Antidisingenuousmentarianism

Accent: Yes. More with beer. Origin not really comprehensible, since my mom is a Frenchy and my dad a Pennsylvanian. Call it the Athens influence.

Booze: It's generally good. I'd say you can't go wrong with Laphroiag (sp?) or Newcastle.

Chore I Hate: Changing the filter in the HVAC unit in the crawlspace. I have a partner in the task (I mostly hold the flashlight), but it's dark and creepy and full of crickets, we can never remember which way is correct, and your legs hurt like a bitch once you duck-walk out.

Dog or Cat: Cat, but have neither.

Essential Electronics: Webbernets something. DVD player.

Favorite Cologne: Ick. None o' that.

Gold or Silver: Plastic, yo.

Hometown: Born in Atlanta, but would consider it thoroughly Athens now.

Insomnia: Nope. Not a whit. I sleep like a log.

Job Title: Technically? Public Relations Specialist II, but my bidness cards say editor.

Kids: No. Read the dog/cat question. Not responsible enough.

Living Arrangements: 1962 ranch house in Green Acres. Brightly painted on the inside. Mortgage coming along nicely.

Most Admirable Traits: You tell me. Discretion?

Number of Sexual Partners: See above. But I am an old married lady.

Overnight Hospital Stays: None, though maybe right after I was born, when I needed a head shave and a blood transfusion. Doubt it, though.

Phobias: Hopping things. Stuff being near my ears.

Quote: "Assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups."

Religion: Not a damn bit of it, apart from faith in other people.

Siblings: One sister two years younger than I am (athlete, current Berkeleyite) and a half-sister who is extremely 13.

Time I Wake Up: 7 a.m., thank the lord.

Unusual Talent or Skill: Drunken spelling? Also, double-jointed thumbs.

Vegetable I Love: Collard greens

Worst Habit: Interrupting people because I think I know what they're going to say.

X-Rays: Panoramic of the teef, about a week ago.

Yummy Foods I Make: I can cook some hoppin' John. Turkey meatloaf, Marcella Hazan's bolognese, brownies from scratch, squash casserole.

Zodiac Sign: Big nerd Virgo.

[Snagged from]

Ferguson was named for Ralph de Bricassart, a character in “The Thorn Birds.” Thank you, Deadspin, for the illumination. Here we were thinking it was just "I'm gonna name my son something Chris Berman will have great difficulty pronouncing."

Crewsin' for a Brewsin' rocks two sad little instruments at once. There is no documentation of Jon trying to remember which end of the flute to blow into.



"Cocaine Bref" makes an appearance. There is some yelling at the audience.



The Lil' Flip Scoldjah performs in highbrow style.



Rob Derrick can rock and spell.



Full-on France cannot be captured in one picture, unless you stand very far back from the stage.



And Masters of the Hemisphere bring uvula to the party.



More photographic evidence here.

It's not advertised as a series, but all this stuff on child care sure is turning into one. Classic City Performance Learning Center has problems with it, too, since a lot of teenagers who got pregnant and dropped out of school go there. It's a pretty good idea to have those learning about early childhood education take care of the rest of their kids, but it'll require more space.

Please note again that Athens does not care dick about modern architecture. Concrete blocks are considerably more attractive than multimedia monstrosities that take up half of downtown, yo.

Qualifying for three senate districts extended as judge reviews Kidd's suit.

Chuck Schied qualifies for labor commissioner, in an election he doesn't even think should be held.

Georgia's receivers can catch better than some people.

Nutjob letters start to pour in about sexual orientation antidiscrimination decision.

Piedmont College swears increasing its enrollment won't lead to parking problems in the area. It's kind of hard to tell how much local enrollment will go up, though, since there's no current figure given.

Hawthorne's staying three lanes, as there's not enough money to convert it back to four.

Terry Holley pulls a Cheney. But uh...

Norwood's spokesman John Stone said Norwood is unconcerned about the opposition, and had little to say about the race or Holley on Friday.

"We've never really heard of him," Stone said.

Ain't nobody running against premature coot Bob Smith?

Well, fuck. This doesn't look so hot for downtown. Neither does this.

So, Explorers Club was very impressive live. Occasionally jammy, but tight jammy. And extremely energetic. And loud.


Look, their guitarist (one of three) kind of has a Galifianakis thing going on.


Nonetheless, it has been learned that Modern Skirts are popular with a certain crowd I might not always love to be around. A crowd who, Mr. Brown pointed out, showed up in large groups clutching their pink tickets purchased ahead of time. A crowd dressed in uniform. A crowd featuring guys with un-ironically popped collars. I've never heard anyone, ever, at the 40 Watt, order like this: "Uhhh... a shot of Jaeger. And then... two more shots of Jaeger" (with implied "dude"). Hmm. I'm all for people broadening their minds. I'd just prefer they tend to stay out of my space when doing it. Or at least not be so aggressively young and tan.

This fella, who chances are had purchased this trumpet within the past five minutes, was quite a highlight though. He could play the first three notes of "Also Sprach Zarathustra," but only painfully. And then he'd sing the rest very slowly and quite loud. You can't see his pants very well, but they're printed with the Twister pattern and one leg has a lot of duct tape on it.

So there's this petition on the webbernets that the ACLU is getting people to sign: Torture is Un-American. Far be it from me to disagree with my favorite of favorites of "pinko" organizations, but isn't that a little America-centric? I'd venture to say it's pretty Un-Canadian too. Un-Australian. Un-European. Un-human. I realize the point is for Americans to speak up as such and say they don't like it, but you can stick that stuff in the paragraphs you have to read first that give the whole statement. I'm thinking "Wrong" would've been pithier and more correct.

It's almost the end of National Poetry Month. And to take a knee for both the rhyming stuff in general and The Office, which I didn't realize was set in Lackawanna County, here's this piece of genius from Ring Lardner's "The Minstrel of Maysville":

1. The Lackawanna Railroad

The Lackawanna Railroad where does it go?
It goes from Jersey City to Buffalo.
Some of the trains stop at Maysville but they are few
Most of them go right through
Except the 8:22
Going west but the 10:12 bound for Jersey City
That is the train we like the best
As it takes you to Jersey City
Where you can take a ferry or tube for New York City.
The Lackawanna runs many freights
Sometimes they run late
But that does not make so much difference with a freight
Except the people who have to wait for their freight.
Maysville people patronize the Interurban a specially the farmers
So the Interurban cuts into the business of the Lackawanna,
But if you are going to New York City or Buffalo
The Lackawanna is the way to go.
Will say in conclusion that we consider it an honor
That the city of Maysville is on the Lackawanna.

I may have said a while ago that I could see how people could wear a T-shirt expressing their love for Firefox, but I was wrong. I'm not feeling it since it lost half my hobbyhorse post just now. Anyway...

Downtown business owners (Read: Rusty Heery) have managed to push the start time of the Criterium back again, under the aegis of street closings supposedly decreasing their business, as opposed to bringing in thousands of folks who don't normally go downtown. And they're working Gene Dixon's last nerve.

Cathy Cox shoves her campaign manager out the door (must not've been doing so hot in general, eh?) and we get some real policy talk (though wasn't Taylor saying the same thing about letting small businesses pool their resources to buy health insurance? Not that that's a real solution).

We're thinking illegal immigrants and sex offenders should do sort of the same thing to keep states from making it hard as fuck on them in order to push them into neighboring areas. Slight modification makes this law a little less sucky:

Sponsors of the measure responded to other criticisms that the bill's original wording would snare teens engaging in consensual sex acts alongside child molesters. As a result, the final law allows some teens - starting at 13 - to be charged with misdemeanors and not have to register as sex offenders as long as the two participants are not more than four years apart in age.

So this modification of the UGA drug and alcohol policy passed, meaning 1) they now call your parents on the first offense instead of the second one (something the R&B notes), 2) you're on probation for a year after the fact (or "two semesters," but summer doesn't count), and 3) if you violate it again while on probation, your ass is suspended. ABH op-ed loves it and wants downtown to crack down. While the R&B thinks it's a little harsh and everyone deserves a chance to fuck up. Please. Dear Lord. Just for one day, could we have a Freaky Friday situation between the R&B and the ABH op-ed pages?

Wayne Ford somehow writes a profile of Bubba Sparxxx for people who have never heard of the rap music.

The ninja would like an official apology. R&B uses quotes. I will not.

University Council agrees merely to appoint a committee to take a look at Fall Break instead of canceling it. This might mean nothing will ever get done about the issue, and that's good. This cartoon actually takes a fine look at at it.

And the university moves closer to doing something about those hourly workers who keep getting left out of the loop with raises.

Dude. If there's one thing fraternities are about, it's academics, brah.

And the R&B acts like Criterium didn't totally steal the "Delirium" name. Still. Franceness prevails.

Sign me the fuck up. Or Melissa, really.

Date: April 27, 2006 2:15:39 PM EDT
To: UGA-FORSALE@LISTSERV.UGA.EDU
Subject: drag race grand nationals

looking for volenteers to work a few hours in the hot rod
grill in commerce.freee tickets fri sat sun free
food .call doug hill 706 795 3421

So I'm thinking that when AOL put this poll up, they really didn't mean to tack on the "ly." But maybe they did. Awesome in their degree of deadness? Awesome in that it's good they're not alive? Awesome in the particular way in which they died?

Yeah. Some like totally normal kind of band (but very Englishy). Don't care. Like 'em anyway. I'd recommend that second song, and it makes me happy that the spelling of it has been corrected on their MySpace page because it sure as hell hurt my eyes on the review copy.

Apparently, you can get a merit badge in Girl Scouts for hanging out with old people.

Ah. "Soft" benefits. That's what domestic partners are getting from the university--i.e., library cards and use of the elliptical trainers at the Ramsey Center. Not actual benefits.

"Soft" benefits include use of the libraries, recreational facilities such as the Ramsey Center and many other UGA ID-holder benefits that don't cost the university extra money. Full benefits for domestic partners, such as health insurance, would require approval from the University System Board of Regents.

Good on yer, Jane. She's opted for senate.

Gas ain't getting no cheaper.

ACC implements some specifics about what's required to pass from one grade to another (which is both good for teachers and reflects NCLB) and bloviates a little:

"This is Clarke County saying, 'We need to move beyond a culture of mediocrity and a culture of failure,' " Clarke Middle School Principal Ken Sherman said Tuesday.

Oh, lord. One of the Ten Commandments Georgia assholes is running for state house.

Mike Griffin, executive director of Hartwell-based Ten Commandments-Georgia and senior pastor of Liberty Baptist Church in Hartwell, said values and fiscal responsibility will be the cornerstone of his campaign.

Fiscal responsibility like skipping out on the motherfuckin' bill after you drag Barrow County into a world of hell?

If Cathy Cox's people did mess with Mark Taylor's wikipedia page to add his son's drunk driving incident, isn't the fact that Mark Taylor's making a stink about it going to call more attention to the issue than the page itself?

Hey, UGA employees who make dick, you're getting your salary raised again. Unless you're an hourly worker. Or a part-timer. Or "temporary." Seems like this mostly helps out a lot of people in bands who work in the library. Not that they don't need to eat, but can we ever implement something that helps more people who do? It is, as usual, all about money:

The university will spend $525,515 to bring salaried employees up to the $19,000 level and an additional $210,206 in benefits, according to a UGA news release.

Hourly employees, part-time and temporary employees will not be included in the increase, but a committee of faculty administrators and staff will study their pay and report to the council in the fall, UGA spokesman Tom Jackson said after the meeting.

More than 1,300 temporary and part-time employees, paid from either state or non-state funds, make less than $9.58 per hour and don't receive benefits, according to university records. The university would have to find $3.6 million to bring those wages up to $9.58, or $20,000 per year, and provide full benefits.

ABH still smashing windows a la Carrie Nation on the UGA-alcohol issue. Maybe they should go out and feed the gators with the folks who follow the advice of this article. Is it not possible both to have a little drinkie every now and then and to do other, cultural things while you're in college? This is Reefer Madness-style logic.

Considering what the community tends to get out of issuing bonds to big companies to locate here (a few low-paying entry-level jobs and a fiscal hangover), maybe this letter writer's right in a good way.

University Council is monkeying around with fall break again. Dudes, that is some seriously hot water you're playing around the edge of. You thought messing with the Key provoked an uproar. This would be much bigger. Op ed from the R&B gives a taste.

UGA kids prove how very white they are with their letters responding to the piece on dress codes.

Flagpole covers biodiesel for campus buses, the TCEs near Nakanishi (people get scared for bad reasons), and the fact that the KAs are canceling their parade this year (smart idea, boys).

And people are fucking pissed about how fast Beck tickets sold out.

Tiny. Blurb thing about The Explorers Club in this week's Flagpole. I'm quite a fan though. Here's their MySpace for some songs.

Because the youth of today are unedumacated about things like what makes meat tender or tough. Governator more the equivalent of exceptionally tough jerky, I would imagine, though perhaps that spare tire would be good eatin'. I'd post an excerpt from the Donner Party story in the New Yorker here if I were finished reading it.

His superhero identity is Rollercoaster Man:

Arrest: On April 18, deputy M.E. Taylor was dispatched about 6:55 a.m. to a home on Rays Church Road, where a resident said a homeless man had punched him in the face. Deputy Bill Garner arrived and they began looking for the suspect. Garner and the resident drove out Ray Church Road and in about five minutes he radioed Taylor that he had found the suspect coming out of the woods. The victim explained that the man, Mitchell Harris Feinberg, 29, of Lawrenceville, had no place to live, so Feinberg had lived with him for the past three weeks. On this date, they argued about money and Feinberg began screaming. When the victim tried to calm, him he was hit in the face and Feinberg also threw sticks at him, before leaving with $50 of the victim's money. Taylor took the suspect to jail, but on the way, he started kicking the car interior and told the deputy he'd kill her, everyone she knew, and then burn them all in hell. When they arrived at the jail, he exited and went inside without incident.

Definite adjective makes it funnier:

Damage: On April 18, deputy Bryan Yoder was dispatched to the entrance to a new subdivision near Lane Creek Golf Club. A man there explained that when he arrived that morning, he saw a pile of something smoking. When he looked closer, he realized it was the remains of the portable toilet.

Just in general? Or specifically there?

Damage: On April 22, someone spray painted a swastika and "no fags" on the signs leading into Coldwater Creek subdivision.

The rest.

Best spam subject-line ever.

From: "Gene Hollis"
Date: April 26, 2006 1:58:45 PM EDT
To: gdurham@uga.edu
Cc: bandalos@uga.edu, edmonds@uga.edu, dmorris@uga.edu, dtippins@uga.edu, wmiller@uga.edu, jkissing@uga.edu, khansing@uga.edu, hazbrown@uga.edu, gcelter@uga.edu, varlamof@uga.edu, ania@uga.edu
Subject: you farted?


! added some dramatic , hoydenish may tawdry not cavendish a sierra try leo or impudent or maori some equilibrate some munificent see synaptic

Jerkasses. Neither Michael Specter's piece on Kalmykia's insane president nor Daniel Zalewski's marvelous profile of Werner Herzog is online, and The New Yorker seems to be making it more difficult to read any of their stuff online, letting links expire like mad. You can read the press release that mentions both articles at some length. But this will not satisfy your need. Here's a particularly relevant (to this blog) bit from the latter:

Not surprisingly, Herzog has been accused of being a serial fabulist. He hasn't helped matter by admitting that he "intensifies" his documentaries. "Lessons of Darkness," his spectral 1992 film about the apocalyptic fires that raged after the Gulf War, begins with a bogus epigraph, allegedly by Pascal: "The collapse of the stellar universe will occur--like creation--in grandiose splendor." (The "pseudo-quote," he has said, elevates the film from "mere reportage" to "the realm of poetry.") He frequently supplies his subjects with dialogue. In "The White Diamond," which came out last year, a Guyanese villager, interviewed on the edge of a clamorous waterfall, establishes his mystical temperament when he says to the camera, "I cannot hear what you say for the thunder that you are." Herzog swiped the line from "Cobra Verde."

Herzog says that he "stylizes" his documentaries only when the subject agrees that an invention aptly illuminates his character. "Grizzly Man," which was made after the death of Timothy Treadwell, contains no fictions, he said, for "there was no possibility of collaboration." Yet Herzog's insistence that there is no meaningful difference between his features and his documentaries--"In both cases, I am a storyteller," he likes to say--offends advocates of cinema verite [accents missing due to my inability to reproduce them] and probably explains why "Grizzly Man," despite receiving terrific reviews, was snubbed by the Academy Awards. Herzog, of course, relishes tweaking the traditionalists. "There is just a very shallow truth in facts," he told me. "Otherwise, the phone directory would be the Book of Books."

High five to the local asshole in chief. Of course, it may just be for local brownie points that Adams approved the antidiscrimination policy's inclusion of sexual orientation and agreed to include same-sex domestic partners as eligible for benefits (that second one's the big un), and he may know it's bound to be struck down by the Regents, but still. Nice gesture.

Again, y'all, read your headlines. Make sure they go with the stories. Teen man?

Big bruva has his uses. That is, the fact that ACC has jumped on the bus for letting parents see online if their kids are going to class or not isn't a terrible thing. Yes, not everyone has the webbernets, and probably many of the people who could most benefit from this system don't, but it's still a decent idea to implement.

Burmeister not running?

Torn! Love reference books. Not so much ordinances.

Dude, we feel bad for your loss, but throwing around the word "cowards" as though it's equivalent to "assholes" isn't right. Ditto for overuse of "courageous."

SGA sort of likes this mandatory alcohol-education course, but only if it's more of a pain in the ass than the proposed online version.

Midnight basketball works, bitches.

Bikes. They exist. Lately, with all the going down College Station we've been doing, I've come to think that segregation might work in one area, and that area is traffic. In Amsterdam, I hear the bikes and the cars don't interact at all, and that's a fine idea. Separate but equal. Let's bring it back.

"Sweaty feet don't give off an aroma of azaleas in full bloom." Fine form, fella.

ABH tells us a lot of general assemblymen hate the choo choo.

Clean Air Athens backs up Carl Jordan on commission oversight of bond issuing in no shockah.

Ooh. Sandy Whitney calls out the surrounding white flight counties on their responsibility to help in the fight against poverty.

Chupacabra is a woman?

R&B writes about daycare and how the university only has one small facility with a waiting list of more than 500. Editorial supports it, but talks entirely about faculty, who don't exactly have to be on campus M-F, 8-5.

And they're paying attention to those downtown dress codes again, an issue that seemed to have died. Unfortunately, talking about it right before summer is crap timing.

Two idiots respond to Matt Pulver's column on taxes.

It's true that if you do make a movie, you have a slightly better shot of winning an Oscar than if you don't.

Week 14 is up.

Can I just call this feature "Bitches" every week? I may have to if people don't stop being such.

The average rating is low as hell in general, esp for The Raconteurs, the Flaming Lips, and Ne-Yo, all of which made me quite happy this week.

The last fella mentioned snagged an 8 and a: "Eep. Both 'sexy' and 'sex' as a verb used within chorus. Works Backstreet-esque harmony (only all Ne-Yos) hard. Music throws in a bounce with all the standard strings and keyboard tiny bubbles that suddenly makes it all new. Swoon."

Email me if you want it. Or anything else I can spare. I didn't listen to much this week besides the few I was assigned.

Thinks Pilkington is intentional comic genius. Genius, yes. Comic, yes. Big ol' brains? Not so much. More just incarnation of Leopold Bloom. Just enough brains both to have ideas and to have ideas that are absolute shit.

Gurksy's frigging gorgeous 99 cent is about to be auctioned off. For loads and loads of cash.

1) Mindhunters: How this was not the Snakes on a Plane of 04, I'll never understand. Fuckin' Mindhunters, yo. Perhaps it's because no one as recognizably cool as Sam Jackson was involved, but Val Kilmer is getting there, kids. I swear to you. He doesn't get to be onscreen a lot, but when he is, it's a beautiful thing, hanging out, lecturing, eating cake. More movies should feature thick ol' Val eating some cake with pink icing. So. Yes. I have a Renny Harlin weakness that has probably been established. He's so good at pitching his movies at the precise level of stupidity you want. For my money, Deep Blue Sea is the weak one in the bunch, but even that has its moments. There's also a gorgeously creative death, one that's at least the equivalent of the one in Deep Blue Sea, possibly better, because of its creativity. There's some confusion at the end, but if you like serial killer movies and running around on an island and wild theories that lead nowhere, you may give it thumbs up too.

2) Young Guns: For the first time, BION. So apparently, this is why I never got why Emilio was such a huge deal at the time. Because I hadn't seen this movie. It's not that I haven't liked him in other things, but this is the kind of role that can vault someone into being a massive star (unlike Repo Man). So, it's a bit long and definitely silly (that moment when you realize he is Billy the Kid, but maybe all y'all knew that before seeing it; the extended peyote taking scene with yelling about big chickens), but it's not a total cornfest. It's kind of a decent western, and it doesn't support William Bonney's methods. Oh, and Kiefer is dreamy in it, more like his daddy than in anything else I've ever seen of his.

Question: Who has more power in the state: the liquor distributing would-be Rambo or the coach of the seven-time national champion team?

Breathe. Now read this article about how not only is the state not completely funding class-size cuts, but if you consider the austerity cuts that were put into place, it's not really funding those class-size reductions at all. And...

School districts face another austerity cut in the 2006-07 school year - but state officials will reduce the cut to 40 or 50 percent of the original estimate and say that school districts can use the "extra" money for reduced-class-size expenses.

Any teacher who votes for Perdue should be violently slapped.

Brief moratorium on tearing shit down or building new shit while the historic district guidelines are determined for downtown. ("There are no plans for new construction downtown in the next few months, according to property owners and county officials.")

JD approves our latest incarnation of the voter ID bill (ain't no shockah; they liked the last one, which was considerably worse) and the redistricting. ABH not so sure Sonny's committee on the latter will work.

Fuckin' checks and balances? Georgia don't play that. Also, I don't think you can say that lobbyists spent money on action figures for general assemblymen this past session and leave it at that. We would like details.

Um. Punkin Junction. Chupacabra?

Headline ignores own first paragraph. Unless "property tax reform" counts as "education."

Adams has made a decision on adding sexual orientation to the antidiscrimination policy at UGA. We'll be in suspense until tomorrow.

Don Nelson promotes communism. Oops, make that nationalized health insurance. By showing how much the current system sucks through local examples. Sigh. If only it were a little more explicit, like this other column telling the ADDA to watch it with the damn secrecy.

Winders does call Sonny out on how "immigration" means "Hispanics," but he needs to chill on the whole party school being an issue thing. We know you're Midwestern, dude, but I don't see how a drunken brawl turning into an orgy is a bad thing. Isn't that a step in the right direction?

Walter Johnson on what a clusterfuck that "Georgians for Truth" ad is. And it is. We've got plenty of real issues without claiming ridiculous crap.

Shipp mentions at the end of his column that Perdue's into freezing those tuition increases. Good try, Regents.

This Conflict Defender office program, just implemented in Athens, seems like a good idea, since the point is to represent adequately the indigent, but why are some counties allowed to opt out? Does Gwinnett County not have any poor people? I know that ain't right.

It's not that I think the troops are assholes. I feel really bad for them, in general. But ridiculous exercises in patriotic rhetoric to show one's appreciation aren't as good as, say, body armor.

Apalachee High School also thinks its board sucks.

Alpha Phi Alpha hitches wagon to T.I.

Can Matt Pulver run for Congress?

Please do note that no other guests on the remix of "I'm N Luv (Wit a Stripper)" get the kind of billing that the R does. This is for a reason. He makes his appearance around 3:30, if you want to try to skip forward. Did you know that, in certain contexts, you can bleep the word "head," and not even when you're talking about giving it? This is why we love the R. He's all about educating us.

Update: Oh. My. God. It's just happened again.

Where's that little string bounce-swell in Ne-Yo's "When You're Mad" from? Because damn if it doesn't work magic. I thought I couldn't really like the song any more than I did, and then I saw the video, which sort of spreads it thickly with hilarity while losing none of the love on my part. You wanna see women looking pissed off at the camera intercut with Ne-Yo at his least cool dancing on top of a wall and making weird hand gestures in the area of his crotch? You say that's good, but could you throw in a gratuitous and blurred flip-off? Yeah. We gotcha covered. Am I going to have to buy this album? If Flagpole doesn't have a copy for me, I may.

Back on it. Here's McGinty's original post. I will indeed take that challenge.

Top Five TV Shows
1. The Simpsons
2. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (Whedon only gets one slot)
3. Freaks and Geeks
4. The Dick Van Dyke Show
5. Blackadder

Top Five Sitcoms (no animated stuff, no English stuff)
1. The Dick Van Dyke Show
2. Curb Your Enthusiasm
3. Seinfeld
4. Everybody Loves Raymond
5. Get a Life

Top Five Episodes of The Office (it being understood I've only seen a bit less than half the episodes of the show)
1. "The Dundies"
2. "Office Olympics"
3. "Health Care"
4. "The Fight"
5. "Valentine's Day"

Top Five Characters from The Andy Griffith Show
1. Barney
2. Andy (Andy doesn't get enough respect as a character, much like Ray on ELR)
3. Gomer
4. Ernest T.
5. Opie

Top Five Episodes of The West Wing...

Oh, wait. That show is gay. New list!

Top Five Lessons Learned from Watching America's Funniest Videos
1. Do not ever ever go paragliding.
2. If you are the father of a small child, consider having a cup actually grafted to your body, one that could, say, snap shut most of the time.
3. Pinatas do not make a party more fun, except for those of us who weren't invited and get to see the carnage on tape.
4. Dancing in public, especially on a table, is generally a bad idea.
5. Jumping out and scaring someone, while possibly dating back to caveman times, remains a reliable way of provoking a laugh on the part of the onlooker.

Take it and run with it, people.

1) When We Were Kings: One of McGinty's favorites. I'd never gotten around to seeing it the first time, so he took pity and lent me the VHS copy, as I'm still back in the stone age with one foot. Hype achieved. I've never been really into boxing and have always kind of wondered, indeed, what the big deal is about Ali, since I only know him as a shaky old man. Just reading his quotes doesn't do them justice. So this movie showed me that, hey, he was funny, the Chad Johnson of his day. Mostly, the whole situation of being in Zaire for more than six weeks just seems incredibly weird, like, let's have a big party in the jungle while we're here. George Plimpton, you bring the brews. And Foreman in many ways seems like a dude who would end up naming all his kids after himself and create a line of mini grills. There are maybe a few too many musical interludes, but the boxing is lovely.

2) Dragonfly: Llllame. I kind of like paunchy Kevin Costner, but another movie about someone trying to contact someone after death? Give up on it people. I may have expressed the desire to see one where someone thinks this kind of thing is happening, but it turns out to be nothing; they're just delusional and seeing signs where they don't exist. Anyway, it's not just the subject matter. The presence of a disgusting balding parrot doesn't help, and it seems to take forever to get to the point.

3) The Office special: Just kind of missed it before. Is the ending awesome or sappy? A bit of both. I think it's nice Brent gets someone. About on the same level as the series.

4) Thunderstruck: Rock dudes go on a road trip movie, complete with arrests, madcapness, revelations about characters' motivations, in-van singalong, finding of girlfriends and casual sex (but fueled by love), throwing things out the window of the moving vehicle, a lot of "fuck the man" attitude, and more. So: cliched, but kind of cute anyway, mostly because of its Australianness; and occasionally sloppy (exposition could be slightly better, but in the opposite way from Dragonfly, in which necessary bits of information land with a huge clunking thud), but, dude, I like AC/DC too.

5) Inside Deep Throat: Better made than I was expecting, especially from the guys who brought you The Eyes of Tammy Faye (which is interesting in subject, but not super well-made, with a lot of winky silliness to the camera). Metacritic contains a wide variety of reviews (pans from Salon and the New Yorker that I agree with aspects of, and David Edelstein's nicer review for Slate), many of which are worth reading. I think it could be a little more charitable to Lovelace (it's not her fault her sister looks and sounds like Ma Barker if she were into scrapbooking), but for a First Amendment nut for myself, it's sort of porn of a different kind.

Al calls it.

The video for "Walk Away" is here. Mez Eclipse dudes, I believe this is your story in about three minutes of musical video form.

How do we know this? We know it from the way it ends. With sheepishness.

Intersession (as in between sessions, not as when spelled with a C) classes that actually taught students about learning and fun aren't being renewed in the ACC, due to the fact that it throws off schedules matching up across the district. This kind of sucks.

Let's unpack: Republican Latinos resigning a commission devoted to (Republican-tinged) Latino issues because they're unhappy about Perdue signing this anti-immigrant bill. But they're resigning less out of their own desire to than because dissent apparently leads to encouraged resignation. And when you do it this way, the governor can express "regret" over the resignations. ABh might want to note.

Downtown business owners care most about parking, not at all about the smoking ban. Only that 24-percent participation rate doesn't speak well for representativeness.

Again, this effort to shove students out the door as quickly as possible has its benefits, but this article states that HOPE only lasts four years, which I believe is inaccurate. Doesn't HOPE just cover a certain number of hours, if you're enrolled in a full class load each semester? Are those hours now only equivalent to four years?

Students who have a minor or a double major can contribute to graduation delays "but on the whole, that's a positive," [Delmer Dunn, UGA's vice president for instruction] said.

But, uh, they'll have to pay more to get their degrees? R&B points out that the university should try to make it possible to get your degree within that time.

ABH doesn't like the BC school board meddling. This letter seems to have a problem with it only because it was honors students involved. The school board should feel free to close off options to those who will end up working at Wendy's, right?

Wellness Policy Committee member contends that the ACC school district isn't getting a lot of money from Pepsi for peddling its cans of cancer. True?

More on them blindfolded boys who stand outside of Toppers. Apparently, sometimes they get smooched.

Here's a response to the anti-plus/minus-grading column, also from a student.

Dang, where are these boys in short shorts in my classes?

You probably already know about Bruno's new project in the old K-Bob on Lumpkin, but please note that buried within this article is the fact that the property owner plans to build condos there. You spell it b-u-b-b-l-e.

Fewer parking spaces. Awe. Some.

Jordan and Maxwell don't think the fees leisure services is proposing are low enough (Maxwell sets it up as an opposition between your tax dollars and your personal property), and Jordan, Dodson, and Kinman are trying to bring back the Baxter Street medians, which is upsetting Hoard.

University wants to make its alcohol policy even tougher and require first-time offenders to attend classes intended to educate on alcohol. Between this and the mandatory freshman course being proposed, we'll be graduating brewmasters in no time.

The state government supports counties hanging up the Ten Commandments, but not so much that it's willing to commit more than lip service to the cause.

Perdue appoints his nonpartisan redistricting board, "coincidentally" on the same day Kidd takes her case to court.

Encourage academics by not calling students morons in class.

Comparison shopping with your phone.

My Date with Drew: Charming and squirmy at the same time. Mr. Brown commented on the fact that we've been watching a decent amount of stuff lately that is lighthearted but also makes you want to die while you're watching it. This is a good example of that. Brian Herzlinger is an absolute sweetie-pie, a genuine nice guy with real insecurities but also enthusiasms, and he's smart enough to identify with, but this also leads to covering one's eyes and howling when we overhear him (broadcasting on his cell phone) meeting Drew for the first time (for all of half a second) at a movie premiere, because he can hardly bear to do it, and the awkwardness is like coming out of the TV a la Samara. Eric Roberts is brill in it (where does he even find shirts that fit like that?), and the whole feel is sort of "ordinary dude trying to make it in Los Angeles, land of the freaks." Jonathan of Blow Out is very nearly in it, but sadly not.

This is my new one, after managing to install more RAM on my computer. Promethea, Shmomethea. I am a much more accessible superhero, even if I did break a nail prying the case open. (FYI, Mr. Eponymous is so most helpful ever.)

Promethea: I've only read the first compiled volume, but it was enough to make me apologize to Mr. Brown for calling it gay because it's a comic about magic (or possibly even magick). Do people ever talk about how much Moore and Spiegelman have in common in terms of their obsession with the past of comics? I'm sure they do because they'd have to. Luckily, I'm a person who reads introductions, and you do have to read the intro to this, but it's also helpful if you manage to realize about halfway through that it's complete crap. Do all of the America's Best Comics line share this jokey pokey (as in poking at something, not as in The Pokey Little Puppy) tone of homage and mocking of the past? I still think he could stand to chill out a little when it comes to Christianity, but I'll read more of this series too.

There are two pieces in the April 17 New Yorker that I'm calling your attention to, both about religion, but also both about a larger concern.

The first is Peter J. Boyer's article on the coming schism in the Episcopal Church, which, if you believe in the project of the Episcopalians (compromise, embrace, good understanding of God as a loving being), will upset you. It's amazing how something that has endured nearly 500 years can be brutally torn apart because of what some people like to do with their genitalia; or rather, how some other people feel about that. The African bishops aren't agitating to have all fornicators dismissed from the church hierarchy, despite the quote from Paul. And Vicky Gene Robinson will break your heart:

Sexuality is a gift from God, he said, a means of experiencing, in physical, human terms, God’s own love. “What I can tell you is that in my relationship with my partner I am able to express the deep love that’s in my heart, and in his unfailing and unquestioning love of me I experience just a little bit of the kind of never-ending, never-failing love that God has for me. So it’s sacramental for me.”

The second is Adam Gopnik's review of the translation of "The Gospel of Judas," a gnostic text that contains a lot of silly mysticism but also a repurposing of Judas's reputation. Gopnik's analogy ("The finding of the new Gospel, though obviously remarkable as a bit of textual history, no more challenges the basis of the Church’s faith than the discovery of a document from the nineteenth century written in Ohio and defending King George would be a challenge to the basis of American democracy. There are no new beliefs, no new arguments, and certainly no new evidence in the papyrus that would cause anyone to doubt who did not doubt before.") strikes me as a little off (it's more like the writings from the early days of the republic than something so late, isn't it? competing proposals for how this new country should be run?), but he hits some good points, mostly this one:

it is useful to be reminded, in a time of renewed fundamentalism, that religions actually have no fundament: that the inerrant texts and unchallenged holies of any faith are the work of men and time. Any orthodoxy is the snapshot of a moment.

That is, what both of these articles come down to is the divide between people who believe in metaphors and people who believe in literalism. In practice, it's not always that simple, but looked at this way, it makes one wonder if it's merely age that results in the ability to talk about multifarious meanings of a text or something else. And is an inability to understand the world in a more literary (and less literal) way the problem of our age?

You have tiny Michael Jacksons?

Date: April 19, 2006 2:40:50 PM EDT
To: UGA-FORSALE@LISTSERV.UGA.EDU
Subject: BTW

Looking for a toddler left handed glove.



Please reply off listserv.

See, Walmart's only hurting themselves with their low wages:

Arrest: On April 12, security at Wal-Mart called deputies about an employee, June Elliott, 49, of Bethlehem, whom they discovered was allegedly ringing up items at the checkout for cheaper prices for her own benefit. Elliott told deputies that she was told when she took the job that she would be full time and would receive benefits. However, she did not get that job status and needed money to pay her doctor's bills, so she ran through items cheaper to save herself money. She was arrested for theft.

People not trying very hard:

Arrest: On April 11, deputy R.W. Elder received a report of a pickup traveling at a high rate of speed on Ga. Highway 53 and that it was passing cars on double yellow lanes and beer cans were being seen thrown out the window. Elder located the pickup and stopped it near Union Church Road. Elder smelled alcohol on the driver, Ryan Stephen Rogers, 17, of Waverly Meadow Lane. He also searched the vehicle and found some marijuana. Rogers, and his passenger, Jacob Bishop, 17, of Malcom Bridge Road were both arrested for possession of alcohol, and Rogers was also charged with possession of marijuana.

Arrest: On April 12, Walton County deputy Harry Epps was in the parking lot of A.J.'s Food Store on U.S. Highway 78 about 5:30 p.m. when he saw a man sitting in a green Grand Prix drinking from a wine bottle. He alerted authorities and deputy Scott Underwood arrived and approached the motorist, who had blood-shot eyes and slurred speech. There were two empty wine bottles in the car. The man, Stephen Chester Sheppard, 57, of Ferncreek Drive, Watkinsville, was arrested for DUI and having an open container of alcohol.

Arrest: On April 15, deputy Scott Underwood was dispatched to the Kroger shopping center where he was told about a man behind the building exposing his genitals. When Underwood arrived, the man was lying in some trash behind a trash bin. He appeared intoxicated. Yanco Jeffrey Perez, 39, of Atlanta was charged with public drunkeness, public indecency and loitering.

All the rest here.

It's a sad thing when a drug dog and his handler break up. But really? Jute rope? Did the $5K Oconee County spent leave no money for a better toy?

Please note: Not only is tuition being raised, but it's being raised in such a way to continue the effort to push students the hell out the door. Also:

Also approved were student fees at each of the state's 35 colleges and universities, with increases coming for most schools. UGA students will pay an extra $82 a year, while students at the Medical College of Georgia will pay an extra $60 a year and fees at Georgia Southern will rise $28 a year.

Because of a change in the HOPE Scholarship, those increases will come out of the pockets of all students, regardless of whether they qualify for HOPE.

R&B says fees will go up $41 a year. Even figuring in the extra $25 for Tate 2, that's not quite the same number. Where's the extra $12?

There will be no metaphors in the BC school system. Them purty words is communist.

Leisure Services has come up with a new way of calculating fees, which seems in equal parts reasonable and scientific and also ass-covering, but it seems to be frustrating people because there are no examples given of what the fees it recommends will actually be. Apparently, "recreation departments across the country are trying to collect more of their expenses in fees, Dargle said, to offset the burden on taxpayers." Ah yes. So recreation departments are in the same bind as every other area of government services except those who make nukes.

Looks like Sonny doesn't hate black people, but, um, how many current African American law officers are there in Georgia who've been working since 1976 (thirty years)? Not that the few who exist should be punished, but it's not exactly a broad-impact law.

We had no idea there was such a truck shortage in Oconee County. Is this like a local version of the Fresh Air Fund?

Hmm, ABH supports a dress code in schools, which ain't a shocker, but their reasoning does seem a little faulty.

Of course, it must be recognized that there is precious little empirical evidence to show policies restricting how students dress for school have any appreciably positive effect within the learning environment. In fact, a study by David Brunsma of the University of Alabama and Kerry Rockquemore of Notre Dame, published eight years ago in The Journal of Education Research and cited widely since then, found that use of school uniforms "was not significantly correlated with any of the school commitment variables such as absenteeism, behavior or substance use. In addition, students wearing uniforms did not appear to have any significantly different academic preparedness (or) pro-school attitudes ... than other students."

On the other hand, there is a body of anecdotal evidence suggesting school uniforms have at least some salutary effect on the learning environment. In recent years, Long Beach, Calif. school officials reported a 36 percent drop in school crime the year after a uniform policy was put in place at middle schools. Similarly, middle schools in Seattle reported a drop in truancy and tardiness.

While the local committee is not considering a school uniform policy, it's reasonable to suppose that even a dress code might produce some of the changes in the learning environment noted anecdotally above.

So it's totally not proven, but if you take the back door, it might be? Wouldn't changes in learning have shown up in these other studies if dress codes did reduce truancy and the like?

Shipp ends his column by asking if the current generation of voters is any smarter than the previous one. You mean those senior citizens who get out and actually vote? Are they smarter than their parents? Maybe.

Man shot in foot, mere days after other man mugged for beer after being threatened with being shot in the foot. Is there a connection to be made here?

Tech hates gays! Can we work that into a football chant somehow?

R&B complains that new plus/minus grading system hurts A students. Ain't that the point? Maybe all you little Mayretta kids don't deserve to graduate with such high GPAs.

Thanks for supporting our smoking ban, people who don't even fucking live here (second letter).

Flagpole has good coverage on PPA, fraternity zoning, the state government (Brian Kemp no love the choo choo, talks about Atlanta as a priority over his own district), new DDA director, and the Classic Center.

Nothing in Monday's Prison Break episode made me react even slightly as much as the news that Stormare is coming back next week. Because you think a little thing like a razor-slit throat will stop the power of Abruzzi? I was seriously considering giving up on the show (especially as every time the Robin Tunney subplot comes up, I start to doze off; who's a bad guy now? what? why do I care? will you please stop tucking your sweaters into your pants, girl?), but now, I'm in it again.

Sidebar: Guy grating cheese in the background during the walk through the kitchen to the poker game, you did a fine job with your part, and I'm sorry you weren't able to get your SAG card. I like to think you put it on your resume anyway. You grated the fuck out of that chedda.

Busy week in the ol' F-Pole.

1) Me and Bob Hay sit down and talk about pomes and his band. See, I so didn't even prompt him to bring up Kells. He did it all on his own.

2) Reviews of new Bubba Sparxxx (thumbs up) and T.I. (sorta thumbs up but with reservations.

3) And Grub Notes goes to Hot Thomas and eats Taco Stand's fish taco.

Mandatory class size reductions mean your kids will be stuck in trailers. On the other hand, it's a boon for someone: "Mike Willard, sales manager at Horton Homes in Eatonton, expects orders will start rolling in this week. The company manufactures more homes than classrooms but will build classrooms on an order-by-order basis, he said." Jim kind of gets that this sucks, and he does point out that Jane Kidd voted for it (we're inclined to cut her a little slack, as the lady needs to get elected), but he also seems to think that just because some funding was provided for it that, therefore, all funding was provided for it. Dude. Do you not know how things work by now?

If only they'd thought of the same idea the Regents are mulling over: need new buildings? Make the people who occupy them pay for them. Is it just a given that state universities will never be fully funded again? Isn't anyone even arguing for it? (Speaking of which, tuition's going up again.)

Larry fuckin' McKinney, man. Larry McKinney. He's written a column arguing that Athens is at a crossroads, and that we can either choose to follow the chamber up to the promised land of rainbows and jobs for everyone or opt to trudge after the commission into the fiery pits of hell (and historic preservation). You just can't top this line: "I challenge each of you to seriously think about what this chamber of commerce has done since 1903 and continues to do every day to ensure Athens is the most educated, most prosperous, most diversified community anywhere." Way to go on that one, chamber. (This lady points out that he lives in Oconee County and can, as a result, suck it.)

Hmm, Brain Train sounds a mite better than choo choo.

Athens trying to blame its poor air quality entirely on Atlanta. Yeah, if you count the thousands of SUV-driving students as Atlanta.

ABH has the right position on the ACC schools' wellness policy, but do they have to belittle the staff of those schools in the process? The school district has a responsibility to parents and kids, but it also has a responsibility to its employees. I'm not saying that a concern for them is necessarily right in this case, but it might be sometimes.

Blake tells us that the moratorium on frat/sorority expansion/construction is, in fact, hindering an attempt to reduce party noise.

Perdue finally has competition from the Right, from a man whose nickname beats his real name by two letters.

The local schools are also considering dress codes, which I'm in favor of mostly because they save parents money. I don't think it's impossible for a student to learn without his pants pulled up all the way to his rib cage, unlike some of the people quoted herein.

So by leaving these kids behind, ABH, you mean not applying arbitrary and harsh standards to their schools? There's a reason for this loophole in NCLB, one that's explained in the article.

We're gonna rely on a golf tournament to drag Athens out of widespread poverty? Why don't you ask McGinty if it's worked for Augusta?

Walter Jones focuses on the ag commissioner race, pointing out how impressive it is that Irvin's managed to hold onto his seat in a time of Republican gains. But his characterization of Georgia as bluer than you think seems kind of ridiculous.

And this letter asks Hank Huckaby directly why "temporary" UGA workers don't get health benefits, if they have it so great.

1) Cars Can Be Blue: They really like to do songs about dicks. But they covered "Shame on a Nigga" very nicely.

2) Am not sure what would ever encourage anyone to go "owww" (in that owwwooo wolfish way) at a show. Owww guy, are you the same guy at every show? Or are you merely provoked by cheap beer? There are many silly things that I do and have done, like making rock hands. I've gone "wooo." But "owww"? I believe a line needs to be drawn. You can only say that at a George Thoroughgood concert.

3) Nerd radar is amazing. Big Gray was halfway from the 40 Watt to the Caledonia, but his ears still picked up the words "Garth Ennis" in a conversation we were having.

4) And speaking of which, Team Brown is through book 5 of Preacher and continues to find it improving and impressive. And funny. It makes a strong commitment to comedy. Every time you think it's getting serious at all, it ends up that it's just taking the piss once again. I like that quite a bit.

5) You think the feds are getting ready to knock on David Fury's door yet? Whew. Someone's a little pissed at the way things are going in this country.

The one part of Sy Hersh's piece on the current plans to bomb the hell of of Iran that doesn't make you (read: me) want to piss yourself with fear (e.g., "A government consultant with close ties to the civilian leadership in the Pentagon said that Bush was 'absolutely convinced that Iran is going to get the bomb' if it is not stopped. He said that the President believes that he must do 'what no Democrat or Republican, if elected in the future, would have the courage to do,' and 'that saving Iran is going to be his legacy.') is the mention of the Baluch:

If the order were to be given for an attack, the American combat troops now operating in Iran would be in position to mark the critical targets with laser beams, to insure bombing accuracy and to minimize civilian casualties. As of early winter, I was told by the government consultant with close ties to civilians in the Pentagon, the units were also working with minority groups in Iran, including the Azeris, in the north, the Baluchis, in the southeast, and the Kurds, in the northeast. The troops “are studying the terrain, and giving away walking-around money to ethnic tribes, and recruiting scouts from local tribes and shepherds,” the consultant said. One goal is to get “eyes on the ground”—quoting a line from “Othello,” he said, “Give me the ocular proof.” The broader aim, the consultant said, is to “encourage ethnic tensions” and undermine the regime.

Am I obsessed? Mildly. But when most of the rest of the article resulted in me muttering "oh fuck" to myself on the bus, it was a nice little oasis.

This is also an example of why leaving a legacy as a president is in many ways a bad thing. You always hear the Democrats talking about big ideas that capture people's imagination, but honestly, we may need to switch to the Jake Delhomme (possibly an unfair choice here; give me a better one) model of the presidency: Show up. Do your job. Don't fuck things up. Not fucking things up would be a serious improvement. Big ideas have their place (universal health care, alternative energy on a large scale), but competence in general is underrated. This is kind of what Ezra Klein was saying on C-Span this past weekend in making his argument for Gore as a strong candidate in '08. I'm just not sure everyone buys the "competency is good" thing. How many of you drafted Chipper Jones in the first round of your fantasy baseball leagues?

Brain tired. Webbernets slow. New pictures up at Athens World, not sorted into galleries because it didn't want to let me.

Bill Buford is a fine writer. He might come off a bit wide-eyed at times (a device? or congenital ingenuousness?), but he sure can tell you what something tastes like. His New Yorker article "On the Bay; Building a Better Oyster" isn't online, but here's a bit:

[This is Eric Ripert he's talking to at first.] But when I asked Ripert if he chewed he surprised me.

He paused, deliberating. "Yes," he said, finally.

"How many times?"

"Well . . ." He projected an imaginary bivalve into his mouth. "A couple of times. Actually, may I make a confession? I chew once. My parents taught me this. They told me, 'Eric, you must always bite an oytser, firmly, once. Otherwise, it will be alive in your stomach."

I phone Kim Tetrault, the marine biologist.

"You need to understand what happens when an oyster closes its shell," he explained. "That liquor is not just seawater. It's also part oyster. We call it extrapallial fluid. It's like the blood that bathes an oyster's tissues. When oysters close their shells, they are sealing themselves in their own environment--the world is their oyster--and they will survive as long as the extrapallial fluid doesn't dehydrate." The Romans used to ship their oysters from Britain, a journey that must have taken weeks. Tetrault confirmed that, under certain conditions, an oyster can live that long out of the water. He described his students dissecting shellfish. "If you've shucked an oyster carefully, you haven't killed it. In my classes, we continue feeding it--the gills keep working--and its heart beats for another fifteen minutes."

Maybe Osinski [Mike Osinski, the oyster farmer the piece is on] was right. Many foods are eaten raw. But how many raw foods are also still alive?

I think I might try this chewing thing next time around. Not so much for the quick death for the oyster, and more for the difference in taste. Apparently, you get a much more complex flavor and sense of where the thing grew if you chew.

Remember that letter the Shawns wrote to The New Yorker about Capote? Here's another party:

Of the screenwriter's many inventions for the film "Capote," his concept of William Shawn's activities during the creation of "In Cold Blood" is weirdly off, as Allen and Wallace Shawn note (The Mail, April 3rd). While his imagination produced a personality unrecognizable to me, I can contribute two small facts about Mr. Shawn's professional involvement: the film has me talk to Mr. Shawn on the telephone--I didn't. And, at any time Truman Capote was in Kansas, Mr. Shawn wasn't.

Harper Lee
Monroeville, Ala.

I have to say, I'm amused that they're choosing The New Yorker as the forum for their grievances, but I'm pleased they're being aired. Next week: J.D. Salinger writes in to provide his take: William Shawn a gregarious maniac.

1) The Comedians of Comedy: Surprisingly solid. I tend to prefer Patton Oswalt's acting to his comedy stylings (probably partially because he's more of an overt jerk when on stage), and that probably still holds true, but his continual musings on how to make stand-up more difficult for yourself (throwing in the worst segues ever, for example) make me wonder if that's what he's doing. Bamford is a little too hyper for me, and Posehn pretty consistently the funniest (the part when half a dozen pre-teen girls squeal over him and flip out in public because he's on Just Shoot Me is possibly the best single scene in the whole thing), but Galifianakis is probably the most brilliant and the biggest chance-taker (sidebar: I can't help but wonder if the whole piano-playing thing is a way of being able to tell fewer jokes). I also now somewhat identify with the comic book scene, though obviously only to very small extent. Anyway, it's both a good documentary, even if it would be nice if it covered more days and/or Athens, and a good comedy movie. Is the whole "playing comedy in rock clubs" thing a revolution? I don't know. It doesn't feel that weird to me, but maybe that's because Athens doesn't have a comedy club per se, and it makes sense to me that they'd play wherever.

2) Mean Creek: Sure, we were slightly motivated by its mention in The C of C, but I'd been picking it up for ages, mostly because of Josh Peck, who Team Brown knows and loves from Drake & Josh on Nickelodeon. So this is a completely different thing for him, and he proves (to me, anyway) that he's one of the stronger young actors around. He really commits, whether to being a horrible spaz kid or to doing an odd style of comedy that's surprisingly old school (Abbott and Costello-esque, one might say). The drama's believable and the young cast very good. It ends a bit abruptly, but it's quite affecting in some moments.

Blake profiles new Downtown Development Authority director Lookofsky. The ADDA already kind of fucked up by hiring her in a closed meeting there was no notice of (ain't that par for the course), but she seems not too much on the side of business owners and like she brings some balls along with her (maybe in her handbag). She cares about historic preservation and she's already being reasonable on the beer truck unloading sitch.

See, hypervigilant people, the amounts of TCE in the air near Nakanishi are acceptable, and while it's easy to bring up the "acceptable amount of rat feces in your food" example and gross folks out, there is no 100% pure situation. Even Ivory Soap is 66/100ths nastiness.

Only prob with this article on podcasting (besides silly quotation marks) is that it doesn't really point out that you don't need an iPod to listen to the damn things.

Look, Adelman, it's all election-year posturing.

Oh dear. Sometimes misplaced photos come off as insensitive. Like this juxtaposition of a Moore's Ford pic with an article on sorority hazing.

The New Yorker should perhaps let George Saunders write more of their humor pieces and Steve Martin and Woody Allen write less. Not that I don't love the old fogeys, but the last time either produced a piece that resulted in chuckles was back in the time of the dinosaurs. Saunders's "Nostalgia" does what his other works do, in that it makes you uncomfortable both with contemporary culture and with those who long for the past. It also contains these song lyrics:

Hump my hump,
My stumpy lumpy hump!
Hump my dump, you lumpy slumpy dump!
I’ll dump your hump, and then just hump your dump,
You lumpy frumply clump.

Familiar, no?

Here's the video from last night anyway. It is nice to see a local band that has its act together, even if they did forget the viola when they went to Atlanta last time.

ACC runs a disaster drill, complete with handing out antibiotics. Read: M&Ms. Damn. Don't they advertise for participants?

Sure, you can fuck with the rest of the university's students, but when you start stepping on the Greeks' toes, SGA barks.

The wellness policy for ACC schools is now going to be up for comment for 30 days. If you'd like to see it, here's the pdf (it's big). It starts on page 55. Diet beverages are sanctioned. Fried foods are limited. It all seems very reasonable, actually.

"Sex offender" loses his appeal not to be suspended for a year. It sounds a bit like he didn't understand what the deal was (you don't necessarily get a freebie), but it still seems kind of unfair.

The FBI is reviewing the Moore's Ford case.

ABH goes off on turning the annual Easter egg roll at the White House into a political event, by either side, with a lot of "think of the children" nonsense. As though the event's ever been about the kids and not about a great photo-op for the president.

The problems with administering the CDBGs should lead more in the direction Kinman wants it to go in, but it seems like that money's just going to be spread more and more thinly.

Letter on flag-hating students gives context from actually being at event.

R&B mailbox brings major snark. Events of the semester now officially all the hoo-ha about The Key and ninja takedown 06.

Let that be a lesson to you. Always buy a six-pack in case this happens: A

51-year-old Branch Street man said he was robbed at gunpoint twice within an hour Wednesday night outside a store in East Athens, Athens-Clarke police said.

The man bought a six-pack of beer at a store in the vicinity of Dublin and Branch streets at about 9:15 p.m., and as he was walking home, someone dressed all in black and wearing a black cap approached, threatening to shoot him in the foot if he didn't surrender his money, police said.

When the victim said he didn't have money, the gunman took the beer and ran to a small dark car, possibly a Honda, according to police.

About an hour later, the victim returned to the store and bought another six-pack, and at the same location ran into the gunman, who reportedly said, "I thought you said you had no money" and took the beer, firing two shots into the air before getting into his car, police said.

Hassiotis and I hit the brand-new Athens Bojangles for lunch today, and damn was it packed. The parking lot was a sea of cars, and the inside line impressively long. They hand you a menu when you go in, so you (being ignorant of the ways of Bojangles, as I was) can figure out what you want before you hem and haw at the counter. The manager or owner or whatever was doing this too, and this led to a conversation with the people ahead of us in line, who said, they knew what they were doing, as they were from Houston. To which manager guy replied, "I'd sooner admit to Austin than Houston." (Actually, he had to say this twice, since they didn't catch it the first time.) Upon which, the line guy replied, "They say that all the gays and politicians in Texas live in Austin." Which, you know, it was kind of a joke, but you don't ever want to say "the" and then something like "gays," especially in the bluest county in Georgia. His wife turned around and apologized to us. I guess we looked like we loved some of the gays. So that's the first part. The second part is that Bojangles serves "Botato rounds," things sort of a cross between Burger King's hash rounds and a latke, with onion mixed in. They're really tasty. But even back in the office, I was kind of laughing at the term. Botato rounds. I was not prepared in the slightest to hear it about ten times in a row, while waiting at the counter, let alone to have to say it myself. But, man, they were going to give me fries, so I spoke up: "I had [ulp] botato rounds with my biscuit." So, of course, they were out, and there was a lot of yelling back to the kitchen about needing the botato rounds pronto and the kitchen saying "the botato rounds are coming" and then a "here's your botato rounds." I'm lucky I didn't pee myself right there.

DC Universe: The Stories of Alan Moore: The variety of it is nice. Some are better than others, obvs. Was not super-impressed by "The Killing Joke," although Mr. Brown likes it. I think it's partially the art. Also, Moore has this weakness for using song lyrics as text that I find more annoying every time I see it. It seems like a good intro to his stuff, but it also has some of the weaknesses that show up later, like a reliance on madness as inherently interesting. Pshaw. Crazy people just like to hear themselves talk, and if you think that, their ramblings can get old in the comics, just like in reality. But the two Green Lantern stories and the two-part Superman are greatness. Oh! And the Green Arrow thing, which makes me want to know more about the character. The Phantom Stranger story doesn't do a good job with its portrayal of the battle between good and evil angels (I like it Miltonic, yo), but the Vigilante thing is interesting and darn pretty.

Here is the message:

Hunt Is on for Killer Bear in Tenn.

BENTON, Tenn. - Using traps baited with honey buns and doughnuts, wildlife officials Friday tried to track down a black bear that killed a 6-year-old girl and critically injured her mother and 2-year-old brother.

The family had been at a pool below a waterfall in the Cherokee National Forest on Thursday afternoon when the bear attacked, the Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency said.

Witnesses said the bear snatched up the boy in its mouth as the mother and other visitors tried to fend it off with sticks and rocks, said Dan Hicks, a spokesman for the agency.

The 6-year-old girl ran away but was later found dead about 100 yards down the trail, with a bear standing over her, authorities said.

"Allegedly, after the rescue squad found the little girl, one of the squad members fired a shot from a small caliber handgun," Hicks said Friday. "We don't know whether the bear was hit or not. There was no blood, but it chased it off."

Officials were still trying to piece together exactly what happened to spur the attack, forestry spokeswoman Sharon Moore said. Both the mother and boy were listed in critical condition Friday at a Chattanooga hospital, and Moore said the mother was too seriously injured to talk.

The little girl's body was taken to a mortuary in Cleveland, funeral home owner Ralph Buckner said. He declined to release her identity and no family members were at the funeral home. Authorities have also declined to release the names.

The 640,000-acre park runs along the Tennessee-North Carolina line southwest of Great Smoky Mountains National Park. Authorities also are asking anyone who was at the campground and saw the attack to come forward because witness accounts could help find the bear. The campground was evacuated after the attack and the witnesses have now scattered, Hicks said.

Rangers said the animal may have been suffering from a disease that affected its behavior.

"It's a pretty rare thing, black bears generally don't attack people. I can't think of any time other than — just really rare circumstances," said Monty Williams, park ranger.

In May 2000, a woman was killed by a black bear near Gatlinburg. Glena Ann Bradley, a schoolteacher from Cosby, was attacked by two female bears when she took a walk on a trail near a Smoky Mountains campground.

And here is the subject line:

To: UGASTAFF@LISTSERV.UGA.EDU
Date: Fri, 14 Apr 2006 12:52:30 -0400
Subject: If going to the Smoky Mountains this weekend, be careful

Or bring donuts.

So, Pitchfork explains this pretty nicely. There's this text-messaging company in England, and they talked Tom Baker into recording a gazillion words and phrases (i.e., gave him a check; he's the Kathy Griffin of England), so that if you send someone a text message and both of you or one of you or what have you have this service, the recipient will hear his mellifluous tones speak the message. Smart people figured that if you input song lyrics, you will have your own lovely cover versions with a bit of diddling around on the computer. Results are very similar to Sellers's commandeering of Beatles standards into odd, lower-class-accented dialogues, only, of course, with a hijacking element.

Beliefnet runs a brief story comparing Buffy and Veronica Mars (the shows more than the eponymous gals, but both to some extent), but it's an unsubtle reading. Buffy's sense of mission is what made her, in some ways, incredibly annoying as a character; she was self-righteous and entitled and bossy, and we still loved her, but while recognizing those faults. Veronica has flaws too, including an overdeveloped sense of justice (i.e., of the retributive sort) and, yes, less of a moral center than Buffy, but they're more similar than different in this way. Both of them think they have the right to judge others, and sometimes they do come out on top morally, but they also both err on the side of "bad guys bad, friends good," and this can get complicated when you start becoming friends with people who are theoretically bad guys. But the point here is that the fact that both of them are so incredibly human is what makes both the shows good (well, one thing among many). Being both a good person and a nice person is a slow, difficult process, and steps back happen. Inconsistencies happen. Sometimes all of us are jerks. The article also overstates the morality of Buffy's world. It's a lot grayer and a lot closer to Neptune than it's painted here. And doesn't take into consideration enough that VM's just wrapping up its second season, and Buffy had time to grow over seven years. [Sidebar: Does VM's move to another day and time mean it's dead?]

EBD kids closer to getting a new building, at least in terms of ideas. ACC wants to issue bonds to fund its portion. And they better get a move on before the commission confirms that it wants to approve this kind of thing in general.

Speaking of the commission, it sounds like they're seriously hating on some Bob Smith. But we learn at the end of the story that Jane Kidd's learning her way around the dome, which is confirmed by this other story on her impressive sneakiness.

Lee talks about land-use plans in Madison and Oglethorpe: how they're different, what people are fighting over, whether they're the major influencing factor in growth (no).

Roy Barnes still exists, files class-action lawsuit alleging Georgia constitution has been violated under voter ID law.

We are learning more about how dorky ninja/pirate day was, but we're also starting to think, based on the ABH story, that there is something wrong here. And that something is not the abuse of officer power, but rather the bandana. Maybe those ATF guys were onto something. Have you ever seen a ninja walking around with a bandana over his nose and mouth? They must be breeding with the Bonanzas. We could have a whole new species of menace on our hands here.

Perdue signs class-size reductions into law. Says his critics are just wrong when they call his decision politically motivated. I mean, he's not even going to bring it up when campaigning, right? He, uh, doesn't respond to the people who just call it bullshit and explain all the difficulties that lie underneath the pretty wrapping.

Here is an explanation of why a "sex offender" might lie on his UGA application. This is some good reporting. He's not supposed to be on the GBI's list, and he's probably not a menace to Brumbyites.

ABH thinks Ira's hiding.

There's a forum from a member of the Wellness Committee that was drafting ACC's policy on such wondering why the school board got spooked. Maybe the presence of so many letters to the paper in such a short period of time goes some way toward explaining that. I'm not saying all parents are hysterical or that it's not better for kiddies to eat broccoli than Doritos, but I am saying it's possible to overreact on this issue. More recess would seem to outweigh the hyper Super-Size Me kind of reaction in the effectiveness department.

Fine, dude. You're old fashioned. Happy?

Belated too.

Only my second completely random (i.e., not in a social situation or on a movie set) celeb sighting in NY: Bjork w/husband and child at MoMA on Saturday morning. She was cute, pleasant, and pretty normal looking except for a weird hat.

In answer to a query about whether it was related to his movie:

I guess so; they were over by the film desk. But it was about 11:30 am--I don't think the museum does screenings that early. I've heard his film sucks, too.

So after six weeks or so that felt like six months, Black. White. is over. In some ways, the show put you through the same experience as the people on it, in that you felt trapped with them in a confined space and all their personality quirks started really to grate on your nerves. You tried still to think of them as nice people, but you wanted your own space back. In the last episode, we were still on the great bitch controversy (in which, if you didn't watch the show [and you probably didn't] Carmen and Renea were rehearsing some African American slang for Carmen, and Carmen used the word "bitch" vaguely in Renea's direction because a. it was on the sheet of words, and b. she's clueless and thinks black women call each other bitches). And while it was annoying like the military helicopter that feels the need to buzz our house on a semi-regular basis, it also sort of stood as an episode that could encapsulate both the show and what the show was trying to illustrate. That is, most white people think black people should just get over it (i.e., slavery, hundreds of years of prejudice) and move on, while black people get angry about this because it's not quite that easy and maybe a little acknowledging of wrong should be done without getting all defensive and saying "it's not my fault." But they didn't recognize any of this. Bruno (whitey jerkass) thought his wife was being picked on, and Renea didn't demonstrate any ability at all to let things go (which would've been much more appropriate in this context than on the larger scale of race relations), and essentially they were all thrilled to see the last of each other. There was also much disappointment on my part when the stretch Hummer that pulled up near the end of the show turned out to contain a bunch of rich white kids instead of Ice Cube, who neglected another chance to plug his album. On the bright side, we did learn a new word: prejudism.

That is, if you live in Georgia but prefer to root for the Red Sox or the A's, at least you're not subject to their insanely dorky promos. Whereas if you live in Georgia but rightly favor the Braves, you're subjected to MC Hammer mumbling about his South. Do you mean L.A., Hammer?

Charlie Maddox. New website. Did not know retarded monkeys were allowed to do web design in the ACC.

1. Those damn Diet Pepsi ads have gotten worse. High-stakes poker? A sequel to the movie?

2. Is Dominos trying to make fun of its customers with its XLP commercials? I mean, implying that people who buy your product are idiots seems to have worked for a lot of beer companies, so maybe it's a good move.

3. Do not leave bubble wrap on your floor. It will be stepped on at least once a day and scare the bejesus out of you.

This all seems very complicated.

Date: April 12, 2006 1:04:07 PM EDT
To: UGA-FORSALE@LISTSERV.UGA.EDU
Subject: elvis presley

the king a nice porcelaine cookie jar a pink caddy with
elvis rideing and playing his guitar. only 500.00 its a rel
nice piece

Fuck. Someone call R. Kelly. I bet Latash rhymes with a lot of stuff.

Arrest: On April 4, deputy Bill Garner went to a home in Arbor Glen Mobile Home Park where he learned that a woman wanted for trespassing was present. Garner went into the home and located Latash Nicole Lester, 25, of Peach Street, Athens, inside a closet. She was arrested.

The Teet is triumphant again:

Complaint: On April 6, deputy Laura Teet was summoned to a house on Charity Lane, where a couple had been having problems with a man in the neighborhood shooting paint balls at their property. They had left on April 2 to go out of town and upon returning saw where their privacy fence and been shot up leaving paint splatters everywhere. They explained that they had nicely asked the man not to shoot the balls in their yard. Teet observed the splatters and went down to the man's house, where she talked to the middle-aged man and advised him not to shoot at the property anymore and that she was giving him only one warning.

Twice!

Citation: On April 5, deputy Laura Teet was patrolling on U.S. Highway 78 when she heard the loud revving of engines and saw two pickups side by side traveling up the highway. The radar indicated a speed of 74 mph. She turned on her blue lights, but lost sight of the pickups, however, as she neared Georgia Highway 316, she saw both vehicles and obtained the license plates numbers. She stopped one pickup and told Jarred Christian Shelton, 23, of Colbert, that she was charged him with racing. He denied racing and demanded to see the radar print out, but she explained she was not charging him with speeding. Sgt. Byron Smith arrived on the scene and after they talked he was released.

With what? An 18-wheeler?

Theft: On April 7, someone stole 199 bales of pine straw, valued at $597, from the entrance to Old Mill subdivision. The straw had been delivered earlier in the day and belonged to the homeowner's association.

The rest.

Sheriff Edwards fires the head of the jail, gives no explanation. Now, I voted for Ira in the last election, but his continual weirdness and his way of not talking to the media isn't exactly endearing him for the next time around. I understand that there are channels you have to move through sometimes and things you can't say in public (I do work for the university), but a little more openness would be appreciated.

Poor people don't have the damn time to solve poverty. I think nice efforts are being made to involve the perspective of the people the task force is trying to help, but frequently, when you don't have any money, you spend a lot of your time working, and when you're done, you don't exactly want to go to a meeting or have time to. ABH thinks its an "easily surmountable" problem. Letter points out that free bus service wasn't publicized enough.

Jordan would like for the commission to have to approve tax-exempt bond issuing. Lord knows this won't shorten the meetings any, but I actually agree with him here. Representative democracy and all that.

Andy Landers oddly frightening with large outdoor power tool.

Perdue has money? But he's just a simple hyperchicken...

Fat man relay great idea, but track meet contains skirmish.

ABH stands up for education in the way it always does, i.e., in favor of raising standards. Obviously, we want our kids un-stupid, but just saying they should be smarter ain't gon' cut it.

Hold the phone. Not all students are drunken spawn of Satan. (Sandy Whitney knows.)

Clarke schools' wellness policy to be modified, loosened. Here's a question: are teachers pissed about soda machines being banned? I know you could bring a Coke with you, but what if you didn't plan ahead? Could you handle a roomful of unruly kids without some caffeine in your system?

Herschel's got a new house here that's almost done. Bets being taken on where to spot him.

Not only are we all, "yum yum, bird flu," but we're giving Homeland Security $13.3 million worth of land on which to build the facility. Like HS doesn't have money? In the R&B it's made clear that these facilities aren't like "in the movies"; i.e., nothing will ever get out. Sure sure. But nimby, yo.

Shipp's continuing on the "we could have been smarter on illegal immigration" tip. As though that's not true of every issue. But check it, we have our first Latino frat. And, indeed, they do wear the uniform.

Y'all already know how well the known ninja problem in the ACC is being taken care of. Remember. Don't feed the ninjas. It only makes them less scared of people.

Christa has covered the air guitar champion. Who say Winder don't rock?

Buses to be on biodiesel soon.

The R&B says you should register to vote locally. It'll save you gas.

And John Knox, ornery faculty columnist, says he doesn't have a problem with the Key.

Date: April 12, 2006 10:23:55 AM EDT
To:
Subject: TWEET

I am writting you guys to let you know that the mulit-talented beautiful artist Tweet, and long time best friend Missy Elliott has decided to part ways on good terms. Tweet felt that she had not progressed enough, and was not getting the promotion needed to excell. Tweet is not on Goldmind Records anymore Missy label. I strongly feel this was a great move for Tweet and her style of soul music. Tweet is't showing any signs of slowing down; The sultry and soulful artist is already back at hard work in the studio with Timbaland, Rich Harrison, and Chilli of TLC. Tweet has plans to release new music this summer.

Yeah. It's from the same person as previously. Some minor investigative journalism work was done, but not to much of an end. Right now, working with the theory that either she's related or there's an obsessive Selena fan thing going on.

Review of MC Lars. Much more is in the works.

I really do like his album. So far this year, bestness in no particular order is:

• MC Lars, The Graduate
• The Gaskets, Loose Change
• Juvenile, Reality Check
• Sparks, Hello Young Lovers
• Bubba Sparxxx, The Charm
  

The Story of the Weeping Camel: aka the most cliched Middle-Eastern film title ever. There is not much narrative, virtually no dialogue, no voice over, no explanations of things, and lots of shots go on forever with nothing happening but the wind blowing some sand around. And I really, really liked it. Partially, it is the oddness of the animals, which move surprisingly quickly and behave like very large pets in many ways, and partially it is the sweetness of the family. Mostly, this camel is born, in a difficult delivery, which means its mom decides not to nurture it. Even I, hard-hearted and cranky with sentimentality as I am, felt really bad for the poor little camel, running across the desert after its mom, making sad noises, and being kicked every time it got near her and tried to nurse. Some things seem to be real (documentary) and others not, but it is hard to say which is which.

That cunt Ricky Gervais. I spent much longer than I should have getting around to The Office, and that was wrong and stupid because everyone was right, and now everyone is right again on the podcasts, and it's all his fault. (Not fair: His and Stephen Merchant's and Karl Pilkington's faults.) Seriously. If you are, by any chance, having difficulty urinating, I would recommend you check them out. Also if you normally have no problem sitting in a chair without falling over or have no bruises on your legs from slapping them during convulsive laughter.

The funny is mostly in the process. Yes, Karl says many madly stupid things, things it seems almost impossible that any form of human life could say, but it is when you do begin to understand the way his mind works that you reach another level of appreciation. Merchant and Gervais are experts at bringing out the exact wrong thing from Karl, too, the thing he doesn't even want to say but lets slip out. My favorite noise is the "mmm" of disagreement he makes, usually in response to something completely logical (like that art should exist). Description does no justice. Listen.

Mr. Sparxxx ain't all empty praise for the backside. He's running a contest for the booty (site extremely NSFW) and selling shorts for it (that latter link may not work, but you can get there from his website, which will also play the song for you, show you the video, and more. New album is much greatness, with a different sound from the last one but still one that's quite good, and it's a fair bit tighter and leaner. Unfortunately, you can't hear "Wonderful" right now, but it had damn well better be a single.

Most folks is bitches in week 13. They don't like nice little Jose Gonzalez. They don't like wonderful old George Strait. They don't like sweet Frenchy Louise Attaque. And most of them don't like Shakira, a grave sin.

Unblurbed:

Shakira ft. Wyclef Jean - Hips Don't Lie (Colombia/Haiti, thus USA)
Big star who’s not really cool meets other big star who’s not really cool to do a song that from appearances (silly lyrics about wanting to speak Spanish and how hot Shakira is and dancing being a secret language, plus a beat that’s nothing innovative) should also be not really cool, but the horns and Shakira sound just the same as one another and there’s a funky little fuzz in the right ear and it just completely works. Her hips are telling me this is goodness.
[7]

Kelis wins deservedly.

Kelis - Bossy (USA)
Sounds like sexy tiddlywinks with the Doppler-ed plink-plink that runs throughout. Minimalism doesn’t necessarily do it for me, but this is only masquerading as stripped down. There are actually about 20 things going on in the tune when you count every reference, and I think we have our first entry in the summer song sweepstakes.
[8]

There seems to be some sort of podcasty thing linked now at the bottom, so maybe you will want to listen to that, but if you'd like your own copy of any given song, drop me a line.

Coverdell dedication ceremony inconveniences student.

More homeless in Athens than previously, but one figure from this year, one from last year, and one from five years ago don't contribute a lot to the big picture. Do note that a quarter of them have jobs.

Here is some info about Sonny's child credit thing that passed in the general assembly. It's roughly the equivalent of the gas sales tax break. Looks great in an election, rapes state coffers, and gives families a max of $210 a year. I'm sure that'll pay for a year of day care. Maybe we need to combine this credit with the previous entry and help solve the homeless problem in Athens (or at least get more of them jobs) and the day care problem here at the same time.

ABH is still being pretty hyper about the drinking problem Athens supposedly has. Have we seen any evidence yet to show it's worse now than it ever was? Eh? Could we maybe try not to act like drama queens until we see some kind of facts?

Think whatever you want about the rounding up and branding of sex offenders on campus, the fact remains that the Red & Black had its act more together than the university police force.

SLC pumping hormones in through the HVAC system.

John Edwards talked about how poverty can be the equivalent of the Civil Rights Movement for today's college students. Maybe if they'd stop spending their HOPE checks on beer... Also, he purty.

How is it even possible for the state (and federal) government to continue to hand down education mandates without funding them? Sure, it sounds awesome that Clarke County's getting $3.5 million more this next year, until you read that they've got $4.6 million in new expenses. And teachers are trying to make up the shortfall. They're also kind of pissed about being used as a football in the Bible course battle.

Morris tells us incumbents are at a disadvantage in fundraising. Which must be why they lose so damn often... (Moneys update here.)

They didn't tell you that this guy's name was Johnathan McGinty.

Credit where credit is due to the drunken bike rider. We salute your coordination. This guy, not so much.

People in Auburn still say "pokey."

Walter Jones reports on how state-level legislation will affect locals; slides in the fact that Sonny hasn't appointed anyone yet to his nonpartisan redistricting committee. Shockah!

ABH considers the benefits of information's desire to be free versus the need for courthouse security. I think they overrate the latter a little (just like with drinking, I'm not sure it's been proved that because one crazy fucker grabbed a gun every county courthouse is suddenly in immediate danger), but it's still calm and reasonable. This one that proposes employers not hire anyone who doesn't have a high school diploma is a lot less so. You trying to add to the poverty rate, ABH?

Winders don't like the Key, but he does overestimate how useful it is. Shipp says Reed is darn qualified. New crazies in town. Can someone explain what States's position is in this column on the Chamber v the local government? Is it that they're kind of okay dudes, but he doesn't want to be associated with them too much, but also it's fine for other people to be?

Jenny Brooks

Email:jenbrooks@fastermail.com

Dear Sir/Madam

My name is Mrs. Jenny Brooks, I am a dying woman who have decided to donate what I have to you/ church. I am 59 years old and I was diagnosed for cancer for about 2 years ago, immediately after the death of my husband, who has left me everything he worked for.

I have been touched by God to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband to you for the good work of God, rather than allow my relatives to use my husband hard earned funds ungodly. Please pray that the good Lord forgive me my sins. I have asked God to forgive me and I believe he has because He is a merciful God. I will be going in for an operation in less than one hour.

I decided to WILL/donate the sum of $2,500,000 (two million five hundred thousand dollars) to you for the good work of the lord, and also to help the motherless and less privilege and also for the assistance of the widows.

At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls right now due to the fact that my relatives are around me and my health status. I have adjusted my WILL and my lawyer is aware I have changed my will you and he will arrange the transfer of the funds from my account to you.

I wish you all the best and may the good Lord bless you abundantly, and please use the funds well and always extend the good work to others. Contact my lawyer (Barrister Parker Brown) with this specified email: pkbrownesq@netscape.net and tell him that I have WILLED ($2,500,000.00) to you and I have also notified him that I am WILLING that amount to you for a specific and good work. I know I don?t know you but I have been directed to do this. Thanks and God bless.

NB: I will appreciate your utmost confidentiality in this matter until the task is accomplished as I don't want anything that will jeopardize my last wish. And Also I will be contacting with you by email as I don't want my relation or anybody to know because they are always around me.

Regards,

Jenny Brooks (Mrs)

What's the word that gives it away as not being from a nice old Baptist lady?

From one Hassiotis, member of the esteemed media and recipient of the press release of the year:

From: [redacted]
Date: April 10, 2006 9:51:01 AM EDT
To: undisclosed-recipients: ;
Subject: IMPORTANT RE: CIARA & BOW WOW

Good Morning:

There is a quote that is circulating right now, amidst the rumors of Bow Wow being spotted at the Regent Beverly Hotel with a stripper, stating that he and Ciara have been split for "awhile" and that it was "amicable" which is incorrect.

If your respected media outlet will be running any stories of the breakup, kindly be sure to run the correct statement from Ciara's camp, which is:

"I cannot comment on the reason, but can confirm that Ciara and Bow Wow have split," says Tracy Nguyen, spokesperson for Ciara.

Thank you so much and should you have any questions, do not hesitate to contact either myself or [redacted] at [redacted].

All the Best,

[redacted]

So look for that in "Threats and Promises." No doubt.

Apparently she and his stipeness had a conversation that went like this:

French Mommie [imagine cute accent]: Hellooo Michael Stipe. I love your little bag. I was admiring it earlier.

Michael Stipe: [something about it being Italian]

F.M.: [something about having a Freitag herself]

M.S.: Oh, those are German, aren't they?

F.M.: Actually, they're from Switzerland [cool trump card has just been played]. Can I have your autograph for my friend?

And scene.

The kicker is the nametag used. Good thing some nice lady named Heidi was there.

OMG. See what good buddies me and Richard Weisman are? I'm totally not just standing behind him for an opportunistic photo. And that Manoguerra fella behind me? He's totally also not laughing at the quick and vaguely stealthy move.

Hey now. It was 4:55 on a Friday. I had places to be. I'm sure I could've been squeezed like many a lady he's been photographed with, but I was in a damn hurry to get home.

This is the group that opened the Southern Foodways Association Camp Athens yesterday, of whom Peggy Galis said they were, in fact, her inspirations. The sound that you hear is the sound of a hundred foodies singing along. It was lovely.



The whole event seemed to go off pretty well, with home tours (Pimm's at David Lynn's, but bowtie man was nowhere to be found) and a stop at Wilson's (chow chow spicy enough to blow your damn head off) and much relating to drank and socializing. Matt and Ted Lee not actually Siamese. Just nice guys. With a very, very cool car.



With the moms in tow, there was not much very late-night barhopping on our part, but we know that it did exist. Terry Kay and Jim Cobb both gave lovely speeches. And people generally seemed to think that Athens did not suck. Yay! We don't suck!

Abbreviated after all that RW typing.

Flagpole's second piece in City Pages is about how UGA's trying to raise the wages of its lowest paid workers. Living Wage Council is behind it and all the proposals seem like rational, decent ones.

Cranky bastard hates the choo choo.

Who else hates the new tailgating restrictions? The athletes who have to play on the intramural fields and would prefer not to have their facilities trashed. They don't bring in no moneys though. There was more discussed at the Open Mic with Mike, including the university's pussy stance on discrimination agin the gays, alcohol, and frat houses in neighborhoods (which Mikey can afford to be for, since it's not his problem anymore).

We heart the bird flu sooo much.

Bill Shipp says we're all morons.

This sex offender business at the university is quite dangerous business, and I mean that less in the way that it's a huge danger from the sex offenders. So, first, this guy lies and gets kicked out. And then another, a statutory rapist, is suspended for the same reason. But, um, it's not quite the same thing, and the R&B getting hysterical and demanding everyone on campus be background checked, fingerprinted, tested for all diseases, etc. is only contributing to what could become a witchhunt.

OIE washes hands of the Key, gives it to SGA, which is probably the best way to handle that ridiculousness. Other than telling students to use a little god damn ingenuity in figuring out which classes are easy. Are we so stupid here that we need a website to tell us that?

University alcohol forum leads to suggestions that repeat offenders be kicked out of school or that drink specials be scaled back. And Mark Richt suggests an alcohol-free nightclub based on campus. Because he is gay. Seriously, you want your nightlife suggestions from that guy? I don't care if he did clock time at both Florida State and the U.

Fantasy World charged with inaccurate advertising. Should change name to reality world.

We got us a trestle. 9-1, Jordan against. There are several other votes mentioned in this article, and the only folks to be the 1 in those 9-1 cases are, of course, Jordan and McCarter. Could someone with some time to kill please do some research on the percentage of the time each commissioner has been that 1? I'm thinking these fellas lead the pack by miles.

Rawson v. Hudgens.

It's the big un. Art v Love. Going on right now.

Tomorrow's shaping up to be quite celebrity-ridden in Athens. So, oh shit you could see:

1. George H.W. Bush, as he dedicates the Coverdell Center on campus at 2 p.m. People in the Georgia Center will be soundly thrashed if they so much as look at him, let alone take a picture.

2. John Edwards, at 11 a.m. in the chapel, delivering the Law conference keynote. I will attempt to catch a glimpse of the hair.

3. Richard Weisman, art collector and man about town, doing all kinds of events at the museum.

Speaking of that last fella, Team Brown decided that since The Andy Warhol Diaries have a generally fabulous index, we should perhaps make use of it. Here you go:

Wed., Sept. 21, 1977: On the plane Richard Weisman said that Vitas Gerulatis had just been to Columbus and staked out the best motel and the best girls to call.
As soon as we landed Richard called the girls' number and they arranged to meet at midnight in Richard's room. (p. 71)

Then we went back to Richard's room with him to wait for the girls that were coming at 12:00 and had tequila with him. When the girls called on the phone he asked them to bring some jeans and a T-shirt for Claudia, because they would all go nightclubbing and she hadn't brought anything to wear.
Claudia used to be an airline stewardess and I guess that's where Richard met her. She's very pretty and she's the best secretary. She just does everything.
The girls arrived and they looked like New York models, very tall and blonde and pretty and they were wearing the same kind of clothes, jeans and T-shirts. (p. 72)

Tuesday, Oct. 9, 1979: ...Richard was trying to get me to drink tequila... (p. 245)

Tuesday, March 18, 1980: So Silvinha and a girlfriend were talking and Silvinha said she was making it with Max DeLy's friend, that Italian kid Danilo--she was saying all this when Richard wasn't nearby--and then she said, "I don't know what to do about Richard, we stay out until 4:00 and then someitmes we have sex and then sometimes we don't, and I want to expand his mind and take him to art galleries."
...And then just as I was quietly slipping out, Richard Weisman saw me and was screaming, "Andy! Andy! Are you leaving?" And then he wanted to leave, too, and he does his thing of saying goodbye to everybody, just what I didn't want to do. And then in the car he said, "Do you think I made a mistake the other night, going to bed with Cathering?" I said, "What?" I mean, I knew that he and Catherine had had sex once a while ago, but now here he was saying that they just had it, and I mean, I can never bring it up to Cathering because it's too embarrassing. And Richard was saying how he felt guilty and did I think that was why Catherine quit, because when you do it with somebody you work for, then you think you always have to do it. (pp. 272-73)

Wednesday, Aug. 6, 1980: Richard Weisman called to say he was coming down. I said I was going to 65 Irving for lunch and to meet us there. We went over there, ten of us....We were having pina coladas and then strawberry daiquiris and then Richard had the idea to have blueberry daiquiris. It was fun. (p. 309)

Thursday, Oct. 2, 1980: Richard Weisman said he needed some girls for the "21" thing before the Ali fight, so I invited Barbara Allen....Then Richard wanted to take us to a new singles-swingles restaurant and he invited three blonde girls along and Barbara didn't like it. (p. 331)

Tuesday, June 8, 1982: I had to go to Baltimore to see Richard Weisman's father, Fred, present my portraits of Ten Sports Figures to the University of Maryland. By the way, does the Diary know that Fred Weisman got his skull fractured by Frank Sinatra in the sixties? At the Polo Lounge in Los Angeles. They didn't know each other. Sinatra hit him with a phone. (p. 445)

Wednesday, Sept. 12, 1984: And Richard had a girl there who was like Judy Holliday, but dumb for real. Really dumb. I haven't met a girl like this for a long, long time. I don't know where she would come from. She was an airline stewardess. She said to me, "Gee you look peculiar," and they said, "He's an artist," and she said, "I have a sister who's an artist, yeah, and she looks peculiar like you too." And then she asked me if I did something to my hair. And then Richard took her upstairs to talk to her. (p. 598)

Saturday, Jan. 18, 1986: I got myself into black tie, took a cab to U.N. Plaza for Richard Weisman's wedding (cab $4.50)....Richard was sort of out of it. His youngest daughter was with the son of the woman who Richard lived with for about five years and didn't marry. And then I guess he met this girl and decided to get married right away. And when she came down I was shocked because he hadn't said she was Oriental, and his father, Fred Weisman, just had a horrible experience with an Oriental woman and now Richard's marrying one himself. She's a model. She's half American and half Korean.
The wedding itself only took a second. You hardly noticed. "Do you take this woman?" "Yes." That was about it. And then I had about four pieces of wedding cake. And I asked why Susie Frankfurt wasn't there and somebody said that she and Richard had had a falling-out because he gave her $20,000 to get the stucco of the walls and she hasn't done it.
And everybody was saying they hadn't known if this wedding was really going to happen. John Martin from ABC said that just before he got into his tuxedo he called to make sure. And Richard's wife told him that for her wedding present all she wanted in the world was to go to the Superbowl. Yeah, right--"The Superbowl, darling, that's all I want." (p. 709)

So did I mention I'm going to lunch with him tomorrow? If I only had bigger balls, I'd order a blueberry daiquiri.

I do not even want to hear about your sick little games...

Date: April 6, 2006 8:54:46 AM EDT
To: UGA-FORSALE@LISTSERV.UGA.EDU
Subject: puppet for sale

A white dog puppet - used for a church puppet team. Originally costed $110 (don't ask me why these types of puppets are so expensive - I was so surprised when I saw - and I think we got the least expensive). If you have any children who are involved in puppets at church - this would be a good present.
Asking $25

17) Martin observes that ''the term movie star fails to elicit images of a frenzied adolescent mob. That's the kind of fame we are talking about with rock star: the type of dynamic public figure people tend to toss their panties at,'' this perceptive semanticist notes, adding primly, ''metaphorically speaking.'' (from William Safire's "On Language" column in the magazine, 03/26/06; about the use of the term "rock star"]

18) Namedropping an abstruse school of psychoanalytic theory probably seemed terribly clever at one point; given this film, however, it's grounds for screenwriting hell. The conceit of a beautiful woman who kills her lovers by lethally jabbing them with an ice pick helped turn "Basic Instinct" into a hot-button success (no panties helped). [from Manohla Dargis's review of Basic Instinct 2, 03/31/06]

19) As if to prove that she's still got it at 50, she also does some yoga moves onstage, strips down to bra and panties for a costume change and performs a hair-thrashing drum solo in a leopard-print slip. Yes, decidedly, Bernhard's still got it. [from "REVIEW: Bernhard Makes Return to NY Stage," an AP article, 04/05/06]

Note: Panty-watch is a regular feature here dedicated to tracking appearances of the word "panties" or "panty" in the New York Times, partially because it's amusing to see the Gray Lady venturing into such areas and partially to see if it correlates with anything specific. The end of the year should result in a few more graphs.

[previously] [bugmenot NYT]

Stick possession not illegal:

Dispute: On April 2, deputy R.W. Elder was dispatched to Arbor Glen Mobile Home Park, where he talked to a couple about an argument. The woman said they had returned home from a club, when her boyfriend became angry and punched and broke the window on her car. The man said he slammed the door causing the break and that the woman hit him with a stick. No arrests were made.

"Might be" is closer to being so:

Arrest: On March 26, deputy Shane Partain was dispatched to a home on Old Madison Highway regarding a man who possibly had a weapon. When he arrived, he saw a woman sitting in a brown car and she informed him that her husband, whom she is divorcing, was in the backyard and he might be armed with a gun. Partain went to the backyard and located the man, Mike Weaver, 41, who appeared intoxicated. Partain asked him about a gun and he said he didn't have one. After discussing the matter with the man and the woman, he arrested Weaver, of Mitchell Farm Road, Winterville, on a charge of disorderly conduct. No weapons were found on Weaver.

Note to self: Find out location of Clotfelter Road. Do not go there.

Dispute: On March 31, deputy Marvin Williams was dispatched to a problem on Clotfelter Road, where he met with a woman who said when she drove up to her house and her husband came out to the road and started running alongside the road and banging on the side and threatening to beat her rear end. Another man followed her in a green pickup. When she stopped in the yard, she saw that her clothing had been thrown into the yard. She became scared and drove to a neighbor's house where she asked the resident to call police. She told Williams that she also heard a shotgun blast. The neighbor said he heard the gunshot, but thought nothing of it because people in this neighborhood shoot guns all the time. He then asked them to leave his property, so they drove back to the woman's home on Clotfelter Road, where she gathered her clothing. They then drove to the sheriff's office, where Williams told her she needed to stay away from the location.

Rest is here.

Sometimes the New Yorker has great fiction. Not often. Even less often (maybe twice a year) is it by someone you've never heard of. But Chris Adrian's "A Better Angel" is the kind of blunt, odd, beautiful story that makes you shocked at its newness.

John Lahr's Sean Penn profile is almost as good. But you can't read that. What made the news about it was not its account of Penn's doings in the aftermath of Katrina (in which CNN and so on made it sound like he was out there on a yacht drinking martinis with a film crew to capture his every move), but this:

PENN HAS TORTURE DOLL

Hollywood activist SEAN PENN has a plastic doll of conservative US columnist ANN COULTER that he likes to abuse when angry. The Oscar-winner actor has hated Coulter ever since she blacklisted his director father LEO PENN in her book TREASON. And he takes out his frustrations with Coulter, who is a best-selling author, lawyer and television pundit, on the Barble-like doll. In an interview with The New Yorker magazine, Penn reveals, "We violate her. There are cigarette burns in some funny places. She's a pure snake-oil salesman. She doesn't believe a word she says."

So here's the question that raises, one that comes up surprisingly infrequently: what's worse? Believing in the bile you spew or just doing it to make money? Should we judge the motives or just the results?

Best Seller: Thank you, Showtime, for furthering my very slow-paced mission to see all the films of Larry Cohen. This reminded me of why I like James Woods, in spite of his being an insane right-wing asshole. I like him because he's a good actor and he can make a despicable character likeable. In some ways, you could think of this as a typical cop entry of the decade (1980s), complete with bad guys being shot in and around a fancy-ass L.A. house and falling into the pool in the climax, and those things do happen, but it's sharper than that because of the characters' relationships and the streak of darkness Mr. Cohen always has. The climax happens during a kiddie party. For charity. So you hear squeals before you even see anything. Which illustrates the way it generally works.

Grub Notes: Zeb's, Broken Arrow Cafe, pozole at Taqueria Mi Tierra.

Sparks review.

Dear Winterville, I believe Fergie has a caboose you might be able to borrow. As long as you compensate her adequately.

Why yes. Look at how many black elected officials the state of Georgia has in really high positions. Governor, Lieutenant Governor, Secretary of State...

Ag deans resign as college is teenified.

So Parking Services seems at least partially interested in encouraging biking because they'd like to build bike lockers. Chances are these lockers will not be free. I think more people would bike to campus also if they were less likely to die.

No profanity at the Masters. Just no black people.

Melissa so does not need to read this story.

If kids fail their CRCTs, it's totally entirely due to the time change. As though there's so much flexibility in the school system?

Naw, man. He was shooting at the invisible guy next to you.

R&B talks to Chuck Jones. So what issues do elderly, church-going folk and frat dudes agree on? The right to beer bongs?

I'd say one sex offender out of 30,000+ students is a pretty good ratio, actually. But the R&B would like something, perhaps, to be done about this in the future--something other than Jimmy Williamson twiddling his thumbs about it for two months.

Damn straight. Collar popping = not cool.

Here is the letter from Allen and Wallace Shawn on how their dad (William) was depicted in Capote:

In his review of the film "Capote," David Denby indicates that the filmmakers used the character of William Shawn, the editor of The New Yorker during the period depicted in the film, as "an aggressive force who moves the plot along" (The Current Cinema, October 10th). As William Shawn's sons, we would like to amplify Denby's comment by noting, for the record, that in surface detail and in substance the William Shawn depicted in "Capote" is invented out of whole cloth by the filmmakers. In the film, Shawn speaks of "building interest" in Capote's piece, organizes a book reading for the writer at which he introduces him personally, arranges to have Richard Avedon go out to Kansas to photograph the author and the two murderers, and flies out to Kansas himself to visit with Capote. The real-life William Shawn did not believe that articles or their authors should be publicized. He resisted even putting a table of contents in the magazine itself to trumpet what each issue contained. He never organized a reading for Capote or any other writer, and never addressed one, as he never spoke in public on any occasion. He didn't arrange Richard Avedon's photographic trips or publish any photos by Avedon, as he didn't think there should be photographs in The New Yorker. The film's Shawn expresses rapt interest in the details of the crime Capote wrote about, whereas the actual Shawn found even the mention of blood disturbing, and, much as he revered Capote's writing, found editing "In Cold Blood" upsetting. Quiveringly empathetic by nature, the real William Shawn was literally the last man on earth who would make a joke about the killer Perry's impending death, as the character Shawn in the film does. The real Shawn never went to Kansas to visit with Capote, and in fact he never had the experience of flying on an airplane.

Other than that, rock-ass job on the script, y'all.

V for Vendetta: So yeah. Definitely not in the league of Watchmen. For one thing, the art kind of bothers me because it's that kind that tries to do something new, which means that it is dark and blurry and everyone looks alike. I think it's a bit hard to follow, even with considerable flipping back and forth, and less cohesive (written more for individual publication). And I don't really like the characters. V is a psychotic, and he's not even that entertaining a psychotic. Evie has no mind of her own. Everyone else (pretty much) is a fascist. Or Scottish and almost incomprehensible. I do like that it's very English in its outlook; that's a new thing that's a good thing. And I like the way Moore again manages to run visual and verbal repeats throughout. I like that, even though it took me almost until the end of the book to realize it, all the chapter names begin with V. And I like the visual quotes from Batman. But its puritanical anti-TV stance (you're all ostriches!) is as controlling as the government in place in the created universe, and while I was able to get behind the vigilantes in Watchmen, I can't really do the same here. Maybe it's because they want to take away my TV?

Week 12.

I get the title, but minus the quotes.

Written, not blurbed:

Mish Mash - Speechless (UK): With hate, mostly. Is this how old punks feel when they hear kids making the same sort of music now? i.e., Why is this still going on? Can’t you come up with something new? I think it’s how they feel when it sucks.
[1]

Mary J Blige & U2 - One (USA): God is it ever pleasing to hear Bono slapped across the face with a glove (methinks a really expensive designer glove) and then taken out. Most of the song is like watching two racehorses in slow motion, and then the rest of it is like watching one of them turn on its jet-powered rocket pants and lap the other one.
[7]

The Veronicas - When It All Falls Down (Australia): Is it artificial or is it just that their voices have the exact same tone as a lot of pro-tooled stuff? Either way, it matches really nicely with this mope-tune that doesn’t overdo it. There’s not real angst here, just a little bummed-out-ness, and it’s good when some people don’t flip out over little things.
[6]

"Crazy" hasn't clicked with me yet.

Want it? Email me.

Iron Balls has decided to start lists, a la High Fidelity. Manoguerra is participating as well. Both of their lists are madly normal. So fine. Here go.

Top 5 Movies
1. Shoot the Piano Player: One of your less well-known Truffauts. Does tragedy and comedy and pastiche and parody and musical numbers. And it's barely over an hour and a half.
2. Naked: David Thewlis wanders around London talking and fucking and fucking up. This might be the biggest damn star turn I've ever seen. When we used to have IFC, it would come on a fair amount, and it was really hard not to watch the whole thing every single time. Verbal as hell.
3. The Kingdom: Cheating, since it's really a miniseries, but Shogun would count, wouldn't it? Mad bastard Von Trier crams ghosts and masonic ridiculousness and the hatred between Denmark and Sweden and medical experiments and soap opera and the devil and the arrogance of contemporary man and more in. And it's funny.
4. The Lady Eve: Not totally perfect, but both utterly screwball and utterly convincing in its bizarre love story. Henry Fonda has never been prettier or more comic than he is mooning over Stanwyck and doing acrobatic falls.
5. Kill Bill: Proved that some people can still surprise, even with expectations the weight of a million elephants on them. I'm leaping ahead in time to when vols. 1 and 2 are released edited together. I have faith.

Top 5 Comedies
1. The Lady Eve
2. Duck Soup
3. The Philadelphia Story
4. How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying
5. Adaptation

Top 5 Sports Movies (props to Paul here for Victory)
1. The Longest Yard
2. Eight Men Out
3. Raging Bull
4. National Velvet
5. Caddyshack

Top 3 Patrick Swayze Movies
(Modified due to the fact that I haven't seen a lot of the ones I think I would like, like Red Dawn.)
1. Donnie Darko (even though it's about the mock of the Swayze)
2. Black Dog (Big rigs! Meat Loaf! Randy Travis!)
3. Road House

Top 5 Movie Scenes (as in the top 5 that occur to me that I like)
1. The ending of The Shop Around the Corner when Margaret Sullavan realizes what's up.
2. Gary Busey in drag in Under Siege.
3. The rickshaw race in Knock Off, which features Van Damme being whipped with a fish by Rob Schneider but also some fabulous action work and amazing inset shots of the inside of a sneaker coming apart.
4. Tom Cruise waking up with new eyes in Minority Report, because it's the nastiest scene Spielberg's ever directed.
5. The film screening in Singin' in the Rain, in which the sound is cranked at the wrong speed and the characters' voices switched.

I know y'all want to do it too.

The Chamber is issuing sad little reports trashing most of our commissioners. And not even getting it right the first time.

Lynn, who considers himself a moderate, garnered a 53 on the last report card, issued in 2004.

"It just shows how much the chamber is out of the mainstream of community thought," Lynn said of this year's 13.

Internal polls show that the chamber is "right down the middle" in its political stances, McKinney said.

So you mean when the half dozen of you who run these things talked, you decided you were all perfectly representative of Athens's political leanings?

ABH having a little trouble keeping up with the Joneses.

Why yes. We should be more like Florida.

Holy shit, Darrell Huckaby thinks this Bible in the schools thing ain't necessarily good.

Your word of the week is: Goat-A-Rama.

Winders doesn't hate Mexicans. (Actually, it's a nice column and relatively fair to all sides.)

Shipp's damning Perdue if he does something to keep Delta in business and damning him if he don't.

So is Prince Avenue Baptist going to change its name?

This letter talks about the classification of some UGA jobs as temporary and how that ain't right.

Taylor panders to students. Look, "big guy," most of them don't feel it a damn bit when their tuition goes up. How about you support fully funding the university, capping HOPE at a certain income level, and providing real financial support to those students who need it instead of showing up at the YD "convention" and spouting off to kids who will probably either vote for you anyway or stay home and play X-Box?

We like to think scary naked gun-toting guy and Frankenstein are off somewhere together, setting up a household, making a new life for themselves.

So mucho takes place over four days. But here's the highlights.

Want some booty? Hit Ben Burton.

Piegate continues. Kempers reads his hometown paper too. Where does one get some o' them fried pie flip-flops? I hear they're the rage this spring.

Chapel Hill has similar single-family zoning laws and more lawsuit-happy citizens.

Current SGA leadership is maintaining the Key with professor's names. If you had to pick an issue, kids, why this one? But there are lots of letters in the R&B about all of it, both Friday and Monday. Also, um, "Usually professors who give lots of A's are good professors." R&B is, of course, agin the elimination of a way to find gut classes.

Ah, the newsworthiness of Fart Candy.

ABH grows ever more disillusioned with the constant testing NCLB has led to.

General Assembly done-o. Child support modifications pass (and check out the creepy photo of Cryptkeeper-esque McCall and his kiddie; he's not really that old, but this sure does make him look positively Father Jack). So do restrictions on eminent domain; now no one can use it except "elected officials, state agencies and public utilities," and they have to let you know first. Wooo. (ABH more impressed.) Ten Commandments: The Revenge. A bunch of crap doesn't pass, including printing "Shame!" on sex offenders' (including statutory rapists' still in high school) drivers' licenses. Senate-House cage match already booked for next year. Courthouse security such a huge priority that it was allotted a whole $350K statewide. What is that, about $20 per courthouse in Georgia?

Parking Services says bikes take up less space. (We like the way the R&B chooses to hyphenate "mo-ped," which results in a necessary hickification of the word.) There's also some money for alternative transportation in ACC, but not for extending bus service.

Ooh! Ooh! Pick us for the bird flu lab.

We have a new DDA director. Tell me, Lookofsky, how do you feel about public vomit?

No context. No kicking as far as I'm aware. Someone else must've been drinking on the job.

> > Date: April 2, 2006 6:03:41 PM EDT
> To: UGASTAFF@LISTSERV.UGA.EDU
> Subject: physical plant
>
> The Physical Plant is the place to work. You can drink
> while on the job and you can miss work and never turn in
> your time.
>
> ==========================================================================
> Subscribers to this listserv must comply with its official guidelines as stated on
> the Staff Council website at
> http://www.uga.edu/ugasc/lists/index.html
> which also includes information on subscription management and contacting a list
> adminstrator. Please consult the guidelines before posting. Violations can result
> in suspension from the list.
>

My nameless, identityless boss (smoochies, lady) were discussing this the other day. That is, we were discussing how important it is to make your expectations clear to people, and that if you don't and they fail you, it is at least partially your fault. What we call this is the lesson of the monkey's paw, as in the famous horror story about wish-granting and the ways it goes wrong (you non-literate types may remember it more from the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror II episode). I lack the imagination to come up with an entire book of business sayings and guidelines to stock next to the cash register for impulse buys, but consider this an idea out there for the taking. Perhaps it's not as marketable as saying "Jesus wants you to have money" or "All life is like the lessons of war," but it is possibly more true. Communication is the most important thing around. Hence the need for word precision and the like. Something to aim for.

Feast your eyes on the beardnet.

Do Not Disturb: aka Silent Witness. In some ways a total disaster, but I kind of liked its combination of Cloak and Dagger and The Naked Gun. There are things in it that are not quite explained by its being mostly parodic (e.g., William Hurt's painfully awful and barely recognizable Southern accent), but the lengthy and ridiculous ambulance chase scene at the end is great, especially when people's heads are being crushed like melons under the wheels (okay, one person's). The real strangeness is that the director's Dutch, and though the movie is set in Amsterdam, that seems more like a silly device than anything else. You'd think, even if you're directing a deliberately goofy movie, that if it's set in your hometown you'd try to make the portrayal slightly accurate. Apparently not, though.

You know (or maybe you don't) how Rabelais thinks lists are funny and how in general the idea of the long list of vaguely amusing items is just kind of a big thing in the Renaissance? Well. Consider it illustrated:

Date: March 30, 2006 11:45:10 AM EST
To: UGA-FORSALE@LISTSERV.UGA.EDU
Subject: more ladies jeans for sale $3.00 each

Ladies jeans for sale. No starch

size 11 black bareback Lawman jeans with silver conchos down
the front of the legs in a curvy motion

size 11 black Rockies dress pants with spandex.

size 11 relaxed regular light blue Cruel Girl Jeans

size 13 relaxed long light blue Cruel Girl Jeans 2 pair

size 13 blue denim bareback Lawman jeans

size 13/14 light blue denim bareback Diamond Cut Gusset Jeans

size 13 black bareback Lawman Jeans

size 13 regular relaxed light blue Cruel Girl Jeans

size 13/14 light blue bareback Rockies

size 7/8 burgundy PLEATHER Roughrider bareback jeans

size medium burgundy PLEATHER Roughrider jacket to match jeans

$10.00 size 9 SUEDE black bareback Studio West jeans

size 9 black Studio West dress pants

size 9 black PLEATHER Lawman jeans with silver conchos down
the legs

From now on, I consider the correct style for PLEATHER to be all caps.

Although it may not always be apparent on here, I am actually a girl. And as such, occasionally I'm into shoes. That is, I may not go so far as to purchase these shoes, but I think, "ooh, that's cute" or look around on the webbernets in search of them. On the other hand, it can lead to eyeball-burning horror like the Matisse 'Swiss' Mule, something I would be utterly terrified to come across in broad daylight, let alone in a dark alley. It's a freakshow, the equivalent of the lobster boy. If I ever see anyone wearing them, I will sign the commitment papers.

Footbizzle representin'. Mr. Rob Derrick was the finest of fine opponents and truly deserves a share of the bottle of spumante. Glory is everlasting. Or at least a year-lasting. Talking smack is okay if you can back that shit up. Apparently I can. Even if hegemony is an unexpectedly easy word. I rocked the celeriac earlier. Luck has to hit sometimes.