawed, substituting conventional wisdom for actually looking at numbers and falling prey to the round number syndrome. I'm not going to talk about his other nine "make or break" selections. For all I know, they could be accurate. But here's the one I have a problem with:

CHIPPER JONES, Braves: The Braves are threatening to pull away and win another -- yawn -- NL East crown, but the Marlins and Phillies aren't necessarily through, yet. Jones endured the worst half-season of his career up until July, but has shown in recent weeks that he's turning his year around. He hit .268 in July, but had a .388 OBP and a .536 slugging percentage. So far in August, he's been even better, hitting .448 with a .500 OBP while slugging .621 and knocking in nine runs over the last seven games. Atlanta's playoff woes are well-documented and go far beyond any one individual. But to get there and accomplish something, Jones will be the key. Without Gary Sheffield and Javy Lopez to offer protection, it will be up to him to carry much of the offensive load.

He's right in that it hasn't been a good season at all for Chipper and in that he's improving lately. It's the "protection" part he missed by a foot.

Last year, Sheffield hit .330 with the Braves, with a 1.023 OPS and 39 HR. This year, so far, he's hit .293 with the Yankees, with a .927 OPS and 26 HR. His replacement, both in right field and batting order, is J.D. Drew, who this year, so far, has hit .310, with a 1.013 OPS and 25 HR.

Also last year, Javy Lopez admittedly had the best season of his career, hitting .328 with a 1.065 OPS and 43 HR. A little harder to replace, it's true. This year, he's hitting .317 with an .870 OPS and 17 HR so far. His replacement, Johnny Estrada, is hitting .324, with an .837 OPS and 6 HR so far. There is a power drop-off with Estrada, but there's not one in average and there's a difference of about 5 RBI between the two so far.

Anyway, I can't tell you what the explanation for Chipper's struggles this year is, but it's not the "lack of protection" for sure.

So our fine governor is looking to cut state budgets again and note what he's "sharpening"--not a scalpel, not a pair of safety scissors, a frigging axe. This is just another example of how Perdue might seem like a nice old folksy guy, but is actually of the Grover Norquist school of politics. There's nothing wrong with fiscal conservatism as far as not overspending goes, but this is more than that. For example,

In the 2005-06 fiscal year that begins next July 1, the state expects to take in $972 million more than it will this fiscal year - a bit more than a 6 percent increase. But after covering health benefits for state employees, Medicaid costs and the continuation of a pay raise employees will begin getting in January, the state will be left with just $56 million for growth in the rest of the $16 billion budget.

Referring to both the health cost increases and the pay raise doesn't take into account that the pay raise is really just to pay for the increase in health insurance costs. It strikes me as an excuse to cut services, in other words. Two more years... two more years... [bugmenot]

Nice overview of the 29 years Pete and Skip have spent together, announcing for the Braves. I am hard-pressed indeed to say whether the two of them or Loran and Larry make a better pair, but then I didn't grow up listening to Georgia football (that was a late-in-life conversion) and I did to Braves games. Personally, I tend to prefer the Skip/Joe combo. Van Wieren's apt to say things like "if the Mets hit a grand slam now, they win the game," which causes howls and shutting of ears and repeating of "no jinx, no jinx." Still, this piece kinda renews my affection for him. Plus: ostrich racing! It captures the feel of esp those Friday night games in about the middle of the season when you sense it's possible brews have been consumed, and there is an even more relaxed than usual vibe coming over the airwaves. [bugmenot]

So, since the ol ABH Police Central (Oconee section) has been kind of letting me down lately (notice: no recent posts from it), I've ventured a little afield, about 55 miles so, to the AJC's "View from the Cop" blog. The prose isn't as beautifully simple as the Oco Flow, but it'll do. You can learn things like: "Somebody's stealing rocking chairs in Alpharetta" and the story of the naked man in Sandy Springs. And it's updated frequently, which is great. [bugmenot]

To continue the whole unintentional Tom Cruise theme of late, here's the cover story from Rolling Stone, or at least an excerpt. Including this bit:

He lists some of Scientology's selling points: its drug-abuse, prison-rehabilitation and education programs. "Some people, well, if they don't like Scientology, well, then, fuck you." He rises from the table. "Really." He points an angry finger at the imaginary enemy. "Fuck you." His face reddens. "Period."

Wait, Scientology has a program in how to abuse drugs? We're so there.

This review of David Foster Wallace's article in Gourmet on the Maine lobster-fest (which I haven't read yet) was just posted to the wonderful wallace-l, and it prompted me to think yet again about food, specifically what most people think of as "fancy" food, and how probably at least 90 percent of Americans just do not get it. Probably more than 90 percent. Certainly more than don't get fine art because there are plenty of intelligent people out there who, say, read David Foster Wallace and don't think that's frivolous, don't think it's strange to devote one's time to a work of literature that requires some thought, and yet many of these same folks would trash Ferran Adria's culinary work, not comprehending that cuisine is as much an art form as any other. The problem, of course, being that we need to eat to survive, where we don't need to read, and so a) everyone thinks s/he's an expert b) when you think you're an expert, you don't recognize that your palate could stand to be trained and stretched and c) unfortunately, the moral issues involved encompass killing things.

One analogy leapt to mind and that was this (via IMDB news):

Protests Force Cancellation of 'Birth of a Nation'

The owner of the Silent Movie Theater in Hollywood canceled a planned screening of D. W. Griffith's The Birth of a Nation after the Los Angeles branch of the NAACP and a group called the National Alliance for Positive Action vowed to picket the theater. Although owner Charlie Lustman had planned to show the film with a disclaimer stating that he does not endorse the racist content of the film but wants to honor its place in cinema history, the two groups had charged that the film would continue to poison race relations. Lustman said that he had also received threatening phone calls and was concerned about the safety of patrons and 92-year-old Bob Mitchell, the onetime leader of the famed Mitchell Boys Choir, who was to provide organ music to accompany the film.

Leni Riefenstahl's another example. What do you do when the moral content of the art is repugnant? Do you ban it? Hmm. I wouldn't. You might choose not to partake of it, and that would be fine, but in choosing so, you'd also be less qualified to talk about it and how it fits into its context. I'm not sure how I resolve issues of killing things so that I can eat them other than that I don't think about it too much, but I do know that "foodies" don't inflict cruelty for cruelty's sake; people eat lobster and foie gras because it tastes good, i.e., for the same reasons they eat chocolate and peaches. And people watch Griffith's and Reifenstahl's films not because they agree with the ideas presented but because they're still great works of art.

I suppose this all relates to the below.

I'll express my annoyance with Pete's editorial this week. Between this column and the "City Dope" one, it's just a Carl Jordan lovefest, including this bit, "He pushes for what's right, not for what's politic." Ah ah ah. He pushes for what he thinks is right, which is still admirable, but is a different thing and one that's important to keep in perspective. He thinks a smoking ban is right. Lots of us don't. Not to completely push moral relativism here, but I'm completely pushing moral relativism here. Whatever the issue, people on both sides think theirs is the right one. Maybe not all of them do, but significant numbers, whether they think it's right based on civil liberties principles, religious and moral teachings, or economics. Pete's elided this middle ground in both articles. And he writes:

We want to smoke and have our health; we want to drive big, top-heavy vehicles and have our safety; we want to eat big, top-heavy burgers and be slim; we want to drink gasoline but be independent of those who control it; we want to read our newspapers but have our trees; we want to spend more and tax less; buy now and pay later.

What if we just want to be able to eat big burgers? Or smoke? Or think other people have the right to do so? And still pay the consequences. What if we think we're adults and should be allowed to make our own decisions? I'm not a libertarian by any stretch of the imagination, just a socialist who's strongly in favor of personal freedoms except when it comes to 1) traffic laws and 2) the amount of money people get to keep. But I am adamant about those freedoms, and I'd add that David Lynn is no more a "politician" in the bad way that word's being bandied about than Carl Jordan is. They just have different takes on the role of the commission. It's not just the pastry cook or the doctor Pete describes, active harm or active good. There is, for example, the nurse who tells you you should take your vitamins, but doesn't actually force them down your throat.

My guess is that this is the same feeling one gets if one's undergone an ugly divorce but then hears something terrible has happened to one's ex-spouse. That is to say, one Hillary Brown sat bolt upright instinctively upon hearing the news during the game last night. Heart may have raced briefly and brow furrowed in worry. Sigh of relief may have been forthcoming. And it's not really prompted by humanity either. Zig can tell you that in a recent IM conversation on Jason Giambi, not much sympathy was expressed for his plight on my part. It was boiled down to "call me when it's something confirmedly life-threatening." Not that there was active vindictiveness. I just couldn't be bothered to care much. But when it's a guy I hosted for years in my living room, even though I'm still a little bitter, yeah, I react. So consider this a get-well card. Feel better, Tommy. I hear they have great cosmetic dentistry in Manhattan.

[To avoid cumbersome registration/sign-in, hit bugmenot; best site evs.]

IMDB News brings us what's what, yet again:

Lucas on Colorized Stooges Movies: Nuts to Nyucks

George Lucas, a longtime foe of "colorized" movies, has sharply criticized Columbia TriStar Home Entertainment's decision to release two Three Stooges DVDs today (Tuesday) that will allow viewers to watch them in either their original black-and-white or digitally colored versions. In an interview with the Associated Press, Lucas said, that the Stooges' slapstick comedy belongs in a black-and-white universe. "Would color distract from their comedy and make it not as funny anymore?" Lucas said. "Maybe just the fact that they're in black and white makes it funny, because their humor is dated. But by putting it in black and white, it puts it in a context where you can appreciate it for what it was. But you try to make it in full living color and try to compare it to a Jim Carrey movie, then it's hard for young people to understand. ... It's not fair to the artist."

Yeah, it sure sucks when people fuck with the original. But at least whoever put this dvd together lets you watch the un-fucked-with version. Cough cough.

Wonkette links to this terminally stupid little bit in the Washington Times:

A touch of gray

Sen. John Edwards has long criticized the Confederate flag as a "divisive symbol" that should not be flown on the Capitol grounds of Southern states.

But Mr. Edwards has family ties to the Confederacy, according to Brag Bowling, a member of the Virginia branch of the Sons of Confederate Veterans. Researchers in his group have traced Mr. Edwards' ancestry back to three soldiers who served in the 34th and 15th Georgia infantries of the Confederate States Army.

According to the "amateur genealogists" -- who worked for a month to find the information -- Mr. Edwards' forefathers include Joseph H. Edwards and Charles G. Edwards of Company G of the 34th Infantry, and WiIliam Edwards of Company B of the 15th Infantry, which surrendered to Union troops at Appomattox, Va., on April 9, 1865.

The researchers traced Mr. Edwards' family through Franklin and Stephens counties, Georgia and Oconee County, S.C., from 1832 all the way up to 1953 -- and the birth of one Johnny Reid Edwards in 1953.

"Is it no wonder he is so despised in his own state for being both detached, liberal and anti-heritage?" asked one member of the group.

"I would only question their methods of genealogy," said another source familiar with Confederate heritage. "Edwards is a common name."

The point shouldn't even be whether he does or doesn't have blood ties. You know, there are a lot of people in the South who had distant, ancient relatives fight in the Civil War (like my husband, for one). It was a big damn war. But it's not genetic or anything. Really, people can believe other than what their great-great-etc-grandparents did.

So I caught, the other day, out of the corner of my ear, that Joss Stone is traveling or making appearances with the Rock the Vote bus. Now, this is, I suppose, kind of neat if you're a big fan of hers. But isn't it a little strange that someone who is a) not 18 and (I believe) won't be by the election and b) not even a U.S. citizen and therefore doubly unqualified to vote is promoting that others do so? I mean, I guess she's allowed to care and the point is really that the pop stars will bring out their fans, who will then register to vote and hopefully actually do so, but it strikes me as a little off. It's one thing when celebrities who've never voted exhort their followers to do so. It's a slightly different thing when celebrities who can't vote (in this country) do the same.

[Also, couldn't help but notice this phrase from her AMG page: "In early 2004, Stone introduced herself to the MTV generation with the funky strut of 'Fell in Love With a Boy'..." Isn't my generation the MTV generation? Since when do the kids who watch it now get to call themselves that? Or is it a generic term for those still young enough to watch a lot of MTV? This site seems to think it applies to those born between 1965 and 1978, equating it with Gen-X. Urban dictionary has six different options (kind of partial to the "anal mucus" one). And here's a bit on how it's the children of the 80s (but are they Y? or are they X?). Whatever they are, it's clearly a bad thing, whether it's the left or the right that's talking about it.]

From this article on the new school buildings going up around town comes this bit of info,

The current Alps Road Elementary building will be torn down when that new facility is complete. The new building is going up right beside the current building - in the area that used to be playground space and sports fields. The old building will be razed and its current space used for new playground space.

Athens is not a friend to modern architecture at all, and while I understand that the school needs playground space, I think it's a real shame that its old building will be no more. It's exactly the type of structure that most people in town either never notice or think is ugly, but it's a nice example of ~1950s/60s low-slung boxy design,* and I've always thought, "gee, I wouldn't mind living in that building." I don't expect anyone to stick up for it either, just like when the medical building next to the dermatologist's (which is itself quite awesome, being two-tiered, with one indented rectangular box stacked on another) at the intersection of Prince and Milledge was damn near destroyed. It was a lovely little box before. Then it was stuccoed within an inch of its life and a pediment was slapped on the front. It's one story high. A pediment looks effing ridiculous. Basically, what it comes down to is 1) I'm unhappy about this, and 2) I should take more pictures locally.

*there's a fairly bad picture of it here

Harking back to this post, here's another recently spotted example, complete with photo of the dress code sign. Come on, NYT Mag, let's shoot for ahead of the curve.

  See, he does too love women. Have you ever seen anything more natural in your life?

[via]

This two-week issue of The New Yorker, though slim for a double-weeker, has loads of good stuff in it: Sasha Frere-Jones's dissection of The Streets and Dizzee Rascal, Alex Ross's review of stuff at Bayreuth (which is also a meditation on how to react to a provocateur other than in the exact way s/he wants you to), very short fiction by Saunders, Adam Green's article on evangelical Christian stand-up Brad Stine, and Louis Menand's little "at large" piece on documentaries and the history of the form.

The latter makes me curious and makes me react the way I usually do to Menand's pieces. He's generally a good writer, and he can make a neat little essay, studded with amusing asides and wrapping up just right, but this tendency toward keeping everything within the frame of what he's decided the article is about also means he ignores what doesn't fit within that frame. He's largely right about the myths of impartiality in documentaries and has good things to say about, e.g., the one thing that isn't onscreen, the camera (and sometimes the documentarian), and how that has been handled. But he also says this:

People who make documentaries don’t make them because they believe that “reasonable people can disagree,” or that there are two sides to every question. They believe that there are, at most, one and a half sides—a right side and a side that, despite possibly having some redeeming aspects, is, on balance, wrong. They make movies because they are passionate about their subjects and they want to arouse passion in others, many others.

So what's the right/wrong breakdown on, say, Microcosmos? There's certainly passion involved, but it's not necessarily directed toward a point, other than "insects are neat!" What about American Movie, which seems to have been started without a point or with a different point in mind? He doesn't mention the Maysles brothers either, perhaps because they are harder to figure out.

However, it's still an interesting essay, and I particularly love the conclusion (key bit highlighted):

One of the first movies shown to a public was called “The Arrival of a Train.” A movie camera had been placed at the edge of the platform, and the train was filmed pulling into the station. It was one of Lumière’s most popular shorts. The story grew up that audiences screamed and tried to get out of the way when they saw the image of the approaching train, and this anecdote became a kind of touchstone in meditations on the power of the cinematic. But recent scholarship suggests that the story is baseless. Audiences did not think that the train on the screen was going to run them over. They knew what was happening: they were watching a movie. Movies are a powerful means of expression, but watching one is not the equivalent of being hit over the head with a brick. You can still think. If you don’t, it’s not the filmmaker’s fault. You can withhold your assent to a lot of what Michael Moore implies about George Bush and his brutish, arrogant, reactionary Administration, and still take pleasure in the way he makes them look bad. You can even think that the reason they look bad is that they are bad. It’s only a movie.

Sum-up article on what happened with Adams and the foundation and so on over this summer, complete with quotes about how it's "time to move forward" and that we should "go back to normal life." I do understand the mindset that when you can't change something, you should make a gesture toward accepting it (as I've been told by numerous embroidered pillows that say things about wisdom), but I also think that sometimes we are rather too quick to do that these days. It's just like the obsession with unity, and what it kind of comes down to is, "well, no one can really change anything by him or herself and it doesn't look like things are going to change, so suck it up and pretend you don't even want that change." You might say I am inclined to hit my head against a wall, and you would be right in that, but giving up for the sake of an ideal that isn't even mine strikes me as ridiculous. What it says to me is that people would rather have quiet than someone who could take this university in the right direction or at least maybe not shake it down for all s/he could get. And I'm not even sure the people spoken to in the article back up its conclusion--a couple of them do, but then, a couple of them don't mention it specifically. I'd think that not everyone is so willing to sweep things under the rug.

Report on the out-of-control craziness that was Hilary Duff's Atlanta show. Not since Morrison yanked it out has there been this much wildness south of the Mason-Dixon line.

Also, am very fond of the quotation marks around "tween" used at the very beginning, which indicate that the writer knows what it means but isn't sure his/her audience does.

  So this is one shot of downtown Madison, GA, where Team Brown spent its Saturday walking around and being amused by things and also commenting on how pleasant it was to have a downtown that didn't smell like ass. Yes, there's a bit of a trade-off in coolness, but it was a nice place and fun to get to as well. And, man, do I love using the camera. It may have been commented that once one starts, one wants to go places just to have an excuse to use said camera.

I also bought this piece of American greatness for $3 in a store that was going out of business. The problem with this picture is that it does fail to convey the scale of the thing, which is large. Also, he's still in the box, which is even larger, much more so than it needs to be. And you can change out the finial on the flag, from a matching eagle to a pointy spear thing, the better to stab the enemies (literally) of Freedom with. Here's the back of the box.

3. Hellboy: Aw, dammit. I wanted to like this more than I did. I've been a Del Toro fan ever since high school, when I rented Cronos on a whim and adored it. And it's got elements of his distinctive Cronenberg-esque style. It has very gooey, squashy foley work, for example. And there are a few breathtaking shots (e.g., where Hellboy and Liz walk among the trees that have been bagged for the winter and seem lit from below). But the pacing kind of sucks, and good pacing is important in an action/comic-book movie. Ron Perlman's great, and there are cool gadgets and a few nice takes on standard action shots (being thrown not through one glass case, but about four or five, plus a window). There's a little cat v dog subconscious theme. There are a couple of shots that make one think about how video games originally stole from movies for the story reveals that come between levels, but now when a movie uses the same sort of shot (gazing up at a stone statue, while moving in a semicircle, for example), it immediately evokes a video game. There are Whedon echoes (the whole sequence on the rooftop, as Hellboy shadows Liz and John, seems so much like bits of Angel). It's just burdened with maybe too much plot, which distracts from all the neat stuff we're being introduced to. I'd bank on a sequel being better.

4. In the Cut: Mea frigging culpa. It is good. I've been snotty about this movie since catching the trailer, and ticked off at Campion since Portrait of a Lady, which she got about as wrong you can get something, but damn it if it isn't a good movie. I remember reviews talking about how frustrating Ryan's character is because she's a smart woman who behaves like a complete idiot, and they're right, but that's just part of the movie. And I'm sure one could quibble with the whole thriller plot, but it's not about the plot. It's more of a character sketch, and not one that I think is trying to say anything about "women in general" or anything grand like that. It's just a chance for Campion to dig into someone's psyche. A.O. Scott's review gets it about right; I just liked it more than he did. And everyone's very good: Ryan, Ruffalo, and Leigh.

1. Eurotrip: Why this movie ended up with a 42 on metacritic, I'll never know. Or will I? Take this line from one of the more positive reviews, in Film Threat, "if you go in thinking it’s just a stupid teenage sex comedy, it can be pretty funny." Well, duuuuh. What else is one expecting? Actually, Elvis Mitchell's review is very fair as well, and doesn't fit the numerical score that's been assigned to it. I don't think it's any kind of secret that I adore this sort of movie, a fast-paced teen romp with lots of jokes (some creative, some less-so), an appealing cast, and high spirits. I was totally satisfied. This thing shouldn't be nearly as hard to do as it apparently is. There should be at least ten of these coming out a year. And yet, they're kind of rare, the well-made teen comedy. I think this one succeeds marvelously. Not even to mention that it has confirmed Matt Damon is now one of the coolest guys evs. Senator Affleck is eating effing plates full of dust.

2. Bad Santa: This I had fairly high expectations for, but I'd say it met them and then some, beginning with the opening scene (have you ever seen a more beautiful "vomiting in an alley" shot?). I'm not sure anyone could have done this better than Zwigoff because he gets the difference between 1) those who strive for weirdness and praise abnormality and 2) the genuinely weird and abnormal. He also has a firm hold on the comedy inherent in tragedy and vice versa. I'd encourage anyone who rents this movie to watch the EPK included, as it's a study in how to make one of those things. Count the number of times it's emphasized that the movie is a comedy. Watch the twitchy smiles on the faces of the producers as they talk about how the kid that ended up being cast was "a dark horse" (i.e., "we didn't want him"). The EPK is the guy who wisecracks and then makes sure to tell you "I'm just kidding." The movie is more the Andy Kaufman style. The EPK contains lots of folks talking about how Billy Bob Thornton managed to make this awful character sympathetic. The movie shows you him playing it absolutely straight, as a raging alcoholic, a self-and-other-destructive asshole, with practically no redeeming qualities. If he tried for sympathy, I'm not sure he'd get it. And yet, I don't mean to minimize the funny. There were times when the pause button had to be utilized to allow attacks of laughter to subside. But the funny grows out of what I'd characterize as a shitstorm of pain, a depiction of the depths to which man will sink (a la Salo?), a meditation on the circle of self-loathing. It's not a perfect movie, but that is something impressive: to take the lows of what humanity is and spin them into comedy.

It's really the headline that's the killer. Thank you, IMDB News, for once again making those of us who are even slightly with it feel cool as fuck.

Sexy Cartoon Fare Becomes Big Cable Draw

For more than a year, the Cartoon Network's lineup of adult-oriented late-night cartoons, airing under the banner "Adult Swim," have been drawing more young-adult males than either The Tonight Show with Jay Leno or Late Night with David Letterman, Kansas City Star TV columnist Aaron Barnhardt observed today (Friday). Barnhardt also noted that the network doesn't publicize the fact that in a recent week, eight of the 20 top-rated cable programs among teens have been "Adult Swim" shows. Barnhardt commented that he understands why the network doesn't publicize those figures: "It might stir outrage among the nation's TV critics," he wrote. He added, "Then again, those ratings suggest that kids don't need us to be outraged on their behalf."

Apposite of RoboDave's most recent contribution to the Day Jobs, a listing of the top 5 greatest Arnold Schwarzenegger lines, I thought I'd give a little spiel. Now, the top three lines are all from Commando, and while there's no question Arnold's gotta be fun to write for, there's a reason that particular movie is number one. And that reason is its screenwriter, one Steven E. de Souza, unsung hero of exactly that sort of thing.

I always perk up when I see his name attached to anything because I know it'll be the cinematic equivalent of Pop Rocks and Coca-Cola mixed together. i.e., it'll damn near blow your head off with its explosive sugar power. Early on, he brought us 48 Hrs, then moved on to Commando (all you need to do is go here, to the "memorable quotes" page, to recall the greatness). He did a little uncredited work on Jumpin' Jack Flash, then wrote The Running Man, the kind of movie people like to say gets closer to nonfiction with every year in this, our reality-tv-obsessed era, but is much farther over the top than they remember. It features this priceless exchange:

Amber: [after Richards cut Buzzsaw in half with a chain saw] What happened to Buzzsaw?
Ben Richards: He had to split.

There's a flicker of what most folks would think of as actual quality in Die Hard, but would De Souza stick to stories that had a chance in hell of actually happening? No! He struck back with Hudson Hawk. And this is the turning point. Clearly, Hudson Hawk is an elaborate joke, a parody of precisely the kind of films he'd been doing previously (note, for example, the skyline is always in the background, no matter which way Hudson is heading, as Michael Lehmann points out on the dvd commentary). So is De Souza responsible for this? Or does he just need the right director? The direction* Tsui Hark took Knock Off provides reinforcement for that view, but then Judge Dredd and Street Fighter (which DeSouza also directed) are almost as cracked out.** When it comes right down to it, I'm not sure that it even matters whether the guy is a genius or an idiot or a savant. The point is that he needs to be recognized other than monetarily, and while he's received a Norman Lear award, the public doesn't know his name at all. Hence this minor ode/history. I salute you, Mr. De Souza, even if no one else does, and as long as you continue to provide quality entertainment of the sort that stars Shaggy, Tiny Lister, and Vinnie Jones, I'll be on board.

*South-south-totally-insane

** to quote, "What's the matter? You come to fight a madman, and instead find a god? Do you still refuse to accept my godhood? Keep your God! In fact, now may be a good time to pray to Him! For I beheld Satan as he came down from Heaven!"

I'd seen a blip here and there about Kanye's video for "Jesus Walks," but hadn't caught the thing itself yet, until yesterday. So first of all, is it awesome or ridiculous or both that a song that talks about his record not getting played is, well, totally getting played. It's both. The music industry, when it comes down to it, cares about money more than anything else, and if Jesus sells, well, Jesus is gonna be out there. I'm not saying that's a bad thing. It's just a thing.

So, this a.m., I discover that Kanye doesn't just have one video for the song--he has three, all of which you can watch on his site and vote on your favorite.

The one I saw first is the "Church Version," which I'd assumed is the one getting airtime. It's got slo-mo doves and a homeless(?) guy in a wheelchair who may or may not be Jesus and disappears after holding up a lot of traffic. It also has a badonkadonkariffic lady walking in heels, presumably the one who's thinking "feet don't fail me now." I'm guessing that she's a prostitute trying to get out of the business. The whole thing is pretty bad imitation John Woo, but I kind of like it anyway. It has the same quality that runs throughout TBN, that is, a fuckton of sincerity but without any real cultural education to back it up. Or something.

Then I watched the "Chris Milk Version," which is, if you can believe it, even cheesier, ripping off O Brother in a lot of its imagery, going for super-profound alternating with cheap-ass music video stuff like the fire in the background. The one effect that I really like is the flickering light that looks like a halo about half the time and is placed appropriately in relation to Kanye's head. The first time you see it, you're all "Cool!" And then by the tenth, you're like "I'm over it." But then by the twentieth, it makes it back to cool, in that circular process we're all familiar with. The end of this one is even better than the slo-mo doves. Trust me.

The best one and the one that's more genuinely good* is the "Kanye, Coodie and Chike Version." If you're going to devote your time to one, this is the one to watch. I appreciate good black-and-white work, so it's got that to start with, and then, it's got a literal interpretation of the song: Jesus is in it. And he's walking. With Kanye. And he does look very classic Jesus-like, but he's got a more laid-back posture than he normally would, resting his arm on the back of the pew as he slumps in it as though he were cruising around in a fancy low-rider. He also performs small miracles, like conjuring Kanye's fridge full of food. As Zig said, "Hook a brotha up, Jesus." So all this is funny and good-spirited, much in the way the song is, and it takes from the "Church Version" what is really the best part of that, which is when Kanye's basically preaching the lyrics, though in this case it's more of a testimonial. When he tries to be Mr. Cool, with his shades and his sulky face, like in the Brandy video, he fails utterly. One thing that makes Kanye great is the way he can get his whole body into a song like this, and he does that increasingly toward the end.

*Though I could make an argument that the others are genuinely good as well, drawing as they do on contemporary evangelical Christian imagery, which is chock full of stuff from action movies and the like, i.e., pop culture adapted to a Christian form. I don't think it's entirely un-self-conscious, what's been chosen.

Sidebar: One could definitely ask me why I like this song but am all pissed at Bill Cosby. I keep thinking about that. For one thing, I think this song conveys a very forgiving attitude. And for another, dang it, it's a song. I like the lyrics, but I like it as a song more.

Update to this, as NL is now provided as well, as Dark clued me in to. I love this story:

Probably the most recognizable song in the Majors, Chipper has come out to "Crazy Train" for several years now. However, that almost all came to an end. At the start of the 2002 season, Chipper decided he'd had enough of "Crazy Train." So, he told the music guys that he wanted to come out to Kid Rock's "Cowboy." The Braves fans were destroyed. They hated "Cowboy" and demanded the return of "Crazy Train." After months of fan mail over the change, he felt obligated to go back to the Ozzy hit. "Crazy Train" is still his song today. Every now and then he mixes in a Kid Rock song, but at least twice a game you'll hear "du-du. du-du. du-du. Eye, Eye, Eye ...," and you know that Chipper is coming up to bat.

Braves fans often get dogged for being apathetic or complacent, but see? They do care about important things. Because when it's about the sixth inning and you've been drinking for a while and you're having a good time, the "eye eye eye" just comes right out of your mouth without you even thinking about it. Once upon a time, J and Joey Joey and I essentially introduced a small child to the concept of singing along to it. He was disoriented and frightened at first, but hopefully it made enough of an impression that someday his children will be doing the same as Larry Wayne Jones III comes up to bat.

It doesn't go into much detail about what it's like when Smoltz comes out to "Thunderstruck," but I'll confirm that it is electrifying, and you don't get to know what it feels like on tv because they're cutting to commercial right then. He has a nice, measured jog out to the mound, but though it's not bullish like Rocker's, it's aggressive and confident in its slowness. And the word "SMOLTZ" is up there on the big screen, spinning around and getting all thundered and lightninged on. It is one of the most awesome things I have ever experienced, being there for that.

  Not that it mattered, boys and girls, because it was worth it to see (um, or hear, rather) Pylon rocking the fuck out. They might be old now, but they sounded great. I was almost inclined to dance. But there wasn't room to even if I'd let the rhythm take me away. And when they went into "Stop It," the roof almost got tore off. These kids have a little more on it.

If this article doesn't get picked up by every paper in the country, I officially know nothing about the American public. You remember that Iraqi reality show, the one kind of like Trading Spaces, that I mentioned about a week ago? Well, bitches, you don't even know what reality TV is until you read this. The detailing of tasks, the desperate justifications ("we want to expose people to some of the realities of being in the workforce here"), the choice among "tacos, nachos, burritos and tostadas"--it is all such incredible goodness. You could say "hell in a handbasket" or you could say "spirit of tapping an untapped market, boo-ya!"

Edited to include correct link for the article.

Kind of a nice back and forth on current political events between Norman Mailer and hot young son John Buffalo Mailer here. It's always good to hear people talking who don't just sound like shills for one side or the other, and they don't. Plus, there's this truism "You just can’t trust a man who’s never been embarrassed by himself." And he has non-cruel things to say about Ralphie:

You know, I happened to run into Ralph Nader recently in Chicago, and I, like a great many others, was looking to dissuade him from his present course. He’s a very nice man, maybe the nicest man I’ve met in politics—there’s something very decent about Nader, truly convincing in terms of his own probity. So I didn’t feel, “Oh, he’s doing it for ugly motives.” Didn’t have that feeling at all in the course of our conversation. Still, I was trying, as I say, to dissuade him, while recognizing that the odds were poor that I’d be successful. At one point, he said, “You know, they’re both for the corporation, Kerry and Bush.” And it’s true; both candidates are for the corporation, and I do agree with Nader that ultimately the corporation is the major evil. But in my mind, Bush is the immediate obstacle. He is a collection of disasters for America. What he does to the English language is a species of catastrophe all by itself. Bush learned a long time ago that certain key words, “evil, patriotism, stand-firm, flag, our-fight-against-terrorism,” will get half the people in America stirred up. That’s all he works with. Kerry will be better in many ways, no question. All the same, he will go along too much with the corporations who, in my not always modest opinion, are running America. At present, I don’t see how any mainstream politician can do otherwise. Finally, they’re working against forces greater than themselves.

I expect this is about how I feel, though I'm probably a little less anti-corporation than Mailer. I mean, I love me some Diet Coke. I like a lot of things they produce. It just depends on how red I am feeling on any given day.

From Charles Taylor's piece on Tom Cruise in Salon today:

Cruise may not have a recognizable persona (ever seen a comic do a Tom Cruise impression?), but there is something that characterizes him: a lack of believable experience.

Well, um, yeah... actually.

How dare people allege he has a cocaine problem! Why, it's clearly just his thumb acting up again. (From the effort he expends packing a bowl with it, yo.)

Maybe so, when it comes to bad TV. I wouldn't say I had real high expectations for Blue Collar TV, but it has indeed failed to meet even the ones I had. Did I watch most of the half-hour? Yes, but the laughter was mostly at, not with. And now I see that it did well, especially with wimmenfolk, which is especially surprising. There was one sketch based on wondering why people put stuff in coffins to accompany the deceased, one where the three of them (facial hair and all) played big babies in the back seat of an SUV, and one about a family so fat it thinks dieting is dangerous and wrong. Yeah. I can feel the blank looks on your faces from here. And that's what I mean about the level of badness. It feels like no effort whatsoever was put into anything. It's compelling in a crash and burn way, and yet, now I find that there seems to be no crashing or burning.

It's mostly disappointing because I do think these guys are funny, and as I continue to catch Ron White's special on Comedy Central, I gain more and more respect for him, mostly his delivery. He can sell a joke that's not even that funny with the right kind of pause, and I admire that. e.g., one of his many stories about getting arrested for being drunk in public, which contains the line, "I had the right to remain silent. [pause pause, sip drink] I just didn't have the ability." You can listen to the bit here, extracted from the BCCT; it's a bit toned down from his special--just imagine slightly more offensive words here and there--and it's a little faster. I'll do my best to find a more representative sample, but I can't guarantee it.

It looks like Page 3's just going nuts on the whole music/baseball thing, with a feature giving at-bat tunes (or the music while coming out to the pitcher's mound) for as many players as they can. The AL's all that's up right now, but the NL's coming. Lots of entertaining details scattered throughout, e.g., "Zito called to complain that the A's were playing the wrong song for him. They were playing a rap song and he wanted Incubus Megalomaniac cued 37 seconds in." The best, however, is this one:

When Alex Rodriguez played for the M's (1994-2000), he unintentionally started the "Who Let the Dogs Out" craze. The Mariners originally played the song for catcher Joe Oliver when he came to the plate. The music people played it randomly and almost jokingly because they thought it was a funny song. A-Rod heard it and called up to the booth a couple innings later and said "Joe doesn't like that song, but I do, play it for me. It has a kind of Miami feel to it. I like it."

So, they did, and then it caught on, and the rest is history. So, if you hate that song, you can technically blame A-Rod for letting the dogs out.

So, even if you're not a Chromeo fan, I'd think their epk would make you one. Head to their site, click on the helicopter that signifies "audio & video," and the epk is at the bottom. What I like about this, honestly, is that I'm really not sure if any of it is a joke or not. It's not transcending irony through total sincerity because one suspects that that sincerity might actually be a put-on, but then... in the end, one has no damn idea other than to say, if it is a joke, it's a pretty good one. It's also worth watching just to see the words "P-Thugg's mom" up on the screen.

I guess I'd sum up my reaction as equivalent to what it was watching the trailer for You Got Served: it's amused at first, but then, that guy sliding on his head is just fucking cool. Chromeo is that guy.

For more music/videos, check here and don't miss "You're So Gangsta" in particular.

Despite being in favor of consuming things in general, I try to restrain myself for both budgetary and aesthetic/space reasons, but news of this is nothing but good. They even did a nice job on the cover. Polanski's finally getting some credit as a director again (winning an Oscar'll do that), but he'll probably never get his due as an actor, despite a fine job in this and The Tenant and that little part in Chinatown.

Man, she's really let herself go. Sure sure, the article is kind of interesting, but the photo's really where it's at.

1) The aforementioned Miss Maines didn't even show.

2) Nice pants, Mellencamp.

3) Heh, they stuck the Death Cab for Cutie guys in the back. Famousness radiates out from the middle of the photo, clearly. Which is bad news for ol' Millsy, who sure does take a bad picture. Oof. Dude might not be the coolest guy evs, but he's not that frazzled generally.

Because then you get an idea of what they think goes into a list. Pop (all love) directs us to Peter Gammons's list of his favorite 20 albums of all time (on page 3). It could not be more Peter Gammons. When I read his analysis or catch him on Baseball Tonight, he seems like a nice enough guy, one who doesn't dog my team too much or err completely on the side of the newest trend. But he's also lacking the sharpness and (I hate to put it this way, so take it with a cup of Downy) intellectual standards of a Rob Neyer. He's the kind of guy (like Joe Morgan, but not to the same extent) who talks a lot about intangibles and the importance of emotion in the game. These things may play a role, or they may not. Probably not. But there's no way to measure them, so it's a lazy choice. It's just a sports cliche. I do think that he means it, but he's the kind of guy who tends naturally to the mainstream.

The two things that reinforce this the most in his list are:

1) the presence of tons of live albums--I like a live show, but I generally do not like a live album. They're usually badly recorded and just... not the same in terms of what the artist was going for originally, unless the artist is a jammy kind of artist, which isn't my thing. Anyway, it's a commonplace to say that live music is always better than recorded music (and a small jump from there to owning lots and lots of live albums).

2) Best ofs--Isn't there an unspoken rule that says, even if you have to buy these (and sometimes it is worth buying one, if it has all you'd ever want), you a) shouldn't be proud of it and b) definitely aren't allowed to include them on a "top whatever" list? They're not really albums so much, and if you are picking albums, you have to respect that a little. And it feels like cheating, doesn't it? I mean, why can't I pick the 1950s Elvis box set for an album if I want to?

There are some good things he includes, but basically, it's just as Gammons as it gets.

Case: Miss Halle Berry, ranting against plastic surgery and saying that she is "saddened by the way women mutilate their faces today." While Botox isn't exactly surgery, it's, you know, in the ballpark as far as face mutilation goes. And while I'm not sure there are any pix of Catwoman actually poking herself in the forehead with a syringe, when most folks bust out into tears, there's at least a little wrinkling in that area.

Who said TV never did no good for nobody? I mean, it might've gotten his arm, and his dad might have a little difficulty distinguishing among species (we think "sharkfight" was the word he was looking for), but Aaron Perez should be doing PSAs for the benefits of television.

Brief NYT article about the new direction of one Paige Davis, host of Trading Spaces. A few brief points to make:

1) Soccer mom? I think not.

2) Points to anyone who can tell what her new nickname will be to at least this half of Team Brown.

3) Maltese = so the new kabbalah string.* Witness here and here and even here, in the penultimate paragraph.

*googling for "maltese" and "britney" together leads one to the fabulous "Maltese Only Forum," where you can follow debates like "pee pads vs. litter boxes," whether you can get your money back if your maltese is genetically defective, and what to do about mood swings.

Added 08/04: Nothing, y'all? Nothing? I thought "pee pads" was the funniest evs.

We watched The Devil-Doll (1936) last night, one of several obscure titles picked up at the Video Library sale and largely on the basis of the cover, which features a sweet old lady one later realizes is Lionel Barrymore, who, yes, is a total ham, but is very enjoyable onscreen (I would say particularly in Grand Hotel). One new feature IMDB has added is the ability to watch the trailer for almost anything, and you can do so for this movie. It'll give you a pretty good idea of the plusses (great special effects, about as good as you can get really up until the advent of CGI, a little bit of creepiness, and massive amusement at Barrymore's sweet old lady voice), and it has some very cool wipes (ooh, squared spiral). Raffaela Ottiano, who plays the deranged scientist's crippled wife (and, coincidentally, was also in Grand Hotel), is definitely a character actress to seek out. Would I recommend you spend your life searching for this movie? No, but watching the trailer should give you just under two minutes of entertainment.

Oh fine. If AMD can do it, I can do it:

1. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Not sure I've been there. It can always get worse, can't it? I suppose if there were nothing new to me in the world, that would be pretty miserable.

2. Where would you like to live?
I'm happy where I am, in beautiful Athens, GA. Sometimes I think I could deal with Canada, but it's cold up there.

3. What is your idea of earthly happiness?
What I'm livin'.

4. To what faults do you feel most indulgent?
Faults in other folks or faults in myself? This is a poorly constructed question. I might bitch about other folks' faults behind their backs, but I'm pretty indulgent of them in general.

5. Who are your favorite heroes of fiction?
Don Gately, Leopold Bloom, Ebenezer Cooke

6. Who are your favorite characters in history?
Leon Battista Alberti is one I admire. Also Thomas Paine.

7. Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
Katharine Hepburn, Joan Acocella

8. Who are your favorite heroines of fiction?
Elinor Dashwood, Eve, Miranda

9. Your favorite painter?
Today, it's Jeff Owens

10. Your favorite musician?
Today, it's Brian Eno.

11. The quality you most admire in a man?
An effort to be pleasant to others without entirely losing one's own personality

12. The quality you most admire in a woman?
ditto

13. Your favorite virtue?
compassion

14. Your favorite occupation?
for me, it'd be manuscript editorial work

15. Who would you have liked to be?
only me

16. Your most marked characteristic?
lots of hair, on my head that is

17. What do you most value in your friends?
conversation

18. What is your principle defect?
intellectual hyperactivity? i.e., what some folks call "intense" when they mean it in a bad way; i'm also impatient

19. What is your dream of happiness?
Didn't I answer this already

20. What to your mind would be the greatest of misfortunes?
Me learning how to drive only to discover I've become an inconsiderate a-hole like most people on the roads.

21. What would you like to be?
I am already what I'd like to be.

22. In what country would you like to live?
this is irrelevant

23. What is your favorite color?
Pink

24. What is your favorite flower?
magnolia flowers (smell so good)

25. What is your favorite bird?
hate birds, pretty much all of them

26. Who are your favorite prose writers?
David Foster Wallace, John Barth, Penelope Fitzgerald

27. Who are your favorite poets?
John Milton, G.M. Hopkins, John Donne

28. Who are your heroes in real life?
Enough with the questions about heroes already. There are lots of folks I admire, but "hero" is overused.

29. What are your favorite names?
Donterrious, Chevrolet, Hap

30. What is it you most dislike?
Thoughtlessness

31. What historical figures do you most despise?
I don't know if i despise anyone.

32. What event in military history do you most admire?
that ol' Glorious Revolution in England was aight

33. What reform do you most admire?
Politically? Or what now? I think LBJ's Great Society was pretty cool.

34. What natural gift would you most like to possess?
Maybe the teeniest bit of athletic coordination

35. How would you like to die?
Hit by a bus when I'm 90. I'd like to die instantly, accidentally, and without any long complicated anything. Whoosh. Thump. Dead.

36. What is your present state of mind?
Irritated that my phone keeps ringing

37. What is your motto?
Because it's there, yo.

[why is it called a Proust questionnaire?]

So what is one supposed to do when key words come up over and over again but say "saying it over and over again doesn't make it true." Ah, but is all this intended to create a paradox? Because when you say "saying it over and over again doesn't make it true" over and over again, doesn't that start to have the ring of untruth as well? At least, if you're prone to contemplate. Maybe the new meme is that repetition does equal truth. (One hopes not.)

Update: Oh hooray.

Here's something that will do it real fast. If you're heading to Kmart to buy a watering can, since they don't carry them at the Kroger next door, and while you're waiting in line, you almost go heels over head on a puddle of wetness near where the aisle begins. But you catch yourself, luckily, with some sort of instinctive balance that usually is out to lunch. And you get called over to another lane that's opened up. So while you're waiting for the cashier lady to ring up the $6 watering can (which, incidentally, may not even be worth $6), you're trying to decide whether to mention it or not. I mean, they probably already know and are hastening from the back with one of those "cuidado! piso mojado!" signs, and who wants to be the annoying customer who tells the oppressed service-industry worker something she's already heard multiple times probably? Not me. There's a line that can be easily crossed, dividing "helpful" from "busybody," and I very much want to stay on the right side of it.

So of course, since I don't mention anything, as I'm being rung up, this girl (who looks like one of the tons of students filing back into town as leases begin) goes right down in it, and there is the worst thunking noise possible as her head hits the floor. The sort that makes your legs shiver. She seemed fine, and there was no blood and no tears, but there's nothing like witnessing something of the sort to make one remember: oh yes--we are but fragile upright creatures, less coordinated than animals and much weaker. How's that for profundity? Blue-light special on human insight, aisle 3.