Whitey hatin'

Look. Cynthia McKinney is a wackjob. But a) she is a wackjob who pretty much votes the way I want her to, and b) she is our wackjob. With all the Mexican hating and Supreme vafanculo-ing and general insanity on the part of the Republicans, are we liberal folk not allowed to have some too? There needs to be a spot reserved in the House for a token whitey-hater, and she is great at what she does. (Please let her be booked on "Better Know a District." Fingers crossed.)

Hobbyhorse

Sonny ain't saying whether he'll sign the anti-immigrant bill or not, which of course means he will (is he ever silent and then unpredictable? what's the point of this reticence, anyway?), but he does say he doesn't think it is anti-immigrant (I'm signing!) and poses with Isakson and Chambliss (I'm signing!).

The NFL is attempting to curtail end-zone celebrations, a la college football. See, there's a place for everything, and college is for learning how to play the game and acting like a grown-up. After you get to the big leagues, you can showboat. Suggestion: Have end-zone celebrations judged by a panel, in figure-skating style. If they're not creative enough, then penalize the team the 15 yards. If they're Chad Johnson, no penalty. Ever.

Huckaby (Veep of $$) writes to the paper to say that, in fact, those employees said not to be getting raises will be getting them and that UGA really is trying to raise its minimum wage. Oh, and that people have gotten raises. He doesn't mention that if you only make $18K a year, your raise pretty much gets entirely eaten up in health insurance costs. I mean, if about $4 a month is a big fat raise, he should say so. (Another librarian, this time a UGA one, is pissed. I hear they're raising an army.)

Ethanol and biodiesel are not the same thing. Thanks for the clarification, Tom Adams.

So that's 99% of people who think Bob Smith's a douche and one commenter at AthPo who doesn't.

The Republican Ag Commish candidates stop by Athens and fight among themselves over biofuels.

The Key is removing professors' names. This actually is a tiny step in the direction of trying to improve academics on campus. People will still ask each other if a teacher's an easy grader, but it will be slightly harder to select your classes based on that.

This parapro lady claims she was sexually molested by a seven-year-old. Criminal charges? What the fuck?

If you are nice, clean-living tailgating folk, that is okay. It's hard to say how I feel about this, even though the author comes off as very reasonable. I don't exactly bear a deep love for obnoxious, loud, drunken assholes. And yet... it must be said that in some ways, those assholes are part of the college football experience. Isn't the point of gameday that it's a release? This column, on the other hand, thinks Adams is killing the tailgating experience.

I hate things I've never tried!

You know what especially rules about this letter from Sarah Daniel in the R&B about the drank (second one on the page)? She's listed as "senior, undecided." High five, Sarah!

Naw. It ain't performing. It's preforming. Twice.

"Incident at Checkers" is the name of my new short film:

When a man stepped in to break up the fight, Dorsey allegedly used both his fists to punch the witness' neck, according to police, who said the witness declined to press charges.

Please tell me it was at the same time. One fist and then the other ain't nearly so great as two of em at once. Whoomp.

Madison County is screwing its own school system (and the state is helping).

And chicken poo = electricity.

Comics

Watchmen: Okay. Impressive indeed. It's a little prickly, and I find it hard to say how I feel about it (that is, I'm not swamped with overwhelming love immediately), but it sure is something. Mr. Brown and I were talking with his half-brother (18) this past weekend, and he asked what it was about when it came up. Well, it's about the entire history of superhero comics. And more, of course, but that seems to me to be the strongest theme. Their weaknesses, their strengths, the different stages/ages they went through, where they can possibly go now. Things like that. The visual relationships between panels (often extending to words) are fantastic, and the last joke, the one about the cover, is awesome. The way Moore manages to shift back and forth, especially in the parts that flip between the pirate comic the guy on the street is reading and the events that surround him in reality, is quite amazing, and it gets progressively more complex as it goes on. I think the plot revelations at the end could be clarified a little, and it's weird to realize not every character will get an extensive backstory, but it's quite a strong piece of work, about as strong as Jimmy Corrigan and equally bleak, but so totally different. Am very curious to read more. Mr. Brown has just finished V for Vendetta, so that's up next (and then we'll try to go see it).

Oh staff listserv...

Here is a saga for you.

Parte the firste:

I found a beautiful pet rabbit yesterday and now I need to find it a good home. Wednesday I took my grandson to the play ground at Johnson Methodist Church in Watkinsville, while we were there I noticed a cage that had been left under one of the outside tables. As I approached it I realized there was a rabbit inside. There was also a bowl and a bag of food on top of the cage. I hoped that someone had left it for a person coming to church on Wed night to pick up. About 9:30 last night I went back to check on it and found it still there. I took the rabbit home but I can’t keep it. The rabbit is beautiful with a medium brown fur that looks like velvet, it has white under the paws and is very friendly. If you are interested please call or e-mail me as listed below.

Parte the seconde:

I wonder if it's a girl and if it's spayed. I never thought about spaying rabbits before but it is quite common for pet rabbits. I would think it's necessary actually because girl cats and dogs who cycle into heat over and over but don't get bred or spayed can get pyometra which is an infection of the uterus and is very painful and very expensive to treat with not always a happy ending. I always tell people who have indoor cats or dogs who aren't spayed but tell me it isn't necessary as they don't go out or go around males that they may be dooming their animals to a very painful death. Now somebody tell me if the same thing is true about girl rabbits?

P.S. I've heard that rabbits and cats can live together quite nicely but I'm afraid
this rabbit would be a bit outnumbered or I'd take him/her in a minute. :)

Parte the thirde (the conclusion):

Thank you so much for all the wonderful responses. I found a wonderful home for the rabbit. Thanks again!

Bows. Applause.

Brilliance

So after lunch today, which was eaten outside, next to the smoker at Rooster's, I thought BBQ perfume was a pretty decent idea. Once you smell like bbq, you kind of can't stop sniffing yourself with delight, and the fading leads to a slight sadness. But the Half Bakery already has that idea on file.

Then. In the car. The idea struck like lightning. People hate smelling like cigarette smoke, but they love smelling like the bbq variety, so here we go: cigarettes that smell like bbq. You'd come home after a night on the town, a night of carousing and sweat, but would you smell of a stale bar? No. You'd smell of a delicious meal. The only possible drawback would be the potential for nausea if you'd overindulged. I think we need to get Philip Morris on this. Chop chop.

Hobbyhorse

So, Bob Smith is making news all over the place locally. Here's the ACC story and the reactions of JMac and AthPo, who've already torn him a couple more new ones. I don't think he needs three, so I'll refrain.

In the General Assembly, the bill to accelerate the gas pipeline dies (so those dudes got their meals and likewise for free!). The hate crime bill is also dead, and the one that would place the tiniest little restrictions on title pawn lending (and "restrictions" is being very generous; all it means is that they have to rell you before they take your car) almost so. There is much shoe-pounding as usual over the budget. And the bill designed to punish illegal immigrants is slightly modified (no more wire transfer fee, but instead a requirement that 6 percent of wages be withheld from paychecks of those without proof of a Social Security number; and current illegal immigrants working for Georgia employers are grandfathered in) and on Sonny's desk. Shipp compares flood of illegal immigrants and associated government screw-ups to Katrina. Only, you know, not on TV and with fewer dead people.

Donald Harris do not know his Shakespeare. Criticism of the current church doesn't equate to not liking scripture. About every religious writer ever can tell you that.

I have got to get into one of those skyboxes.

Ew. Football. How unrefined.

This guy says UGA shares some blame for the poverty rate in Athens, and to some extent, that's true. Back in the days when funding seemed a neverending pot 'o gold, it might have been time to do the right thing and stop screwing around with "temporary" classifications and minimum wage jobs, but what really sucks is how much harder it is now to do anything about it. (Matt Pulver writes a nice editorial about such.)

So how many students were at the PPA meeting besides the PR guy from the College Republicans?

R&B runs an op-ed on alcohol and an entire section called "Under the Influence." What did we learn? Unfortunately not which bars are the places to buy coke (we could probably hazard a guess or two, though).

Okay, so this cartoon about gay rights on campus doesn't quite represent the opposition accurately. The "homophobic nut job" should have his voter ID in hand. And Sonny should be over there. And he should be somehow shown to have a lot of influence over Adams (standing in for the rest of the Republican-controlled general assembly). I'm not saying it's right. The university should grow a pair. But it's more complicated and more tied to money than it seems.

Meth bad, but video games good.

A spoon

Nicholas Lemann's piece on Bill O'Reilly in the New Yorker really does a great job at capturing the strange appeal of the man. Sure, sometimes I hate him too. All of us good liberals do. But he's such a ball of contradictions and so clearly full of neurosis that you can't take your eyes off him (Sean Hannity is less interesting). Here's the essential bit:

In 1998, after the launch of “The O’Reilly Factor,” but before superstardom, he published a thriller called “Those Who Trespass,” which is his most ambitious and deeply felt piece of writing. “Those Who Trespass” is a revenge fantasy, and it displays extraordinarily violent impulses. A tall, b.s.-intolerant television journalist named Shannon Michaels, the “product of two Celtic parents,” is pushed out by Global News Network after an incident during the Falkland Islands War, and then by a local station, and he systematically murders the people who ruined his career. He starts with Ron Costello, the veteran correspondent who stole his Falkland story:

The assailant’s right hand, now holding the oval base of the spoon, rocketed upward, jamming the stainless stem through the roof of Ron Costello’s mouth. The soft tissue gave way quickly and the steel penetrated the correspondent’s brain stem. Ron Costello was clinically dead in four seconds.

Michaels stalks the woman who forced his resignation from the network and throws her off a balcony. He next murders a television research consultant who had advised the local station to dismiss him: he buries the guy in beach sand up to his neck and lets him slowly drown. Finally, during a break in the Radio and Television News Directors Association convention, he slits the throat of the station manager. O’Reilly describes each of these killings—the careful planning, the suffering of the victim, the act itself—in loving detail.

Note that this novel seems largely based in his own experiences, including the Falkland stuff.

Police Blotter (three boxes of condoms edition)

Is that anything like tearing the roof off the sucka?

Theft: On March 20, a man reported that a woman who once rented a home from him on Malcom Bridge Road returned to the location and took the roof off of a shed.

So they like trees?

Damage: On March 21, officials at the Community Development Institute office on East Thompson Street, Bogart, reported someone spray painted a streak of paint on a bus and painted "For Life" on a tree.

Vice wins!

Theft: On March 23, a man operating a convenience store on Experiment Station Road reported he left the business on the previous night shortly before midnight and noticed that a pickup was following him. The pickup followed him into Stonebridge subdivision, where he lived, so he decided not to stop at home but keep driving. After losing the truck, he returned to Experiment Station Road and saw the pickup parked along a street running beside Tires Plus, where the driver was talking to another man. He returned home and the next morning, he found that his father's unlocked van, parked in the driveway, had been entered. Two cartons of cigarettes, three boxes of condoms, and a case of lighters, all valued at $75, were stolen.

The rest of the quiet week is here.

Publications

We got hot, fresh reviews of Young Hooks (please don't hurt me), Juvenile (yay!), and People in Planes (no noise or reaction here). We also got a serious excess of question marks. Really. These reviews are full of statements. Punctuation to the contrary.

Something like a phenomenon. But not actually a phenomenon.

On my way home, in Eckerd, I saw Soap Opera Weekly by the cash register. The major cover feature read:

"American Idol Gossip! It's like a soap opera."

Only, of course, it's not a soap opera. If Soap Opera Weekly continues in this direction, not only will we get features on 24 and The OC, but also the daily activities of Brangelina and the like. Do you think Woodworkers of America magazine (note: made up) runs cover stories about things that are similar to, but not really, woodworking?

Hobbyhorse

Our buddy I'm a Realist runs down the tailgating restrictions and the reasonableness of each in fine, fine form. Short version: Bullshit.

You know something's cool when middle-aged people start doing it.

Prince Avenue Baptist about to sell to Piedmont College, most likely. Will they give that stack of cash to the needy?

Oh, snap! Tommy Irvin reads the ABH, and he ain't happy about the pie editorial. Not like ol' man Irvin didn't already have my vote, but his pointing out that he does, in fact, care about enforcing the law would've snagged it if he didn't. Can we expect a similar letter from Kempy-boy stating that he, too, cares about the law?

Richt and Adams (and McGruff?) team up to talk to kids about drugs and alcohol (They're bad. Don't do 'em.) and get some student feedback in the process. The question is whether any drug-doing, alcohol-drankin' students will go to this thing and say the university's D&A policy is fine the way it is.

Brian Nichols/"Trapped in the Closet" crossover! You heard it here first.

Creepy fetus murder bill passes the Georgia House 155 to 0. Yeah. 0.

Hip hop group forms on campus. This must be due to all that multicultural recruiting. A dozen students, you say?

Apparently, some kind of cap on HOPE could result in better funded state colleges an universities, but those asked for comment immediately assume it's a cap on hours as opposed to a cap on who gets it.

Text messaging. It helps relationships.

Here is the hinge

It's amazing how just being vaguely on the lookout for something can cause it to pop right into your field of vision. In this case, it's the connection between rappers/rap producers and comic book nerds. They wouldn't seem to have much in common, but a lot of rappers seem to be into comics. There's even a producer named Green Lantern. This all seems ripe for a conference paper connecting the two. But how?

SFJ provides the link, I believe, in his piece on Ghostface (I have got to go get that album):

In an aside of the kind that makes Ghostface’s songs great, Jadakiss adds, “I’m asthmatic, so I’m lookin’ for somewhere to hide at.”)

But of course. Ghetto living frequently leads to asthma because of the excess of particulate matter in the air. Asthma leads to a lack of athletic activity and, usually, to staying inside. In white people, this results in pastiness and love of comics (probably because its like vicarious action). In black people, just the latter.

Enunciation = goodness

Not that I never drop my G's, but when you are trying to be very serious, it is to your benefit to speak clearly.

Witness: The announcer who says, before pretty much every episode of 24 (and this is often how you know it'll be a good one), "Due to some graphic violence, viewer discretion is advised."

You really want to say that "dyoo too." Not "doo doo." Because your less mature viewers (hand raised here) will laugh every week. Every week.

We get letters, part 2

Someone is still not satisfied. Or possibly related to Tweet.

Date: March 27, 2006 4:40:07 PM EST
To:
Subject: Tweet

Tweet is one of the most underrated talented artist in the music industry today. Its such a shame how poeple put other forks in categorys. Tweet is in a class of her own. She can not be compared to anyone other than herself. Tweet has put out some amazing songs; that has left even the industry in ooz. This multi-talented dark skin beautiful sister to be promoted to the fullest. Atlantic Records you all need to do your job as her label. Tweet second album Its me again should have never failed. There was just way to much good soul music wasted. We the fans need artist like tweet in the industry. It ant always about hip hop, and rap; we need her type of soul music and can no other artist deliver like tweet.

Singles

Week 11(?) is up. Apparently Oomph! is being ironic, which is a real shame because the song is loads of sweaty fun. And Cecily is right on in comparing the Pipettes tune to "Monster Mash."

Blurbed, but not selected:

NewS - Sayaendou (Japan): “Tarzan Boy” updated. Maybe with some surfing thrown in?
[4]

If you want any of it, drop me a line.

It's good for rugs, apparently

This is the exciting part of the publication that has been destroying my brain. War rugs. From Baluchistan. Aren't they just the cutest thing ever? With the tiny helicopters that one can see the influence of animals in (sort of like a squirrel, only with a propeller on top). And the pretty colors. Unfortunately, this site doesn't have any of the ones with the World Trade Center depicted (or various other hoped-for disasters). What it does have is the most fervent set of testimonials I've seen in a while. e.g.,

I love love my rugs. Even though love and war are not supposed to go together.

When I opened the package..., I literally began shrieking with delight. I carefully unrolled and examined each of them. I was completely thrilled and must have said, "Oh my God!" at least five hundred times.

If I were rich, I would buy all the rugs!

I would like to get another rug

Cliche

The counter is a neverending source of fascination to the blog owner. Less so to the blog reader. But occasionally, it produces quite the gem. So you were looking for that, were you? Doing a little research? Scouting the area? Best of luck to you, my invisible friend.

Hobbyhorse

Kinman has Jordan on her side as far as shifting the funding of local agencies onto local government from CDB grants. The question is whether this is a good thing. If there were a poll to pick the commissioner you least want to have your back, methinks Jordan and McCarter would be neck and neck.

The ABH thinks the fact that Perdue is talking to the Consortium for Adequate School Funding is a good sign. Not for the governor it ain't. They must have a pretty good case to make. Also: the sales tax as a means of funding education. It will not die in the paper.

The Bible (bib-lay, as Izzard says) in schools: This guy's agin it because he thinks the fact that it can be taught in a history class means they're teaching the contents as history. My oral surgeon, howevs, loves it. Do note that the fish was plastered on everything in his office.

Mary Lyndon Hall might get co-ed rooms. That will attract the boys.

How do you tell, from a single article, whether you're reading the campus paper or the local paper? "According to McKaig’s Facebook profile..."

Student points out that Tate preachers like sunshine. Dude, when it's rainy, they work on their arks.

No cheese dip for you, Chip Rogers! (Also, head of UGA College Republicans is pretty good at that whole "no you started it thing.)

Some UGA employees won't be getting that raise Sonny pushed through: the poor ones. How do you help stop poverty? Increase a motherfucker's salary.

ATV regulations don't pass in the general assembly. Representative Sims gets understandably a little weepy.

Winders hates the kids. Maybe he's just bitter about his favorite secretary leaving the paper? Or maybe he was also having dinner near these kids?

Fried pies have suddenly become the big issue in the Irvin-Kemp race for Ag Commish. Look, is it not ridiculous that the two of them are arguing over how lenient they'll be in the job? I think this woman was probably a sweet old lady and whoever called the health inspector is a jerk, but shouldn't the laws be enforced? How often do you hear someone running for an office pledge that he won't, in fact, fulfill his duties to the highest degree?

Much as I'd kind of like to see Jim Ponsoldt occupying Ralph Hudgens's seat, I think this sort of approach is a silly way to spend your energy as the state minority party. You can look at it as though it's now a vulnerable seat, and the Dems are trying to pick up all they can, but it's also easy for Ralphie to paint it as purely revenge motivated.

With three days left, what are your lawmakers doing? Trying to get themselves reelected and rape the school system a little more in the process.

What do the students think about these tailgating restrictions? 1) We didn't get any say. 2) Rules mean nothing unless they're enforced. 3) It's all in the name of good PR: "Basically, I’m tired of your academic rigor campaign manifesting itself into a witch-hunt that doesn’t promote the betterment of the University or its reputation." Damn, yo. We like her.

How to make young people start voting? Have them hang out with senior citizens and discover how little many folks actually know about the process.

Greene County: Serving the needs of old rich whitey since 1996.

More Manoguerra than you can shake a stick at.

Germany wins

Yes, we have candy here that features brains and goo and amazing sourness. But do we have this? Not yet.

Movie Diary

Eddie Izzard: Circle: Brilliant as usual. What makes Izzard so good, partially, is his ability to go from very highbrow stuff about history and religion and so on (as well as jokes about how language works) to making silly noises and faces at the audience. Also, his particular style (more a braid than a circle) and his accent cannot help but remind me of Romita Ray, curator of prints and drawings at the GMOA. She, too, goes full speed most of the time, with occasional pauses to corral her thoughts. Also also, if you were a transvestite, wouldn't you wear something that looked better on you? His leather pants, with their weird little circle of bells or tassels or whatever around the knee, are unflattering and distracting.

Emetic

If you ate too much this weekend or something. Thanks, once again, to Taste of Home magazine for directing me here.

Mostly, I went to go see the Thomas Kinkade Seasonal Outdoor Decorative Flag Collection. Because what says "Happy Mother's Day" more than a weird glass-topped gazebo? Does the Labor Day feature angry Wobblies?

But there are also 28 different items under "Unicorns." Including the Breast Cancer Awareness Unicorn.

List

Atlanta.

1. Always, always exhausting.

2. That thing that feels like a blister on the ball of your foot? It is.

3. 50-cent plates and bowls at Ikea are worth the trouble, though.

4. Oxford Comics: About as cool as I remembered, only with slightly more people wandering into the "adults only" section than I'm entirely comfortable with.

5. Yarn stores and comic book stores. More in common than you might think. Mostly in the "this is our turf" vibe that you get from people who clearly don't go out a whole lot most of the time (in the one case, old ladies; in the other, pasty dudes). Also, knitting: utterly incomprehensible in terms of the mechanics, but very exciting when it works.

6. The yard sale to benefit wildlife, specifically birds, featured a very tiny owl. Luckily, he was chained to his perch, as I was scared of him even though he was about the size of an avocado. A predatory avocado, though. There would be a picture here if Blogger were not thwarting me.

Hobbyhorse

So the paper might not have wanted to place this story about an 81-year-old man crashing his car through the front doors of Charter Cable right after this other story about the coming retirement community in Oconee County and how great that's going to be. More old folks? Oh boy!

Jimmy Carter thinks voter IDs are a good idea, but I don't have to agree with everything he says. He also loves some Jesus. I think he likes the principle of the thing, but this isn't such a great case for that.

A few poor senior citizens might get a break on their gas bills. Now that it's spring.

Mundo Hispanico printed the approximate location of Chip Rogers's house, and he thinks it's an intimidation tactic. You're damn right it is. It's a retaliatory one. It's not exactly right, but who wouldn't like to hear about him finding a flaming bag of poo on his doorstep?

Stream buffers no. Funeral buffers yes. And has there been a session in recent memory that didn't feature a bill designed to punish child molesters?

Matt Stafford must love pancakes. Personally, I think a little padding is good for a QB. Cushions him when he gets knocked down.

R&B explains the process left to go through on the Navy School property. There's an Indian tribe interested, but they haven't properly filed their paperwork.

Ah. It was about time for SGA to come up with an idea every student on campus and every future student will hate. High five, y'all. Best part? "The class will be taught by a tenured professor." Gosh yes. We have so many around with so much free time. Are they planning on holding it in Sanford?

And Safe Campuses Now is sorriest evs, guys.

You do one nice thing...

Last year, after being hassled on the phone about it, I mailed out some requests for contributions to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. I ended up getting a couple of checks for $5 back, which I dutifully mailed on. What do I get in return? These. Is there another sticker you can get that says, "I'm using these ironically"?

Yes, I do take requests

The awesomeness that is DePrima (and the Willinator) now having a blog, yodeling came up. Luckily, this fantastic song, known only as "Cambodian Funk Yodeler" (though the accuracy of that is in dispute), which was part of the 365 Days Project, seems still to be available for download. Scroll down to Feb. 19, #50, download, and enjoy. The Cambodian part may be off, but the funk and the yodel are brought amply.

Supreme

When Team Brown stopped by Taco Bell the other night for dinner (mostly because I am obsessed with the grilled stuft chicken caesar salad burrito), I ran in, as per usual, to order at the counter and get it to go (because, really, this is just easier, especially if you're the kind of person who both likes your order to be absolutely correct, but doesn't like to check it in such an extreme hurry driving off and definitely doesn't want to return to the place for replacement burritos). And then, while I was waiting for my number to be called, these two lil' old people wandered in and slowly made their way to the register, where they ordered two Crunchwrap Supremes (Crunchwraps Supreme?). And I thought, hmm. If I were an old person, I would be scared of such a new concept as the Crunchwrap Supreme, with its fancy crunch combined with its soft wrap, with its entirely new way of doing fast-food Mexican, with its zesty cheese sauce and its innovative box. If I were an old person, I don't even think I could say "crunchwrap supreme" with a straight face. It's humiliating. They might as well stick an "extreme" in there. But apparently I am wrong about old people. They like all their Fayxican wrapped up in an easy package, and their dentures are strong enough to deal with the to-the-max crunch.

What did you just say?

I thought I might have mentioned this before, but a quick search of the site shows that I must've just been amused by it in the privacy of my own mind.

So yeah. Not only is Effingham County, Georgia, notable in the resemblance it bears to a Kids in the Hall skit, but for those angry blue state people, it kind of has the best URL ever.

And there is a quiet beauty in the list of names of places there:

Located in southeast Georgia, just south of the South Carolina border and 20 miles northwest of the historic city of Savannah, Effingham County is one of the fastest growing communities in the State of Georgia. It consists of the incorporated cities of Springfield, Rincon and Guyton, along with a number of hamlets such as Blandford, Clyo, Ebenezer, Eden, Egypt, Faulkville, Hodgeville, Marlow, Meldrim, Pineora, Shawnee and Stillwell.

You may also want to check out some of the lovely photos.

Ow/Yay

If you're feeling that you've been far too nice to your ears lately, you might want to check out Kenny Rogers's new CD, Water & Bridges, which is currently streaming at AOL Music. Even the first choice for a single, "I Can't Unlove You," features Kenny in less than full voice, with something that's almost a hacking cough between "can't" and "unlove" on the chorus. Please, please do not miss "The Last Ten Years (Superman)," a cavalcade of what's happened in the past decade that mostly consists of a list of dead people (Johnny outranks June Carter by a few verses). And then try to scrub your brain, so you can stop pondering whose body Kenny's head has been photoshopped onto for the cover.

Howevs, at the same AOL Music link, you should be able to locate the new MC Lars album, The Graduate, which is all kinds of goodness. It's not just nerd rap. It's nerd rap that throws in a lot of guitars and melodies. "Generic Crunk Rap" is catchy in spite of its stereotyping (See! I can look past the lyrics, MC Lars. Why can't you?), and "21 Concepts" (samples the Tetris music), "Igeneration," and "Ahab" (we needed a rap based on Moby-Dick, but plot spoilers abound) are all just full of greatness and fun.

Police Blotter (the Teetness of it all)

Is there anything that equals the fantasticness of snarky quotation marks in the police blotter? I think not. Laura Teet, we love you more and more.

Theft: On March 14, deputy Laura Teet was called to a duplex on Aiken Road, Bogart, to meet with Athens-Clarke County police in regards to a Dodge pickup that was reported stolen. The pickup was located parked in front of the duplex. Athens policeman David Painter told Teet that the pickup had been taken at the dealership by a blond, who worked as a stripper in Atlanta. One neighbor in the area told officers that the woman had previously been parking the pickup behind the duplex. When Painter knocked on a door, a man answered but denied that the woman they were looking for was inside. However, he allowed Painter and Teet to go inside. Teet went into one bedroom and located a woman under some covers, but it was not the suspect. She went into another bedroom and located their suspect in the bed. The woman explained she didn't mean to keep the truck and had actually planned to return it that day. While they were inside, two "gentlemen" from Barrett arrived and took possession of the truck. The officers explained to the woman that it was possible the dealership could take out a warrant for her arrest.

Not, uh, really an excuse. More of an explanation:

Arrest: On March 19, deputy David Burchett was contacted by the owner of 1980 Pontiac Firebird who said his vehicle was damaged by someone in the parking lot of Publix. Burchett collected pieces of taillight, and talked to people in the area, who was described a 2004 Chevrolet Cavalier leaving the scene. The deputy drove to the suspect's house and the pieces matched the vehicle at the location. William Thomas Amos Jr., 17, of Crooked Creek Road, was charged with failure to notify the owner upon striking a vehicle. Amos said he didn't think anyone would know who did it.

Catfight at the elementary school!

Dispute: Deputy Laura Teet met with officials from Oconee County Primary School to serve two women with papers barring them from entering the school. The incident stemmed from a school employee walking into the foyer of the school and seeing two women with their arms around each others head. The young woman kneed the older one in the abdomen and pulled out a hand of hair. The older woman then slapped the young woman, at which point the employee ordered them to stop. They stopped their fight, although the younger woman was agitated at first.

The rest is here.

Hobbyhorse

The BC's SPLOST passes:

"It's hard to vote against building additional classrooms and enhancing our schools," said Barrow County schools Superintendent Ron Saunders...

Unless you, uh, work in the general assembly. I'm not sure the R&B is completely accurate on this story (the comment at the bottom asks if it's a cut or just that they didn't get all the funding they wanted), but, dude, it would be nice to see Brian Kemp one motherfucking time get genuinely pissed about his district not getting what it needs. (R&B no likey.) Please also to read this AP story on just how much education funding sucks nationwide. (Sidebar: The reason Wyoming increased its spending on education, as the NYT told me the other day, is because of all the increased prices for natural gas, of which they have a lot. Maybe education funding needs not only to be fairly distributed by the state, but by the federal gummint.)

Chancellor Davis said UGA has no explicit plans for the Navy School, but wants it anyway. The Red & Black tells us that he talked about binge drinking with students and Adams, but Wisconsin kicks our ass in it. Damn, Athens. Can't be getting left behind like that.

The ABH also thinks Matt Karzen is kinda hot.

Shipp does his usual rundown of all the ways the capitol people are trying to screw you while distracting you with Jane Fonda and illegal immigrants. These are my favorites:

Republican lawmakers are sponsoring a bill to eliminate permanently the sales tax on energy used by major manufacturers. Small businesses and residential consumers will take up the slack. The tax break for the fat cats is said to be worth more than $1 billion over the next decade.

Almost as a prologue to this budget shell game, the legislature last year passed a law to restrict and, in some cases, eliminate citizens' rights to seek legal redress for injuries suffered at the hands of obscenely rich health-care corporations. The excuse for this "tort reform": to reduce malpractice insurance rates. The reality: Malpractice insurance rates either stayed the same or went up. The insurance companies sent their thanks.

Now Chasteen has the boob lady mad at him.

Do notice that this horse is named Ebay.

And something about Brazilian ethanol.

Oh staff listserv...

On the one hand, that seems like a good deal. On the other, I don't have a lot of context.

Date: March 22, 2006 1:14:45 PM EST
To: UGA-FORSALE@LISTSERV.UGA.EDU
Subject: helicopter doors

2 chopper doors left and right fit a huey. 25.00 each

OM: The convertening

So, Mr. Barthel (my supposed husband, according to a SXSWer he met) is kinda on the Of Montreal tip now, but here's the thing: he thinks sexy music is necessarily music to fuck to. We've talked before in his comments about how I never had roommates and so this just basically wasn't the way my life happened, but that's not really the point. The point is the difference between sexiness and sexness, if you will. One of the things I love about OM is that they manage to inject a little oomph into twee dance music, but it's not a lot of oomph. It's more about, oh, flowers and cuddling and seeing someone cute when it's springtime and they've moved from unrevealing sweaters to T-shirts, which show a bit more spring. Dude. I like Prince, but it doesn't all have to be Prince. And I don't like a lot of stuff that says it's sexy. He makes a Britney comparison in the comments to the post that is apt. Of Montreal = the Britney of the indie scene (but not in the mean way you're thinking). And also, like, Mr. Barnes seems just to have figured out in the past two years that he's a rock star, so maybe he needs a little time before he starts in with the spandex.

Publications

Grub Notes. On Rouge and the unexcitingness that is China Wok. If you complain a bunch about your stuff being changed, apparently the next column doesn't get messed with. Or Rouge hasn't bought enough ads yet...

This is how it go

Who is cooler: the big actor who won't do his own stunts or the one who will? Or the stunt guy him-/herself, who risks life and limb to entertain you? Answer this question quickly, without thinking of specific examples, and then think of the current series of Diet Pepsi ads that feature Jay Mohr representing his "client" (Diet Pepsi). Specifically the ones where Diet Pepsi and Jackie Chan make a movie together. Diet Pepsi shows up and looks cool, then is replaced when it comes to an action scene with a can of Diet Coke, which performs the stunt (i.e., is crushed). But huh? The choice of Jackie Chan would seem to point up that it is cool to do your own stunts, although, obvs, he's getting older and doesn't so much anymore. Is the Jay Mohr agent character supposed to be overprotective? Is he uncool? Or is Diet Pepsi a giant pussy? I choose to believe the latter.

Read

Yet again, you are stuck with the Q&A because you refuse to pony up the ungodly amount of yearly money a New Yorker subscription costs. And also because you don't get to have me to send you my old copies, unlike Melissa. So you will just have to read this back and forth about Michael Specter's article "Political Science." And then go look for a shrimp fork to stab into your own eyes. Or don't. Because it's possible this administration's war on science has prevented there being a cure for that. I'm not sure if it's more depressing than Kolbert's stuff or not, but it might be because at least this feels a tiny bit more like we could actually have some control over the situation, as opposed to the vast uncaringness that is nature. We continue to be pretty fucked, though.

Hobbyhorse

Well, whoop-de-fucking-do. Rutland might get actual basic facilities someday. At least, that's what they're planning on. A cafeteria? Classrooms for art and music? Next thing you know, they'll be putting in a ceiling.

Matt Karzen, you are making me so hot. Where but in Athens would you hear a prosecutor saying some laws might be unnecessarily tough on crime?

Not only is he a good citizen, but he's also a bargain shopper.

First person to trademark "Methico" gets a star.

More annoyance with Safe Campuses Now, this time from Just Equal Athens, who take issue with their ads. Because there's so much heterosexual rape in prison...

El Chancellor was on campus today, and the R&B noted it on the front page, right next to this picture. Huh. Erroll Davis sure looks good at ping-pong. And surprisingly young... Also, all other University System presidents just got served notice of their place on the totem pole. And the student paper has some questions for the man.

Not that human interaction is always necessary, but it's one of the things that is great about public transit. It's a socializing mechanism. Or at least it should be. Withdrawal is not really the right answer.

Buck Harris looks like a pretty good pitcher. Especially for having a midget hand.

And Loran Smith loves doggies, going so far as to point out the Hound of the Baskervilles as an example of their centrality in our lives. Awww... widdle houndie.

Panty-watch

14) Because of the unique nature of traumatic brain injury, I find myself in a bizarre world. Since my car was struck by a BMW more than 10 years ago, I have been able to do things like write an essay for The New York Times to coincide with Brain Injury Awareness Month (March, this year), but I cannot pack away a couple of pairs of panties and a bar of soap. I cannot stockpile one can of tuna from a three-pack; I forget where I pile the stock. [from "Homeland Insecurity" by Marilyn A. Gelman, "a freelance writer and an advocate for people with traumatic brain injury," in the New Jersey section and hidden behind the pay wall, 03/12/06]

15) Then there's the all-black room at one side of the store, behind an explicitly nondiscreet black satin sash that reads, in sequins, "For Adults Only." Inside, gaggles of customers circulate in the darkness, fondling cupless bras ($88) and crotchless panties ($68) and giggling self-consciously. There are pink paddles, meant (I assume) for gentle spanking, and sequined pasties ($18). [from (where else?) Alex Kuczynski's Critical Shopper column, "Leaving Las Vegas With a Little Secret" onthe Vegas Victoria's Secret, 03/16/06]

16) "Let me ask you something," says Mr. Harvey, the former host of "It's Showtime at the Apollo" and a familiar face from television and film, preparing to dismantle the stereotype that Christians are frumps. "If Christians ain't sexy, where do all these little Christians keep coming from?" The crowd is howling, but he's not through. "It's Friday night. There's a Christian woman somewhere in the mall at Victoria's Secret right now looking at panties on the table. It's three for $20. I'm in there all the time." [from review of Don't Trip ... He Ain't Through With Me Yet, a Steve Harvey movie, by Neil Genzlinger, 03/17/06]

Note: Panty-watch is a regular feature here dedicated to tracking appearances of the word "panties" or "panty" in the New York Times, partially because it's amusing to see the Gray Lady venturing into such areas and partially to see if it correlates with anything specific. The end of the year should result in a few more graphs.

[previously] [bugmenot NYT]

Jukebox

Nombre dix is up. Please feel free to request whatever. Unless it is the Keith Urban song, in which case I will beat you with a stick.

Non-blurbed blurbs:

Kus: You would think a Gloria Estefan influence would be a good thing for the often Crisco-white world of Europop. But, er… not so much. Mostly it just makes me remember how much I hate being told to do that conga. [3]

Aly & AJ: ou sneer, but you will find yourself unconsciously singing along while flipping through the racks at Old Navy or, more likely, Limited Too. It is this close to playing over the credits of a major superhero movie, by which I mean you do not usually expect two lil’ girls to make such a relatively big noise. [6]

Yeah Yeah Yeahs: So they’re Narnia fans? Yes, if that world were all fiery and hard and warm. And it’s not just the lyrics and the video that suggest that temperature, but the sound of the song itself, which is full of bronzed clashes and the sort of bigness that ups the thermostat rather than cooling things down. It is all more interesting than it seems. [7]

I hope you eat as early as I do

I am all for efficiency and finding multiple uses for objects, but Uni-P is kind of freaking me out.

Hobbyhorse

You know it, but not everyone does, so yeah. Head of Consortium for Adequate School Funding says 65% "solution" won't lead to that. (Sidebar: Did they tack on "solution" because of the movie The Seven-Percent Solution? Which is about the correct percentage of cocaine to take? Did anyone think about how that might sound?) Last paragraph sums it all up nicely:

"No one would ever say money's the whole story," Martin said. "But if you don't have enough to get to the minimal level that's required, that's a problem."

And while we're in that department of bills that sound awesome but do squat, there's also this one that purports to address predatory lending in the form of title pawns. Only it doesn't.

And the energy industry wined and dined Georgia lawmakers to get that new pipeline. Please note: Georgia lawmakers are a fucking bargain.

Today's op-ed in eight words: Don't throw your damn milkshake out the window.

Here's a forum on Kemp's biodiesel proposal, but it focuses completely on ethanol. There are other kinds of biodiesel, right? I mean, when he says, "the main motive for ignoring facts in pursuing the program, other than a lack of an understanding of the details, is to generate more profit for big agricultural companies, as well as 'little agriculture,' regardless of the effect on Georgia's farmland for food production," it does kind of sound like where a hopeful Ag Commish would be coming from, but we'll see.

How long before Chasteen's attacked by a swarm of angry librarians?

Oy. This freshman needed to win that million bucks. Really. He did.

Today's third letter in the R&B goes after Safe Campuses Now hard.

Some bike cops feel the need to compensate for small amounts of horsepower.

And, uh, do they give doctoral degrees in beerology?

Oh staff listserv...

Retail and fashion tips?

Date: March 20, 2006 1:17:44 PM EST
To: UGA-FORSALE@LISTSERV.UGA.EDU
Subject: FS:men's timberland boots

i've got 3 pairs of men's timberland size 7 boots for sale. almost new, used each pair maybe 3-5 times since i got them back in august. these are the 6" premium boots that are great for heavy duty work or can be pretty stylish worn around town. 1 rust colored, 1 blue, and 1 oxblood (football type of material). laces, insoles, etc are all in pristine condition. again these are size 7, probably rate them 9.5 out of 10. paid $110 for each, asking $65 per pair. contact me off list for more details

thanks and God Bless

We get letters

Except we usually don't, but today we did, via Mr. Hassiotis, who forwarded this really really late one on, in response to a review that was published a year ago:

To Hillary tweet is a multi-talented artist who can hold her own with any artist. It was said in your article that you might perfer fun and happy over mature. Than you will be missing out on a super album. Tweet is fun and also happy. She and those other artist you tried to compare her with are on a whole different level. Tweet can be hip hop,but she has way to much soul in her blood. The music indusrty has not yet except soul music back in to the game .There is still a big void in the business. Only the light skin booty shaking,and the half dressed ones are being excepted and exposed. They don't even have to have talent; because sex is whats selling now days. My self and many other fans here down south are hoping the also beautiful dark skin mature tweet will fill the void an bring back soul music in the industry, with her up front in your face honest type of music

Here's the review in question, which certainly isn't bad. It's just more like: I'm not crazy about the album, but it's not you, it's me. Also, I think it could use some booty-shaking...

Movie Diary

In Good Company: Man, those Weitzes can make some movies. Not that I mean American Pie so much (although it does have unexpected sweetness), but more Down to Earth (health insurance for all! triumph of comedy!) and About a Boy (Go, weird kids!). And now this. Which milks the same vein of emotion without taking it too far at any point. And yes, damn it, the Dennis Quaid character reminds me of my dad. He's supposed to remind us all of our dads and the good things about them, like their aging aggressive tendencies and the way they don't ever want anyone to bother their daughters. And how they care about doing things correctly. Really, it's a strong statement against the current business model--i.e., globalization as a force for good--because it first portrays it as slightly seductive through Topher Grace's character and then reveals how it's just a balloon of buzzwords. And it manages to do this pretty well, without entirely being crochety. Good stuff.

Hobbyhorse

Statham police have been paying close attention to all them Homeland Securrrty arguments. Because why would anyone care about being filmed if all he's doing is weeding with his ass in the air or making out with his girlfriend or any other totally legal but potentially embarrassing activity?

See. We knew it. Bob Smith only wants you to be able to take your bottle of wine home so you don't notice what else he's up to. Like poking the Regents with a stick. Watch it, Bob-o. It's not a good idea with a hive of hornets, and it's not a good idea here. Or talking trash about the Department of Labor.

ABH won't get Tara Baker papers.

Energy costs continue to provide fucked-up-edness for all of us. First, the Repubs in the state assembly pull some nasty tricks to get Atlanta Gas Light the ability to bill its customers for a new pipeline (Note: ABH don't like it). Now, Georgia Power would like to raise your electric bill because of its natural gas costs.

Eminent domain restrictions also step on the positive side of the issue, force people to wait through one of those 7.5-hour meetings?

A synonym for influence is "good ol' boy."

Stupid good quality of life in Athens grumble grumble.

Hot damn. ABH likes the commuter choo-choo. Jim thinks karma is working in the state assembly. Are the Republicans in any danger of losing their majority? Of being stopped from adding to it? Of really hearing it from anyone? Meh... not unless anyone cares that much about this Jane Fonda thing. If that's karma, karma needs to get its ass in gear and start working a little harder.

McCarter has his own op-ed on his opposition to Neighborhood Notification Initiative, which mostly boils down to expense, and he has some valid objections, but I think the thing that he's missing here is that it does feel like it would equalize input from people in the neighborhood a little more. Clearly, only those who have email, but I'm not sure I trust Mr. McCarter to give me an accurate picture of issues affecting my neighborhood (especially issues I wouldn't currently receive notification of via mail, like the LPDS development). Is it worth it to pay for a full-time government position just to send out more unbiased info? Don't we need job creation in this town anyway? And is it really going to create more friction than we already have?

Mmmm... churchotainment.

Letters: I am old. And I hate all you young people and your trendy dancing. I hate fraternities (but I also have some insight into the university's moves). I am a librarian, and if you piss me off, I'll smack you with a volume of the OED.

Never leaving house again

In general, yes. If going to comic book store? No. That's what the webbernets is for. i.e., Avoiding the humanity one wishes to avoid. I've grappled with the amazing nerdiness of being into comics on here and continually in my brain, and I'm totally cool with reading 'em and even writing about 'em. But that environment is far too painful. There are ten different conversations going on here and there, each of which makes me feel a) like I don't know what's going on, but also b) like I have a life. But also, there is frequently nothing on the shelves (the volume one wants is always, always gone), and I don't know how things are organized (why must Marvel and DC not be allowed to touch? why is there no index by writer or artist?), and it's all more expensive. Sort of like the way a real bookstore relates to Amazon, only with dudes engaging in role-playing games in the back room and trying to come up and talk to you (or, really, to your husband). Look. We are not here to make buddies. We are here on a shopping mission. If socializing is required, there should be a sign on the door indicating such. At least it is possible for me to ask the counter guy questions, being possessed of two X chromosomes and, therefore, ignorant of all things involving capes and secret identities. Does this make me a comics snob? A bad person? Can I deal with that for the trade-off in lack of empathetic embarrassment?

Movie Diary

Small Soldiers: Oh, Joe Dante. I do have such a weakness for your films. Even when, like this one, they are largely crap and have truck-sized plot holes. What I like about Dante is he knows his roots (they're Corman-colored), and he shows 'em. Lots of references to previous work and required appearance of Dick Miller (who's so his John Ratzenberger). Refreshingly cynical in its conclusion that money smooths over all obstacles at the end. And, though it could have been more violent, it's much more so than most movies supposedly aimed at kids.

Weekend

Documented here.

No preview for you, as Blogger's picture upload is malfunctioning.

There is cake and Chuck Norris. Also, Fallout Boy and Daredevil were involved.

Not obvious or anything...

Pure Nerd
95 % Nerd, 43% Geek, 43% Dork
For The Record:

A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia.
A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or
subject, often an obscure or difficult one.
A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social
expectations/interactions.

You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd.

The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally
smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking
up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork."
No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and
even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will
likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful.

Congratulations!

My test tracked 3 variables
How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 99% on nerdiness
You scored higher than 60% on geekosity
You scored higher than 77% on dork points

The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test

But also not nerd enough to make the table look pretty. Just nerd enough to strip out most of the code.

Sam must have amazing mental powers

These are part of the instructions for a survey I was taking. The middle row is what concerns you. This little guy's name is Sam, and he sure is stimulated for having no hands.

Hobbyhorse

You know what Athens needs more of? Condos. Good for the Boys' & Girls' Club for making what is most likely a sackful o' cash, maybe not so good in other ways, including the Greenway, which the unnamed developer has pledged to respect. We'll see.

Lookie. Georgia's catching up to the rest of the country in something!

This story about two stolen bassoons both provides an excellent jam band name in its headline and makes me think they oughta get a search warrant for the Orange Twin compound.

And Kia locating in south Georgia apparently means everything's economically hunky-dunky down there, even though it takes an outside company to rescue our fine more heavily accented brothers and sisters. I bet they're thrilled to hear it'll be all unicorns and rainbows from now on.

Linky

A couple of new ones.

Manoguerra. He's not just a pretty face. Please disregard obsessive Notre Dame fandom if you can.

Adorable cousin. Hooray for facebook and the learning of things about one's relatives whom one doesn't see very often.

Daily Douchebag. Hatred nicely spread around. Like butta.

Why Salon has slipped

There are a lot of reasons, really: preoccupation with chick issues of the upper middle class, hyperactive and badly written articles. But their archaic views on pop music are part of it and an area where Slate tends to have an edge. Here's an example from the film reviews at SXSW:

"Before the Music Dies," which premiered Sunday afternoon for a nearly full house at the Paramount Theatre (including Badu and ?uestlove), is also a work of inspiration, engagingly mounted and certain to thrill like-minded audiences. Its premise is pretty much old news: The mainstream American music industry no longer nurtures talent with any degree of patience or farsightedness; it's basically become a factory for inoffensive pop product, most of it in young and pretty packages. Well, shiver my timbers!

Despite the obviousness of this proposition, Andrew Shapter's directing debut is lively, passionate and well-informed. It gathers musicians from Badu and ?uestlove to Bonnie Raitt and Elvis Costello, as well as industry insiders from the radio and record industries, to explore how and why this happened. As jazzman Branford Marsalis puts it, Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder probably wouldn't get a shot at stardom today: They were black, they were blind, they looked kind of weird.

In one hilarious riff, Badu explains that "back in the day you could be ugly as a motherfucker" and still have a professional career in music. Today, she says, "If you really want to rock somebody's world in the music business, you need to get those implants in your ass ... In 2006, it's about being butt-naked, covered with glitter and wearing a beeper."

a) Are you telling me all current pop stars are good looking, in an era when Xtina has done her damndest to uglify herself, Fred Durst was actually a big deal for a while, and Matisyahu is climbing the charts?

b) 2006 is not about having to be "butt-naked, covered with glitter and wearing a beeper." It's about being able to be so and still be taken a little bit seriously as an artist.

c) Fabien.

Sure, O'Hehir is mostly describing the film's take on these things, but he could go farther in pointing out how antiquated this view is. In 2006, the kids really want authenticity, or at least the appearance of such.

He's an ideas man

So here's Mr. Brown's idea to make Black.White. into a better, or at least potentially less irritating show: they need an interpreter in the house--someone at least slightly skilled in reading other people, since no one who currently lives there is. Last night's episode was exceptionally painful, with conflicts over the word bitch, the possibility of white family's wearing dashikis to a black church (they were thankfully talked out of it), and, worst of all, white mom delivering a heartfelt ode to her daugher's all-black poetry class, which combined the worst of racial obliviousness (with all the best intentions) with the worst of your parents embarrassing you in front of other people. Oy. The theory is that the interpreter could step in a la Ashley Parker Angel and freeze the scene and explain what the hell is really going on, e.g., "black mom. Please. Chill out. White mom is kind of a hippie, and she thinks she's celebrating your culture. She doesn't know, when she calls someone a 'beautiful black creature' how offensive that might possibly be because she's coming from a place of 'nature is beautiful,' not a place of 'all black people are animals.'" And scene.

Police Blotter (in various court records edition)

Damn marijuana-fueled crime:

Theft: On March 7, deputies were called to the parking lot of Bell's Shopping Center, where two Frito Lay trucks had been forcibly entered. A case of Oberto beef jerky, valued at $105, was missing from one truck.

Rock beats scissors. Taser beats hatchet.

Arrest: On March 12, Sgt. James Hale was dispatched to a home on Mallard Circle, where he encountered a young man at the house with a hatchet. Hale was told the man had threatened another person with the hatchet. Hale pulled out his taser and order him to put the hatchet away. Seth Andrew Greenwall, 17, of Mallard Circle was arrested for making a terroristic threat and disorderly conduct.

John Nash correct. It is all connected:

Arrest: On March 12, deputy Scott Underwood was dispatched to a complaint about someone driving a four-wheeler on some property along Old Madison Highway. When he arrived, he encountered two men, who flagged him down about a pickup that was stuck on an embankment and on fire. They said the driver had left to get something to put the fire out. Underwood called the fire department and soon a man came up on a four-wheeler. Underwood asked Randy Everett Mallory, 40, of Old Madison Highway, why he had been four-wheeling on property without the owner's permission and he couldn't supply an answer. Underwood noticed the smell of alcohol about Mallory, who had bloodshot eyes. The man denied driving the truck, saying his wife had been driving. However, Underwood arrested him on charges of DUI based on comment from the other two men.

And finally, from the regular police section, this:

JEFFERSON - The wife of a Jefferson police officer charged in a domestic dispute with her husband will stand trial next month in Jackson County State Court.

The officer, 36-year-old Tracy Gooch, however, won't stand trial, as the Jackson County State Court solicitor dropped a simple assault charge against him.

At about 6 p.m. Jan. 11, neighbors of Gooch called Jackson County authorities, complaining that Gooch and his wife were in the front yard of their Jimmy Reynolds Drive house, "attempting to burn each others' clothes," according to a Jefferson police report.

Jinnie Carloss Gooch, 27, whose first name also is spelled Jenny and Jinni in various court records, is slated for trial April 10, according to State Court records. Arrested Jan. 11 along with her husband, she was charged with simple battery.

In dismissing the charge against Tracy Gooch, State Court Solicitor Donald Moore said there was "no evidence from any witness, including (the) victim, that (the) victim was in apprehension of receiving any injury."

According to witness statements filed in State Court, the couple often argued.

Rest of the Oconee stuff here.

Hobbyhorse

McGinty talks a bit today about the commission possibly considering switching Hawthorne back to a four-lane road. The comment to his entry presents another take on things: i.e., Hawthorne's going to suck no matter what. The problem here is that, after bowing to businesses on the Baxter medians, I'm sure the commission doesn't want to roll over again so soon, and the fact that the Chamber is involved fucks things up further.

The Rutland Psychoeducational Center is stuck in its hellhole for another year. Maybe they can train their rats to take over the school board, or maybe they'll end up turning into superhuman mutants because of the mold problems.

Jim suggests that perhaps using HOPE funds on K-12 schools isn't such a bad idea, especially considering the current lawsuit regarding the funding of public education. Hmm. Take the money from the poor, and give it back to the poor. Now that's some kind of idea I could get closer to being behind than the current system of redistribution from poor to Marietta.

What we really need, though, is more demagoguery. More! How Bill Shipp can switch back and forth from sage contemplator of Georgia politics to crazy old crankypants from column to column is occasionally beyond me.

So you, uh, were just hanging out. And then you fell asleep and your magic, hyperintelligent dogs freed themselves, then picked up some meth on the way home? In other news, debate this: Is Christy Champagne a better name for an officer of the law than Laura Teet?

If you build a strong university system in Georgia, you are totally allowed to beat the everloving fuck out of a poor guy a foot shorter than you are and have it not be in the paper. Hmm. Perks of the job. You think they'll add that to the description when they're looking for new regents?

Okay, yes. Lee Shearer totally rocks, and I told him what a big fan I was (while not being able to shake his hand, having creampuff filling all over it) when I met him, but, being generally immature, I'm a little distracted by this "miracle sucker" reference.

Flagpole explains, in its third piece in this week's City Pages, an aspect of the objection to KA's relocation that's been overlooked so far: mainly that the house with the biggest damn Confederate flag on campus might not be so welcome in a historically African American neighborhood. Now, none of this means they're not allowed to locate there, imho, and the way the commission went about it still isn't cool, but the initial complaints on the part of the neighborhood are considerably more understandable.

Oh staff listserv...

You will give me nightmares tonight.

Frog Hollow Frog - $4.00

Jukebox

Number nine is up.

People do not love Bonka the way I do. Or Juvenile (except Jonathan Bradley, who is right). The thing about Juvenile is that, yes, there is something fundamentally stupid about a lot of his songs, but you have to give up and go with it because they're so hooky. Dude. Just wait until "Who's Your Daddy" gets released as a single.

Here's what I had to say about B.G.: Bounce music with verses that are totally irrelevant to the rating of the song. Fuzzed up march cadence and plucky plucky strings in the background mix well with lazy vocals, but in this case, there is just such a hook in the chorus and a snort of amusement that it’s hard to look past the “bread and baloney” to concentrate on anything else. [6]

And Mark Ronson: Um. How much will it kill my credibility to admit I’m not particularly familiar with the original? Nonetheless, I suspect this is a bit more fun than Thom’s moaning, while not really being as fun as it would like to be. Horns like this are pretty half-a-decade out of date. [5]

Pulling ratings from three writers actually seems to lead to a less accurate picture of the song, which is not what was intended.

Email me if you want any of it.

Movie Diary

Code 46: Future stuff with Tim Robbins and Samantha Morton. More interesting in atmosphere and surrounding stuff than in plot. Michael Winterbottom is an intriguing director, but I'm not sure he's made any kind of commitment to story. It's very intentionally dreamy and dreamlike, but I'm not into that, as a rule. I like sharpness: in my friends, my art, my TV, my image resolution, and my movies. I like to feel that there's a non-pot-smoking mind behind most things I appreciate, and I don't really think that's the case here. The vision of the future seems pretty accurate (English has incorporated much from other languages; some people live in cities, while others are exiled outside them, in a thoroughly polluted, slummy world; people take viruses to make them good at things, like empathy or Mandarin Chinese), but, again, I just wasn't sucked into what was happening. It's not really the fault of the actors; it's more that there's just not a whole lot there.

Comics update

This can be brief. I've made it through X-Men Masterworks vols. 1-3 (through issue 31 of the original run, that is), and enjoyed it much, perhaps most especially the fantasticness that is El Tigre (great original outfit and great villain outfit, seemingly unstoppable more than most, alligators/crocodiles, cringing henchmen, and a lot of bitching on the part of our fearless heroes about having to go all the way to South America as opposed to hanging in their normal environs). That seems to be all that's out of the Stan Lee stuff, but I'd really like to read more (without having to go track down every issue individually). I felt like things were definitely continuing to get better. Even Ted whats-his-face was slightly less irritating after I found out he was an English major. Anyway, have moved on to vol. 1 of Spidey, which I like, but maybe not as much. I think it's that the art is still pretty terrible, and the stories only run about 10 pages early on, giving no time for the verbal expansiveness that is Marvel's (or Lee's?) forte. And I'll get to Watchmen once Mr. Brown's done with that (hopefully it will live up to the daily hype I'm hearing).

Why are they watching it?

So, unless you Tivoed it for later, you know another character on 24 (really a couple more) has died, and in particularly dramatic, twitchy fashion. But this is the question that Mr. Brown raised: The rest of CTU can see this death via the security feed. We obviously need to see it as an audience to be informed/titillated, but that's a whole separate matter. Why are they watching it? Why doesn't a single person look away in disgust? Isn't that supposed to happen? Is it a testament to this person's sacrifice that they feel they must watch every minute of his/her demise? Or is it to make the audience (us) feel okay about watching it?

And will anyone be left alive by the end of the season?

For your consideration

LD has an idea that may surpass cold fusion in brilliance. Seriously. T-shirts, petition, perhaps a section of the stadium devoted to the idea (Chip's upper lip?). I think this could work.

Hobbyhorse

The best and most important thing you should read, is JMac's chat with Alice Kinman on her ideas for modifying (or, really, reverting to their original purpose) community development block grants. It's a big idea, and it's really nice to hear any commissioner speak at length on issues like this (without coming off slick or clueless). Unfortunately, the first letter of what are sure to be many hit the ABH today lobbying for a particular organization to continue to get its block grants. And I can't say that I blame the Athens Area Child Abuse Prevention Council for instantly jumping to the conclusion that its funding will be cut. As stated previously, shifting groups off block grants isn't the hard part; that's going to be convincing the locals to take on the funding burden. Getting people to fund stuff, whether through taxes or asking for individual contributions, ain't easy, and I really hope Kinman manages to convince enough people of the right thing to do.

Crime-fightin' robot tells kids to stay off drugs. You think it'll be more effective with a metal dude than with a dog in a trenchcoat? Did those soda robots ever convince you to drink more Coca-Cola?

Sometimes, your state senators do give a shit what you think. Just not if you live in the ACC.

A bill that would restructure the Madison County government passed the Senate and went to the House on Feb. 28, but Sens. Brian Kemp, R-Athens, and Ralph Hudgens, R-Comer, since have withdrawn the bill because of constituent opposition, Kemp said.

"A lot of people were upset that it was too hastily done," he said.

Just mull it over. Unless you don't want your head to explode with rage.

One lady has realized Sonny's natural gas tax break is a load. But more because she thinks there's a big difference between a 1.5% tax break and a 2% tax break. Enjoy your two items from the Wendy's super-value menu, Georgia.

Today's editorial focuses on how Madison County might, in fact, be well served by a committee to determine whether it wants a shift in governmental form, but it kicks off with a metaphor I kinda got issues with:

There's an old saying that a camel is a horse designed by a committee. The saying is meant to convey the thought that a committee, comprised of individuals with varying viewpoints, can have trouble arriving at a practical solution to a problem.

Sure, camels spit and they're not attractive, but they run fast, provide reliable transportation, and can survive in a hostile environment far better than a horse. So committees come up with solutions that aren't always the prettiest but might actually be better than those arrived at by a single individual?

Oh, and Loran curses lousy Smarch weather.

Movie Diary

The Little Girl Who Lives Down the Lane: Hadn't heard anything about it before renting it--the box just kind of caught the eye--but it's a really good, odd little movie. It feels a lot like a play in many ways: stagy dialogue, few characters, limited settings. Foster did this right around the same time as or perhaps a little before she did Taxi Driver, so it's not like she's really playing younger than she is, but she looks very different from the way she usually does, with a chipped front tooth and a witchy wig. Sheen is terrifying as a child molester. But mostly, there's just this feeling to the entire thing (amplified by Foster's nude scene, in which her older sister apparently doubled for her) that anything could happen at any time. Most movies, you know that, even if something truly horrible is implied, you're not going to see much, but from the moment Sheen kills Foster's hamster by burning it with a cigarette, then chucks the tiny carcass into the fire, you don't have that comfort zone with this movie. Impressive and weird and very scary at times.

Oh staff listserv...

Sometimes, it's not exactly the contents that are funny. It's more the tragedy and the bluntness...

Date: March 13, 2006 1:16:50 PM EST
To: UGASTAFF@LISTSERV.UGA.EDU
Subject: Alterations

I would like to know of someone that can alter blue jeans for a short son. Thanks-

Hobbyhorse

The fella below also informed me that apparently real-life commissioners, maybe even a mayor (hiya, mayor!) read this thing sometimes. I am frankly staggered. The Athens Politics dudes at least have "politics" in their name and on their resumes. McGinty seems like the sort of guy who could well get into the field someday (an Obama type, all zeal and good handshakes). But me? I'm just entertained by local politics. Next thing you know, I'll be hearing Mikey Adams knows what I say behind his back.

Anyway... along those lines, the library wants to be able to pay its librarians a living wage, and god knows they could use it...

But the Athens-Clarke Commission has been denying similar requests from the library for years, and probably will do so again this year, Commissioner Tom Chasteen said.

Paying cashiers and clerks at the library the same wages as physical laborers like ditch-diggers doesn't make sense, Chasteen said.

"It's totally unrealistic," he said.

So ditch-diggers make more than librarians? I am conflicted. On the one hand, library jobs require some education, but on the other, physical labor should be respected. Perhaps we can agree that if the library jobs paid more, Athens's local musicians might end up concentrating on their day jobs to the detriment of the tunes.

Ed Vaughn thinks the university represses (depresses?) wages in the ACC.

This whole Gucci Mane thing might not go away quite so quickly. Look, I do see why Mr. I Beat Someone with a Pool Cue is treated a little differently than Mr. I Heart Peyton, but appearances are something in areas of local enforcement too.

Jim is totally reasonable on Leebern, having had a week to chew over what he was going to say. But maybe less so on the thoroughly cremated and scattered horse that is letting kids walk at high school graduation if they didn't pass one test.

Shipp is confusing the hell out of me by one week decrying the tendency of the state to throw money at industries that want to locate here and the next week asking it to do so. He does include this fact:

According to government figures, Georgia is experiencing the nation's biggest increase in unemployment, tied with hurricane-ruined Louisiana for having the most folks out of work.

Since when? And ain't it all them immigrants who's responsible?

Morris article talks about Chip Rogers and his rally people holding signs, but kinda fails to mention that they were homeless paid to do so.

Small delights

One of the best and yet least heralded things about my new job is the opportunity to hear ol' Iron Balls McGinty let fly with a "bitches!" once a day on average. It's so mild-mannered and a little unexpected and yet fits so neatly with his love of the rap music. And it's not directed at anyone in particular, let alone anyone specifically female. It's kind of like the way a lot of people in this area of the country would say "dang it!" only much punchier, less drawn out, and with a real pleasing sprinkle of vulgarity to it. I'm glad he's back from vacation. I love my "bitches!"

Read

I was really happy to locate Elizabeth Kolbert's piece on how Louisiana is being reclaimed by the ocean, since it took me a while to find it. Much like her climate change articles, it's suffused with a cheery kind of doom, a sort of "well, we're sure fucked now, so let's go ahead and drink up" tone. She also, as usual, throws in fascinating details among the science, e.g., these two in two successive paragraphs:

The rest of the morning was devoted to visiting more stations. At the second, nothing was growing in what was supposed to be an “emergent vegetation plot.” There were, however, several nutria. These large, ratlike creatures, native to South America, were imported to Louisiana in the nineteen-thirties for the purposes of fur farming, then accidentally released into the wetlands. Nutria routinely indulge in “eat outs,” during which they destroy virtually all the plant life for hundreds of square feet, and so represent yet another cause of land loss. Their droppings look like peanuts.

The day grew hotter, the air stickier. Around noon, we had lunch in the shade of a few scraggly bushes. One of the biologists had brought along an M.R.E., which the others, who were unwrapping half-steamed sandwiches, eyed enviously. As he pulled out the little heating packet, someone mentioned having heard that the exothermic reaction could be initiated with urine.

Mostly, she talks about how the Katrina kind of thing is almost guaranteed to happen again, according to climatologists, and then she focuses on the attempts to help people move back to New Orleans and rebuild. And basically, you come away with this feeling of being so extremely small in the grand scheme of things. Small and stupid, like animals returning to their traditional mating ground because of chemicals in their brains, even though it's sure to result in death. Only perhaps more tragic because, obviously, we do have some sort of intelligence and ability to manipulate technology; we don't have to be subject to these desires. So. Yes. We are stupid, stupid monkeys, and we're probably screwed because of it.

Also along these lines, John Lanchester talks about why we're always unhappy as a species, and how new theories think it's because evolutionarily, it's smarter to be paranoid than to be happy and unconcerned and get eaten by a bear. So this is what results in Intervention and Infinite Jest? Being scared to eat the berries a million years ago? See? Stupid monkeys.